Uncle Buck's News

05/23/2021

Staff will be unavailable May 24, 2021 for the May long weekend. We will re-open on May 25, 2021 at 8:30 am. There will be no changes to the garbage or recycling schedule.

Enjoy the long weekend, everyone!

05/23/2021

05/17/2021

Catching the Ferry...

This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

05/17/2021

What a bunch of Garbage...

Garbage collectors were picking up our trash as my wife walked back into our house. A particular barrel was very heavy.

“Lady, we can’t take this,” one man called out. “It’s way over the weight limit.”

My wife turned her eight-month-pregnant figure toward him. “It didn’t seem that heavy when I carried it out,” she said.

Without another word, the man emptied the barrel into the truck.

05/11/2021

Falling Fossils

I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles, as well as pick up after their pets.

One day, I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up, and put them back on the shelf. The next week, the same thing happened.

That afternoon, my employer came into the parlor, her faithful dog behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Nya," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?"

05/11/2021

Get Well Soon...

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind.

Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!"

05/11/2021

TODAY IS PROVINCIAL DAY OF ACTION ON LITTER
The Provincial Day of Action on Litter is celebrated on the second Tuesday of May each year in Ontario.

The Province is taking action to reduce the amount of waste going to landfills or becoming litter by bringing awareness to the impacts of waste on our environment and encouraging people to take action at home and in their community to help keep our environment clean and healthy for generations to come.

Due to the COVID-19 outbreak, there are actions all of us can still take to put litter in its proper place while staying at home and physically distancing. Visit Ontario's website for more ways you can help do this:
https://www.ontario.ca/page/act-on-litter #:~:text=The%20Provincial%20Day%20of%20Action,May%20each%20year%20in%20Ontario.

05/02/2021

Cat TV

05/02/2021

Elbow bump the bride!

05/02/2021

Less Calories

A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies.

The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual."

"Why is that?" the mother asked.

"We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.

04/26/2021

Career Training

The proprietor of a small village drugstore was called out one sleepy spring morning, leaving the establishment temporarily under the sole management of a very young, and very uneducated, clerk.

"Just answer the phone if it rings, Jim," instructed the proprietor.

The phone rang.

"Hello," said the clerk.

"Do you have streptomycin and aureomycin?" asked a voice at the other end.

The clerk scratched his head, then said, "Ma'am, when I said 'Hello' I told you everything I know."

04/26/2021

Sacred Heart Church Chicken BBQ Cancelled

CANCELLED
MAY 2ND @ 4PM-5:30PM
Sacred Heart Church ½ BBQ Chicken Supper Fundraiser
CANCELLED

IT IS WITH REGRET DUE TO COVID & HEALTH REGULATIONS
THIS EVENT IS CANCELLED UNTIL THE FALL

THE CHURCH IS OFFERING REFUNDS TO THOSE WHO BOUGHT TICKETS CALL FOR DETAILS

04/18/2021

April showers bring May flowers and we still have a nice selection of seeds available at the library...give us a call and we can have some available for curbside pick-up. This is a great learning opportunity too for the whole family.

04/18/2021

Get Him into Bed

It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.

When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”

04/18/2021

Saying Grace

Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals.

One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, "Jerry, what does you father say when the family sits down to dinner?"

Jerry answered, "Dad says 'Go easy on the butter, kids - it's three bucks a pound!'"

04/18/2021

The United Way Leeds & Grenville have launched COVID-19 Vaccination Transportation Program in coordination with Lanark Leeds & Grenville Health Unit. This program is to help assist residents of both Leeds & Grenville who can't get transportation for their COVID-19 Vaccination.

Pick-up and drop off will be coordinated between the agency and resident for those who live in Leeds & Grenville. Passengers are required to wear a mask and to give 48-72 hours notice for transportation.

Contact Christine Radford at 613 - 342 - 8889 or [email protected] to coordinator your ride.