05/06/2025
I’d like to share a personal story of a profound experience I had when my nervous system returned back to a place of calm after years of being in a constant state of stress.
I had met a man who I originally had enrolled as a mediator for a sticky topic between my daughter’s dad and I. He was amazing and helped us find common ground again.
After holding space so gracefully, we chatted and I asked about his work. He shared about another modality he offered which was ‘Attunement Therapy’. Basically, he holds people while lying down, the client’s head resting on his chest so you can hear his regulated heartbeat - just like a parent would comfort a child.
I had been going through an intensely stressful period - becoming a mum for the first time whilst navigating constant triggers in my relationship. We eventually separated, and I became a solo parent when my daughter was one. That meant evenings alone at home with her and often large parts of the day, too. I was constantly giving comfort, but there was no one to offer it back.
One day I was sitting on my couch and I wrapped my arms around myself. I became intensely aware of how much I needed touch. I yearned for the comfort of another human holding me.
I remembered the man from the mediation session and decided to contact him and enquire more deeply into what an ‘Attunement Therapy’ session involved.
Just to be clear, this isn’t a promo for Attunement Therapy - though I became a practitioner because of the impact it had on me. I don’t advertise for this modality because I don’t have the capacity to lie down and hold people regularly (I fear I’d fall asleep and that would horrify me).
I did go on to have a session with him. I felt doubt creep in on my way there. What if this guy turned out not to be safe? That would really jeopardise my ability to trust men.
He was, in fact, completely professional, nurturing, and full of integrity.
All I really remember was coming to with about 10 minutes left of the session (the holding stage lasts for 90 minutes). I just lay there awake, still resting with my head on his chest. I’d fallen asleep not long after it began, which was to be expected since I was the mum of a small child.
I became acutely aware that I felt the most relaxed I had in over a decade. But the biggest shift came in how it affected my social anxiety, which I’d been struggling with for months. It was really getting me down. I desperately wanted to make new connections, being that I was new to the area and a new mum, but I just couldn’t. My anxiety prevented me from finding the right words. I feared seeming awkward.
But days after, I was in a grocery store and found myself having a good chit chat with the checkout girl. It was like a friggin miracle. All of a sudden I could talk again without overthinking and becoming agonisingly self-conscious.
Pete, the practitioner, later described what I was like in the session. He said my body kept jolting as my system unwound, until I became still and restful. It was like my entire system had reset.
This is the power of co-regulation.
My hope is this story highlights how vital it is to learn about nervous system regulation because from that place, you can begin to move toward the life you want to live.
That one session reminded me what safety feels like in the body. It didn’t fix everything, but it gave me a window into what’s possible when we’re met with safe presence.
Trust your intuition around what you’re needing in any given moment. If you’re unsure, let it become a gentle daily practice to check in and ask.
If it’s touch, which is a universal human need - maybe you can ask your partner (clarify that it needs to be in a non-sexual way) or a trusted friend to hold you.
You can also Google ‘Attunement Therapy’ and find a directory of practitioners across Australia. I do welcome women to reach out if you feel drawn. I am open to offering the occasional session.
🩷 Eve.
