10/05/2020
Dearest friends on the internet,
I hope you are all well and those of you in the US are busy finalizing your Mother’s Day preparations.
I have good news and not so good news. First the good news. I feel a lot better today. I ate every bit of my supper and was up walking around my house making sure everything was where I left it. The woman was thrilled and relieved!
Now the not so good news. This morning when the woman got up, she walked in to find me preparing her a gigantic surprise in the floor. Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head. She said “Bob! Your sickness was being filled to the gills with poop!” First of all, how dare she suggest I am full of crap. I mean, really. How undignified! Secondly, I pointed out to her that I do not have “gills” and, therefore, could not be “filled to the gills” with anything. And, finally, how does she know that I do not have some rare jungle-based cooties? How can she just jump to the conclusion that my vile illness and reason for feeling so awful was that I had an excess of poo? How dare her! Yes, it is true that I felt better, ate like a piglet and was back to my old self after I took care of the “business”. But she is not a vet. I am considering reporting her to Dr Evan, Dr Mark and Dr Kelly...and maybe law enforcement for impersonating a vet. The nerve of some people!
In other news, I’m busy tonight rallying the troops to get their Mothers Day gifts ready for the woman. Before you all ask, no, I do not plan on giving her a gift. She is my soulmate not my mother. But I do try to get the vile beasts focused enough to pull something together for her.
I must get back to tending the beasts. The last time I checked, Georgie had managed to completely wrap himself up in Scotch Tape trying to wrap her gift. Disgusting and tiring. Thank you all for the many DMs, comments and emails sending your love and prayers for me. The woman and I will never have adequate words to communicate our gratitude for each of you.
Very truly yours,
Bob