18/12/2025
Too good not to share. At Sorrento News we appreciate MP locals who call it as it is. Peninsula Noticeboard: The Serious Edition is definitely a favourite here. Take a few minutes to read Bec’s take on Sorrento a week before Christmas. 🎄🎉😂
Bec’s Unhinged Review:
Sorrento
Six days out from Christmas and Sorrento has officially stopped being a town and started being a European car dealership with a beach problem. I’ve seen more Audis than actual locals. Four-ringed privilege rolling into town like “drop the fu***ng mic, I’m parking wherever I want Sharon” half on the footpath, half in the bike lane, nose pointed at the ocean for the aesthetic. Indicators? Optional. Hazard lights? Apparently a legal parking permit if your car costs more than my annual grocery bill.
Every second bloke is wearing boat shoes that have never seen water, every second woman looks like she’s just “ducked down from Toorak for the vibe”, and every café is serving a $9 iced latte that tastes like regret and oat milk sourced from a cow that’s done Pilates. You can’t walk ten metres without nearly being cleaned up by a Range Rover reversing out at Mach 3 while the driver stares directly through you like you’re a decorative shrub.
The footpaths are a full-contact sport. Prams, dogs, linen shirts, fake tans, kids screaming, dads aggressively holding iced long blacks like they’re weapons. Someone’s always lost, someone’s always angry, and someone’s always saying “oh my god it’s just like Italy” while standing next to a bin that smells like hot chips and sunscreen.
And the shops. Lord have mercy. Every boutique is selling the same beige outfit for $400 and calling it “coastal luxury” like it hasn’t already been worn by 700 influencers this morning. Meanwhile the locals are just trying to get bread without having to parallel park between a Porsche Cayenne and a Tesla that’s been abandoned with the doors open and the owner nowhere to be found because Sharon “just popped in for one thing”.
By 11am everyone’s sunburnt, dehydrated, and yelling. By 2pm the beach carparks are a war zone. By 5pm there’s a queue for dinner longer than Centrelink on a Monday and someone’s dad is absolutely losing his mind because they don’t do bookings “like this back in the day”.
Sorrento this week is chaotic, unhinged, loud, beautiful, annoying, iconic and hanging on by a linen thread, and honestly? We wouldn’t have it any other way. Look out, six days to Christmas, the Audis are multiplying, the locals are hiding, and if you see me I’ll be the one walking faster than everyone else muttering “I fu***ng live here” under my breath.
You won’t see me down that end of the peninsula until January 28th.
Stay unhinged, Legends ✌🏼