29/06/2024
💜 Mum Guilt 💜
Halfway through school holidays already!
I had grand plans for my babies for these couple of weeks. We were going to meet Bumpy the Wombat at our local library, go to Australia Zoo, my little girl had an appointment for some princess pampering and we were going to check out a new playgroup.
Well none of that happened, because I ended up (and still am) sick as a dog.
Everything cancelled.
So instead of giving my children memories, I’ve given them a week of being stuck at home with a Mother who has been sick, lethargic, short tempered and exhausted. S**t, they’ve even gotten bored of watching TV, that’s how much I’ve relied on it this week.
I’ve cried, I’ve yelled, I’ve begged my young children to stop asking me for more food, more activities, more books, different movies.
I’ve sat on the outdoor couch in the sun while my 2 year old son asked over and over for me to push him on the swing and help him on the slide. I’ve said over and over “Mummy is sick today, no playing for Mummy today”. He’s walked away upset, I’ve started crying because now I feel even worse than before. I’ve watched my beautiful 5 year old daughter yell out “don’t worry Mum, I’ll help him!” And then proceed to safely strap her brother into the swing and push him, then gently help him out and stretch up as far as she could to hold his hand while he went down the slide.
I cried even harder, because it’s my job to do those things. Her job is to enjoy being 5, not play Mum to her brother.
I apologised over and over to her for being sick and not being able to be a good Mum to them this week, for essentially ruining her school hokidays, and she quietly responded “it’s ok Mummy, we all get sick sometimes”.
I’m grateful it’s the weekend, and today they’ve had a day filled with so many fun activities and quality time spent with their Dad, which has allowed me adequate time to rest.
But the guilt hasn’t gone anywhere. One thing I have consistently struggled with for years is being too hard on myself, and I hope one day I’ll learn to be more kind, more often to myself.
I know every single Mum feels the burden of Mum guilt, and I’m thinking of you all while I’m sitting in the thick of it right now.
Tomorrow, when the mum guilt inevitably sneaks in, my intention is to remember to push back by remembering all the moments I do a great job and go above and beyond for my family.
After all, Circle of Security states we only need to be “perfect” parents 30% of the time 💜