08/03/2024
Vladimir Klotky The Non-American Dreamer
Ďakujem,(greeting in Slovak Language)
Hello friends, učenec, vedec, and naked readers. I was told by American priatel' to opowieść moi story rather tell my story. Excuse me, I need help with English language translation. My American friend and colleague Benton Schmearer will assist me with the process; thank you, Benton.
In my young days growing up in the town of Pozechz, Slovakia I had nice shoes, trousers, necktie hats, and many jackets. I have been going to school for many years. Education strongly motivates, or you sit with pain in your a**s and face cheeks, ouch! Much violence for making discipline.
My father was a businessman in a big corporation named Flyzer Incorp. This is the factory where medicine is likely to be created. Over twelve amputee employees and some healthy non-amputee men and women check inside and work hard for money. Payment is big and nice, you get extra money when overtime is permitted. Like an old saying from the people of my hometown is “Milujem Slovensko”(Money is timeless silence).
When we lose good president Vladimir Khlub, the Slovak people suffer from pain and have fewer paper toilets. This makes Vladimir angry! I took it in the face of the opposition party and no more votes of mine, I told those scums I was tired of losing, not winning battle. So I moved to America. United States of America. (singing) Beautiful for Satan's spies, forever waves of grain, Purple mountain majesty Avon on fruit and planes, America America, God sheds his life for thee, from brotherhood and sister good, from sing to china sing. Ah ha ha ha I can go on forever. In all sincerity, I love the USA, the land of the free home of Blade, my favorite vampire film. Don't ask don't smell and ladies before trans males and pronouns. I was confused about this but I grew up with the ladies' first rule not making new rules to act as verbal shields to protect my self-centered need for attention or self-deprecation of self-respect. Perhaps? I don't know but I love it here! I am so happy to be an American. You see, this place is my true home.
I live on a fancy boat in the town of Groton, Connecticut. It is the perfect life for me. On occasion I got invited to a rock music show and the cool band named Politics of S**t made me join last week. I am so honored and very proud. I tell you now, I'm not lying, I've got an er****on in my trousers. Andjze Mungh, the guitar player of the band says, "I am the winner of a chicken wing dinner." I agree, Andjze! I also love to drink wine and for me, it tastes like the first time making blood from the private sacred or***ce of a virgin. It tastes delicious.
Andjze invited me to the new Naked Club and Bar on Friday. I was simply amazed. My best friend John always tells me stories about this wondrous place. He sometimes tells his wife he goes to church for prayer and the sacrament instead of bar and I think to myself, Is he confused? It was the month of June and sunshine on beautiful ladies and fashion-dressed guys walking like they were in a Hollywood film, I imagine the title called A Sunshine Fun Day To Walk, I hope I do not forget this idea. Anyway, John said to me, Vladimir, "Do you like bo***es? I say holy rabbit on easter Sunday, I f**k for sure do! Does bear s**t in the woods after eating honey bee ej*****te? We all laugh together and it makes a sound so loud a woman next to John yells to him shut up your face, please! I say to her listen, lady, this is America in case you forget. Freedom of speech is one of the many things this country was built upon. In case you forgot I reminded you, okay! This is when lady spit on me and everybody laugh like crazy people. I will never let anyone disrespect our precious American freedoms.
Prior to the entrance of the naked bar, we dress in nice trousers and fancy jackets and shirt ties. John reminds me to smell dobry or good as they say in the USA. I have nice perfume I wear on special occasions. It consists of oil of petrified raven beak, clove ci******es, sauerkraut, oven-fresh biscuits, and earthworm fluid. Mixed it makes an ascent I've never experienced in my entire life, even John’s wife says she likes it. We leave his home and John says to his wife that he is excited for church. I follow him and say I cannot wait for church! I look to John and my right eye winks as if to suggest we have a secret that wife cannot find out and we smile.
Club nudity is in a busy part of town and we sit down for drinks. Mmm yummy yummy in my tummy. It tastes so good I will never forget it. The less-than-truthful John sits down first and orders everyone vodka and double vodka on rocks. I order myself the same thing and then I realize I forget to bring money, my wallet is home in other trousers and I say “Oops!” I tell John and he shouts at you kidding 'f**king stupid immigrant stink ass man?' He stops as if to be thinking deeply and this makes me nervous. “It's okay,” he says, “you are only human” We drink vodka with ice cubes and an attractive, well-developed lady asks if I want to dance. Beautiful women dancing ooh la excite me, and I politely respond no thank you. The music is very loud and the voices are difficult to hear plus the vibrations make me feel like drums are playing in my belly and chest. I begin feeling anxious and I have bad stomach bubbles my body is not so happy so I drink in anticipation to relieve this but I only get drunk. I start to hear many voices saying strange things like, Babysit on my face and let me smell your work, and my favorite, be my pretend wife. Many things were said amidst the dancing lights and girls with fabulous wobbling buttocks and more non-mentionable expressions were said by intoxicated husbands, dads, businessmen in tailored suits, and casually dressed low and middle-class people who at times were impolite.
As excitement is coming to a close, I make a gesture for my friend John. I say to him in a moment of drunk euphoria “John, You make all your friends happy, even melancholy Meshow who had a ge***al mutilation accident at his job, The Olive Garden. "You're a good man and an honest friend.” In a blink of an eye moment, I think of his wife, Daniella. How does such a beautiful and sane woman love a horrifically scarred, insanely obese man? “Despite a confusing and apprehensive way, I like how you accept me as part of your family." You made serious choices when allowing me to be your friend. In confidence, I told you I murdered a communist rebel in Russia, 1979 Soviet Union, and not once did you ask me why there was no imprisonment. It is because you make me a better person in life and maybe you are not always so smart. I also escaped from the country at an exact and effective time.”
Suddenly, I start to cry. Like a bitch ass. I am ashamed. I feel like I get the first fist f**k in the backseat of the car when I turn the legal age of consent. John looked at me crying like a w***e who lost hard-earned drug money turned to me and said, "Vladimir, you are a great guy and yes you are family, and never underestimate the power of familial love. You are like an alcoholic brother who I always enable out of a lack of self-respect and my co-dependency issues, you are my chosen brother in life. You are a lot like my wife who is now home sleeping and who I hope when I get back home with a buzz on, will have s*x with me but never will. You are a strong, tough, fearless, and funny man who owes me for the drinks tonight, don't forget!” I think to myself what a clever son of a bitch! I never believed anyone would accept me for who I am because of my insane ways of living. In America and the hearts of my friends, especially John and once in a while Hector, the women's shoe collector. It was proven otherwise. We embraced each other in a platonic and nons*xual way. A pure moment of nicety in a bar of naked women that I will never forget.
In conclusion, do people not see that to care for themselves, women must dance while smiling with faces painted and attached to breasts, butts, and bellies bouncing and beautiful? What does it take to be a person of integrity and sincerity that people can sense inherently? Is it disrespectful to women, to their wives, and to themselves? I don't think it's my friend or brother. I will be waiting in hell for you, John Jacob Jingleheimersmith. Your name is my name too. Ďakujem
Vladimir Klotky
(Favorite Song: Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen)
Check it out on my website: https:www.mysteries-and-spirits.com
