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The Bulltoota

Mt Buller's only reliable news source
(1)

08/02/2022

Mt Buller has been proven to have perfect snow conditions to train athletes competing in the Beijing Winter Olympic Games this year.

The mountain's commitment to snowmaking may cost a fortune, but they have struck gold following Jakara Anthony's mogul win on Sunday.

Targa will unfortunately be cancelled, while a parade will be held in honour of the hard work and great achievements of Buller's sweetheart, the Techno Alpin SF220. Commemorative tshirts can be purchased now with a diverse photo of snow guns from around the world on the Olympic podium together.

In related news:
Team Buller Riders (TBR) claim that the higher fees announced today have nothing to do with Jakara Anthony's gold medal win.

Now only accepting future olympians, TBR have also had to implement a strict "no refund for lack of talent" policy.

09/08/2021

While negative Covid tests are out the window, net-worth tests will be a requirement for any regional guests hoping to enter the resort. That's right, as of midnight tonight guests will need to prove they can match the spending of their Melburnian counterparts.

The RMB has also strongly recommended that all staff return a negative STI test before leaving the mountain.

The recent lockdown hit us like a giant pen*s-shaped rocket. But today's announcement has provided the mountain with a moment of hopeful relief.

Bring on the country ski mums!

26/07/2021

With multi-million-dollar developments continuing around Mt Buller, the local trees have taken a stand and started chopping themselves down in protest.

Unfortunately, their protests haven't resulted in the outcome they were hoping for. Since permits to remove native vegetation have become increasingly difficult and expensive to obtain, real-estate developers have come out on top - with major developers still trying to decide on the colour of their new yacht.

While the Village looked like a hurricane swept through overnight, the RMB is under fire for exacerbating the issue of human/nature relations. More shocking than last year's breakup of beloved vocal group, Human Nature.

Bulltoota has received no response from the governing body - the RMB, not Human Nature.

Clean up efforts continue through the night. Probably... Depending on overtime rates.

23/07/2021

BREAKING NEWS
A luxury ski resort in Australia has been accused of charging more for everyday items than someone would pay in Melbourne. It may sound like slander, but the Bulltoota research team has uncovered the truth.

Are you sitting down? Perhaps on the toilet while you scroll blankly through your newsfeed? Well good. Because this may shock you...
Businesses all over Mt Buller have been exposed to be charging more for their products.

Our reporters heard every excuse in the book:
- we operate in a rural town
- we operate in an alpine area
- our transport costs are higher
- we're only open for 3 months of the year
- our business is weather dependent
- we provide a luxury service/product
The list goes on.

Despite the fact people are waking up Dusty every morning during a government-mandated lockdown, the shear fact that pizza here costs more than Dominos is inexcusable.

We await a personal apology from every business up here for extorting the common man and depriving them of nutrition.

***Redeem your 90% discount from all participating venues using the code

Namaste

16/07/2021

The Victorian Government's announcement of a statewide lockdown has triggered post traumatic stress disorder among the Mt Buller community. The Medical Centre has been forced to open a pysch ward to cope with the emotional distress of the people.

Thankfully a team of caregivers arrived on the mountain overnight. Easily identified by their dark coloured Range Rovers, we encourage you to thank them for their service as they selflessly abandon their homes to assist in our time of need.

In other news: The Grollo's favourite radio station has been busy making friends while they report on all things Buller

01/06/2021

Breathtaker has been left winded after a staff member went downhill over the weekend.

Medics determined that it was too early in the season to be scurvy and not late enough to be an STI. With no research or consultation, the medical team determined that all staff were infected and placed a fumigation tent over the Hotel.

Following the outbreak BSL threatened to give BT the shaft. However, one BT staff member misunderstood the threat as an offer to mend their broken darts.

Broken darts and broken hearts.

In other news, Perisher drops their massive c**k on the table for all see.

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Mount Buller, VIC
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