Being a single mother is not easy. It takes family toughness and support to be both mother and father in a household. Surely you don't imagine, Bun, what to do when you have to be a single parent.
When divorced, of course there are phases of life that change. If usually everything is done together, now it must be handled alone. But for the sake of the children, surely you will try your best, right?
1. Try to make peace with the past
When a new divorce occurs, talking to the ex may be painful. Each other is still overwhelmed with emotions. Even so, keep trying to make peace because this is also for the sake of children.
"We have an obligation to children to remain friendly, or at least polite to former partners," said M. Gary Neuman, marriage consultant and author of Helping Your Child Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way.
Also avoid saying harshly to your ex-spouse. Despite the fact, we are faced with the situation of a former spouse who does not show up and relinquishes responsibility for the child, by not providing financial support and making life miserable. This was agreed by Susan Bartell, PsyD, author of Mommy or Daddy: Whose Side Am I On? that we should not badmouth a former spouse in front of a child. Because whatever the disadvantages, children will still love their father.
Maybe this is indeed easier said than done. But, that does not mean you can not at all. So, try as hard as possible to make peace with the past. In addition, Mother also has to protect herself from negative comments to friends, mothers, or neighbors about ex-husband, for fear of being heard by children.
2. Move on
After becoming a single parent, you will discover many things about yourself, which you don't even realize when you get married. Mother can be an independent and achiever, can run a household, have their own salary, take care of children very well. Children will become more responsible and empathetic.
"Children grow well as long as parents love them and raise them with consideration," said Dr. Susan.
That is why, it is important for a woman not to dissolve in sadness. Moving and building yourself is more important than continuing to think about households that have cracked. In addition, no matter how busy a single mother, must still take time to pay attention to their children. It's not easy to just walk it away, but with patience and sincere intentions, believe everything will be fine.
3. Start a new date
When no longer obsessed with relationships with ex-husband, meaning Mother is ready to move on. But, find a good man sometimes
it feels like climbing Mount Everest. We need more than a compass to find the way.
"Someone is ready to start a relationship again, when he does not feel he needs a man, but rather feels he wants him," said Sharon McKenna, author of S*x and the Single Mom.
In this case, Mother must definitely keep the child's feelings. As single parents, we must be careful when we are introducing new people into our lives. It might be fun to find a father figure for a child, but not all men who are dating women are eligible to get the role. Do not introduce children to men on the first date, even though Mother likes it and she looks potential. This can make children less comfortable.
"It's important to tell the child the truth about our social life, but give him a version he can understand that won't worry him," said Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.
