heal.with.kara

18/09/2021

Sharing for those who may need to read this today ♥️

It's not you. The fact that you’re struggling to enjoy motherhood has less to do with you than it does the inadequate support structures in the culture surrounding you.

You may be isolated in your home, but you are far from alone in your struggle. I've heard enough heart-wrenching tales from enough soul-starved mothers now to be able to say, beyond a doubt, that this is a collective struggle. It’s an epidemic. It’s systemic grief we're all feeling.

Motherhood is meant to be experienced within the loving embrace of sisterhood. Just as trees grow stronger and taller with their roots intertwined and their canopies overlapped for protection, we thrive together in ways that simply aren't possible alone.

The fact that you're overwhelmed, worn out, and struggling to enjoy the very same children you would give your life to protect, is not a reflection of your inadequacies or lack of heart. It's a reflection of your many unmet needs within a culture that banks on your disempowerment.

We've got to be more gentle with ourselves. Without self-compassion (and loads of it), we're especially susceptible to the lies that have us blaming ourselves for what is actually the fault of an oppressive capitalist machine driven by patriarchy and white supremacy.

Don’t buy the lies. You are enough, and you’re doing a beautiful job. 🌿

*photo credit Jote Khalsa

13/05/2021

Sharing for anyone who might need this today, I know I do!

Babies do not need to be taught on how to link their sleep cycles. (they already know how to link sleep cycles.). All babies sleep in cycles of between forty-five and sixty minutes (depending on their age). Babies over four months cycle through four stages of sleep, just like adults.The difference is, adults can connect their sleep cycles without needing any assistance. Some babies can connect their sleep cycles without any help while the majority of babies still need assistance to go back to sleep. Babies wake up because of hunger, thirst, pain, fear, discomfort, a need for human contact, or a wet diaper. This is why when a baby wakes up at the end of their sleep cycle they need their parents' consistent support and responsiveness to assist them back to sleep if something does alert them to awake

Stage 1 Falling Asleep - the first 10 minutes: Eye movement begins to slow down and your baby begins to fall asleep.

Stage 2 Light Sleep - minutes 10 - 20 : The second stage of sleep is still light. Brain waves begin to slow down, but your baby is still easily startled at this time.

Stage 3/4 Deep Sleep - minutes 20 - 30: Then your baby moves into restorative deep sleep.

Stage 5 REM (Rapid Eye Movement) Sleep - minutes 30 - 45: This is the active sleep state where brain growth such as learning and memory occurs. You may see eye flutters and movement.

Arousal - minutes 45 - 50: Your baby is back into light sleep as they finish their sleep cycle. Majority of babies will wake up during this stage needing to feed, diaper change or will call you out for help to get them back to sleep.

You’re not doing anything wrong when you respond to your child at night. Believe in me; they will learn to link sleep cycles without your help in their own time. In the meantime, keep on helping your to sleep in the way that works best for both of you. You aren’t doing anything wrong, and it will all work out fine in the end.

28/03/2021

Postpartum lasts forever 💖

When people ask me why I say our system is broken and fails to support breastfeeding mothers... this is why. If you’re lucky you’ll have continuity of care over your pregnancy, however it’s highly likely that after the birth of your baby every one of these appointments you will see a different midwife, child health nurse or GP. Advice can be conflicting, there is focus on your very new postpartum body but then that support all disappears. While a positive transition into early motherhood can have long lasting effects, it doesn’t prevent future hurdles or provide adequate support. Everything doesn’t magically go right from 6 weeks that’s for sure.

It just isn’t good enough. Mothers deserve better.

22/03/2021

It take a village to raise a child AND to breastfeed a child. If this was a more well known concept my breastfeeding journey would have been much more pleasurable 🙃

Breastfeeding is often treated like it is just the responsibility of the parent, but in fact, breastfeeding has the best chance of success when it is a community effort. When new parents feel supported to thrive everyone benefits!

Breastfeeding is a normal biological process, but it is a learned skill, it can be challenging at first and it requires a lot of support!

Give the person you love the best chance of breastfeeding by watching this video to learn the basics.

Check the video which is presented by Antonia Anderson, who co-teaches our Breastfeeding Course for Professionals along with me, the founder of Newborn Mothers, Julia Jones. https://newbornmothers.com/blog/breastfeeding-basics-for-family-and-supporters-video

25/02/2021

This time last year I went out with friends to a bar to celebrate my birthday - my daughter was 7 weeks old and I had had major surgery during her birth. I look back now and can’t believe it. Why did I think this was normal? Because that is the general message that is shared throughout our society. If we are blessed with a second baby I will be hibernating and resting for as long as possible. Take this time Mama’s, this time is for you and your baby and no one else ♥️

I’m tired to my bones of seeing wonderful, hard-working, passionate new mothers being feted for answering work emails from the hospital/being out and about day two of postpartum/back to their business only days after giving birth/doing 10,000 steps two weeks after birth/having a flawless look when they’re going through what is a real rollercoaster. I know it comes from a good place, but the message is that success as a mother=getting back into the world as soon as possible. And that is not, according to research, evidence and ancient cultural knowledge, actually the best thing for new mothers—far from it. It contributes to this toxic culture where asking for help is a weakness, and struggles are a sign you’re a failure. Instead, can we please encourage women to properly rest, heal and bond? Can *that* become the thing we celebrate, that earns the “wonder woman!” “Warrior!” “Amazing!” comments?
I get that for some, returning to work before feeling ready is a harsh reality, and needs must—especially in countries where maternity leave is woeful. For others, creativity surges during postpartum. And yes, taking a real break when self employed is hard. But you know what’s harder? Postnatal depletion. Having your mental health take a hit. And one day, looking back and wishing like crazy you’d just slowed the f**k down because you will never, ever get that time with your tiny baby back.
What’s not *that* hard, by comparison, is setting boundaries with clients/employers/family/friends, asking your partner to help you rest, pre-loading your Instagram posts, keeping a journal for all those middle of the night ideas and lying the f**k down for what is, in the scheme of things, a blip. A sacred, transformative, beautiful and brutal blip that is not served by replying to needy clients. The end.

21/02/2021

Oh my goodness this makes me so wild 😡

I love caprese, but this random comment in a Facebook group I’m in made me sad. So, you’d *just* given birth, and you had to provide food for the multiple people who entered your baby bubble? HELL TO THE NO. This is not how it should be. For a start, if you want heaps of visitors, okay you do you, but they should be bringing the food. But frankly, not many people genuinely want hordes in their space during a time when it’s hard to string a sentence together, never mind share how your (sacred, transformative and possibly traumatic) birth was to Uncle Ted while also trying to get a newborn to latch? Who wants Beryl the neighbour wafting her perfume around and grabbing the baby? Again, I say HELL TO THE NO. To the expecting parents and the excited friends and family around her! Respect the goddamn baby bubble! Feed the mama! Let her rest and DO NOT let her make you a gourmet charcuterie board!
Now; before I hear the “yeah, buts” I get that sometimes you might want people around. That’s cool, the presence of trusted people is really important, but do you know what my rule is? You need to be comfortable with them enough to a) put them to work and b) pull your b**b out in front of them.
I also get that in many cultures there’s enormous pressure to have visitors and sometimes setting boundaries feels harder than just letting it happen. I’ve helped clients who’ve faced this, and honestly? Just lie. Your and your partner can pick a couple of days a week to open up the house but! Make sure there are days in between for downtime and rest, and the way to ensure that might be to say you have appointments. I’m serious. If you want a positive postpartum, filled with good bonding, successful breastfeeding and reasonably well rested and adjusted parents, you need to protect your energy and space. The kindest thing people can do for you is drop a meal on the door, or wait to be invited in. Remember, you will never, ever get this time back.
Okay, rant over ❤️

20/02/2021

Do you agree with this?

Before our daughter I thought mother’s intuition was magically instilled in us but realised throughout her short life that for me, it is definitely learned.

In this episode of the Birth Circle podcast, I talk with Sarah about the history of the role of a doula and its ties to breastfeeding, and the qualifications and role of doulas throughout the world. I also discuss the need for a cultural shift toward valuing and investing in birth and postpartum worker’s care and increasing our cultural awareness of how important the postpartum period is.

Listen to my talk with Sarah here: http://bit.ly/3oeRHjW

13/02/2021

One of the reasons why I want to hold the mother - so they can hold the baby ♥️

Many cultures have a window of 40 days after childbirth for lying in. Not only to help the mother to rest and recover but also to help her newborn baby adjust to life outside the womb. ⁣
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Unaware that they are separate from their mother and with an immature nervous system, there are many things you can do to support this transition such as:⁣
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🌿 Keeping lights dim whilst their sensitive eyes adjust (no fluorescent or bright shopping center lights)⁣
🌿 Avoiding loud noises and large crowds⁣
🌿 Keeping them wrapped/swaddled or in a carrier (mimics the womb environment)⁣
🌿 Let them lay on your chest so they can listen to the sound of yours or your partners heartbeat⁣
🌿 Play soft calming music or white noise around the house ⁣
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Do you have any other suggestions to include? ⁣
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11/02/2021

I love this idea! I’m going to try and do this myself. Would it be helpful for you when you are feeling overwhelmed?

Top tip for when everything feels like it’s all a bit too hard. Pick just one thing that can be made easier by redelegating, outsourcing or at least getting a bit more help with. Try it and let us know how you go ✨

10/02/2021

All babies and adults are so different, this is why one routine may work for some and not others. This is a reminder to follow your intuition. You know what is best for you and your baby ♥️

Many new mummies are scared out of their wits that if they don’t start a routine as soon as their baby is born, they are cursing themselves to a life of no sleep! You have likely been told you are creating a rod for your own back if you decide to go with the flow, but let me share a few things abo...

10/02/2021

As you may know, our little family and my small business .with.kara are moving interstate.

This means my final two care packages are up for grabs until I restock. The pregnancy and postpartum care package will be posted shortly.

Pictured here is a mini version of my IVF care package.

This one would best suit a woman who is planning to do IVF in the near future. The book by .author may be helpful with promoting egg quality and the tea by .herbs is specifically designed to support conception.

The mini IVF Care Package by Kara also includes:

🥚’Faith’ essence perfume spray from

🥚’Dream Soak’ from

🥚’IVF warrior lucky IVF socks’ (white text on black socks, size 6-8) from

🥚’Pineapple glass stud earrings (silver plated) from

The package includes an affirmation card and is presented in a lovely reusable gift bag made from recycled plastic bottles and the cost is $149. I’m happy to deliver locally to the giver or the receiver’s door and a personalised note can also be included on the Aboriginal art printed postcard. If you live outside of Mparntwe/Alice Springs postage can be arranged through at an additional cost. Check out the packages on my website (link in bio) for more detail on each item and if you are interested in purchasing please message me or email me at [email protected]

08/02/2021

This weekend I locked myself in the bathroom to have a moment to myself. ⁣
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I was tired of being touched. ⁣
I was overwhelmed and overstimulated. ⁣
I was in desperate need of a break. ⁣
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In true mom life fashion, my kids picked the lock of the bathroom door and found me. ⁣
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At that moment, I just needed space to collect myself. To take a deep breath and find the patience to soldier on until bedtime. ⁣
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We have been synchronous learning since before Christmas and I couldn't recall that last time I had space to string consecutive thoughts together. ⁣
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It's a lot. ⁣
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We all have these moments in motherhood, but there is a key distinguishing factor in how we deal with them. ⁣
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What makes or breaks us in these hard moments is the story we tell ourselves after the fact. How we interpret the event to ourselves is crucially important. ⁣
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Do you interpret your need for a break as being bad and meaning something negative about you? Is this critical story you tell yourself full of shoulds, and unrealistic expectations? ⁣⁣
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Or is the sorry you tell yourself filled with self-compassion? Reminding yourself that motherhood is hard and you are human. Validating the endless care you give and acknowledging that time to yourself is a legitimate need. ⁣⁣
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Like many things we experience, desperately needing a break isn't a problem, it is the way we interpret this need that truly matters. ⁣⁣
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Do we validate the need and show ourselves compassion or do we interpret this need as a failure? ⁣⁣
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This pandemic has been had and I'm sure needing a break is an understatement. And it's ok! Be aware of how you interpret this need and the story you tell yourself about it ❤️⁣

08/02/2021

This is a great shopping list for stocking up your pantry before your baby arrives. All of these foods make wonderful nourishing staples for new mums, and here is why.

Basmati Rice
It is light, soft, smooth and nourishing. It is easy to digest and low GI. Ayurveda considers basmati sattvic or pure.

Atta Flour
It contains the germ and the endosperm of wheat, but not the bran. Bran fibre is insoluble, so atta flour is much lighter more easily digested. Any plain flour that you usually use will do if you can't find atta flour.

Local Dark Sugar (coconut, jaggery, rapadura, panela)
It is excellent for blood building, high in iron and very strengthening. It is heavy, moist and warm, whilst white sugar is light, dry and cold.

Black Sesame Seeds
These are used for anaemia, pain relief and reproductive health. Black sesame is particularly beneficial for people who don't eat meat products. In western terms, they contain high levels of good fats, calcium, B vitamins and iron. They are very strengthening food. White sesame seeds are fine as a substitute. Grind them into a powder or paste for easiest digestion.

Ghee
Ghee nourishes and rehydrates your body and boosts your breast milk supply. Ghee grounds and cools the brain so it prevents that strung out wired feeling. It is strengthening, satisfying and soothing. It aids digestion and is cleansing and healing. Ayurveda considers ghee one of the best foods a new mum can eat. Organic is best, unsalted butter will do.

Olive Oil
Olive oil is well known and loved as healthy food, so I won't go on about it. You know what to do!

Dates
These are naturally high in energy, contain iron and are very strengthening. They are so easy to eat! Grab five dates and a cup of hot milk with cardamom to keep you going.

Coconut Milk
It is cool, oily and sweet, it is very high in water (and more nutritious than water itself!) Coconut is very nourishing and life-supporting food, and in Cambodia, they talk of a man who lived for a year on coconut water alone. Check the ingredients, it should only contain coconut, water and antioxidant. Add some gentle warming spices to make it easier to digest.

Split Mung Dhal
Not too dry, not too cold and not too light. They are just right. They are one of the most revered foods by the vaidyas. In western terms, mung beans are high in Vitamin B and C, potassium, magnesium, iron, phosphorous, copper, fibre and protein. And they cook buttery soft in 20-30 minutes. They are hard to buy, and lots of places have very old stale mung dhal. At it's freshest dry mung dhal smells like freshly cut grass. Soak it overnight for quicker cooking.

Almond Meal
High in protein and contains Vitamin E and magnesium and contain calcium, iron, phosphorus, potassium and zinc. Almonds are excellent for the skin, circulation and reproductive organs. Almond meal is really easy to mix through porridge, biscuit dough, couscous, rice... anything. Keep whole almonds in the pantry, and whizz them up in the food processor and store in the fridge if you want to have it ready to use. Ayurveda considers almonds more balanced without the brown skin, so you can blanch them first if you prefer.

https://newbornmothers.com/blog/10-foods-all-new-mums-to-have-in-the-pantry?rq=10%20FOods

08/02/2021

So much of my job is supporting parents to develop normal expectations of themselves and their baby. This support and education is desperately needed in a culture that focuses on separation of mother and baby, trying create a child that is not heavily reliant on mama and expects this to result in an independent child far more prematurely than research tells us is age appropriate.

It’s also a frequent conversation with clients because breastfeeding and sleep are deeply intertwined. They truly cannot be separated as areas of discussion.

If we can have REALISTIC expectations of us and our babies, if we can have tunnel vision on our babies and not others (let’s face it, someone else’s kid will always go to sleep more effortlessly or sleep for longer), and drown out the noise from those there to support us but giving us awful advice, then sleep ‘issues’ are really only an issue if they are causing you or baby to struggle in some way. Let’s not blame our mothering choices (when they are instinctive) or our babies sleep (when it’s appropriate) and try and fix something that doesn’t really need fixing in the first place. This season is intense. I’m right there with you, but it’s also very temporary. I encourage all my clients to consider what they can let go of or even outsource to lighten their load for motherhood and allow them to be what they need their baby to be 🧡

08/02/2021

Your experience is valid and your feelings are valid. Breastfeeding isn’t always a bed of roses. The reality is is that breastfeeding is a full time, around the clock, unpaid job that has inadequate breaks, interrupted sleep, possible pain and inflammation, but also a deep sense of purpose, fulfilment and attachment.
Find me a role that’s equally as demanding, and then someone who loves it without question. Good luck.

We need to acknowledge mothers where they are at, in the fullness of their feelings, in order to really support them moving forwards in whatever direction they choose. No “You’re luck you can breastfeed”, “Just cut her off!”, or “Give him a bottle”. Try listening, empathising, acknowledging and encouraging 🧡

Tap share to encourage another mama.

06/02/2021

One thing I’m seeing a lot of right now is parents (and particularly mothers) giving themselves a hard time for having a hard time coping with this situation.

😤 You might be snapping at your kids or partner far more often then normal.

😇 You might think everyone else is doing better than you at virtual schooling.

🤭 You might be dropping the ball at work one too many times.

🥺 You might blame yourself for not having a positive mindset.

😑 You feel like all you can do is get to the end of each minute, let alone each day or each week.

I want you to know that you are not giving anyone a hard time.

You are having a hard time.

This is hard.

You are not being deliberately deficient in any way.

You are being very human, very fallible, and very worthy of your continued love and compassion.

PS. If anyone knows the author of the original quote please advise so I can credit them.

❤️ Follow for more support and inspiration. Helping gentle parents to be gentle with themselves. ❤️

06/02/2021

06/02/2021

I invested so much time focusing on preparing for my son that I didn’t consider how to navigate the transition in parenthood and the effect of my own personal growth once he was born. A couple of weeks after my son was born, I had lost myself.

My personality, my individuality, my identity, my sense of self, my dreams for the future, and my mind. Becoming a mother was my ultimate dream, but I had no idea that I would lose myself in motherhood. I felt pain, loneliness, fear, and depression.

One of the best pieces of advice that I got from an elderly lady when my son was 2 months old, was to always take care of my own needs first. She told me that the best gift that I could give my family is a whole mom. I loved this piece of advice, and I have been using it to better understand myself and the transition from maiden to mother. Instead of feeling like my identity has been disrupted, I realize that I didn’t lose myself. I was evolving into a new space. Refinding myself and expanding.

I want to give the same advice that the lady gave to me to new or expecting mothers. Always take care of my own needs first. The best gift that I could give my family is a whole mama.

You got this mama! ❤️✨

••••••••••

We are interested in enrolling pregnant and postpartum women with and without experiences of depression and anxiety. The purpose of this study is to understand people's experiences during pregnancy and after birth and to use what we learn to improve the services available to women and especially for women who may not be receiving the services they need.
If you're a new or pregnant mom and are interested and ready to tell your story or share your thoughts, the University of Pittsburgh is paying moms $50 to talk about their journey and feelings. Click the link in my bio (Maternal Wellness Journaling Study) or visit the link below:⁠

bit.ly/deardepressiondiary