A creative venture, sharing mindful crafts made with intention, purpose and kindness. Creatively Thought Provoking
19/01/2025
How to Support a Friend
In my last post, I mentioned how the question "Are you okay?" can be challenging for someone who is feeling overwhelmed, especially caregivers. When I choose to be vulnerable and share my current situation, the most common responses I hear are:
• "You cannot pour from an empty cup, look after yourself."
• "Protect your energy."
• "Take some time out."
These statements are made with the best intentions and care. But think about it—would you tell someone with knee pain, "You should lose weight, that will fix the pain?" Some might, but most people would think twice.
All caregivers KNOW the importance of taking some time out and filling their cup. But when you're in a state of burnout—not because you've been doom scrolling social media, drinking an extra bottle of wine, or eating an entire sleeve of Oreos—but because you've been up all night putting someone to bed eight times because they're unsettled, or you're hyper-alert because they're showing early signs of a seizure…it’s a different story.
Reminding a caregiver to look after themselves and fill their cup is about as helpful as telling someone overweight to stop eating.
How Can You Be a Supportive Friend?
When a caregiver opens up to you, recognize the value of that vulnerability. It takes courage and is something most caregivers don't often do. Here's what can help:
1. Acknowledge Their Efforts: Understand that when a caregiver shares their struggles, it’s a big deal. Appreciate their honesty and bravery.
2. Ask Specific Questions: Instead of general advice, try asking, "What has helped you recharge in the past?" This directs their focus to positive actions and solutions that have worked before.
3. Offer Practical Support: Actions speak louder than words. Offer specific help, like, "Let's have a chat while you walk around on the grass with your shoes off," or, "I'm coming over to help with the dishes so you can listen to music or meditate for 30 minutes."
Discovering Recharge
Listening to Jay Shetty and David Ko on Jay’s podcast discussing David’s book Recharge, I learned a valuable lesson. David shared how a friend used a different way to check in on her family by asking, "How charged is your battery?" David adopted this approach with his family, friends, and colleagues, which led him to write Recharge.
The Battery Check-In
Think about it: When someone asks, "How charged is your battery?" you stop and reflect on where you are on your internal energy scale. "Are you okay?" might get an automated response, but "How’s your battery?" prompts genuine self-reflection.
During a holiday crisis in December 2024, I didn't stick to my regular meditation, walking, or grounding practices. I reverted to art, my childhood coping mechanism. My GP empathized, noting that caregivers are often the first to be impacted by change and the last to get time to heal.
My Hope for Caregivers
By sharing my experiences, I hope caregivers see themselves in my story and friends of caregivers understand why they might be exhausted or withdrawn at times.
Let's create a community where caregivers find true support and understanding. By asking thoughtful questions and offering real help, we can show caregivers that there is hope in challenging situations.
💖 My intention is to help caregivers be seen and appreciated for all they do. 🌸
Effective Solutions for Reducing Stress and Trauma
1. Movement (Walking): Incorporating regular physical activity like walking to reduce stress levels and improve overall well-being.
2. Calming the Mind (Meditation): Practicing meditation to calm the mind, reduce anxiety, and promote mental clarity.
3. Reducing Stimulants (Sugar, Caffeine): Cutting down on stimulants such as sugar and caffeine to help manage stress and improve physical health.
4. Grounding: Engaging in grounding practices, such as walking barefoot on natural surfaces, to connect with the earth and enhance emotional stability.
Additionally, you found inspiration from documentaries like Heal with Kelly and Grounding, which further emphasized the importance of holistic approaches to managing stress and trauma.
These solutions helped you manage your symptoms, reduce body tremors, and improve your overall well-being by providing practical, actionable steps that fit into your daily routine.
