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I cried my last tear yesterday, Stutterheim (2025)

20/02/2025

Learn to be effective in people's lives

23/10/2023

Do I really know the person I am ...who am I the day before after college we spoke🗣️about it and to my understanding I thought I understood what It meant from time to time the hidden think is that faith is exercised through diversity and we try and think we in control of our lives and what must have been my 6th lap🏃‍♂️ I was not enough and that I'm a limited resource and that it is okay not to know everything 😭😭which is pressure because at most times your trying so hard to be a particular person and their kind of adapted behaviours u absorbed as u grew up .....from home childhood and u tried not to imitate those characters I tell u now at about ⏳⌚03:00, I woke up with tears because when I looked at myself I knew the concept was about myself.But how I asked myself bcz I was in denial situation after situation became overwhelming God set me up trying to show me that people Will always offer opinions no matter how many times you impress them instead they will try so hard to suck up all the good they can get from you ..........🙏💫🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤨

04/08/2023

I seriously think that a kid or kids deserve both parents in their lives for stability and I think discipline no wonder majority of our kids are solely those who are named shananigans or hooligans their conditioning is quite a challenge as I presume my child is growing up and I'm kinda confused now bcz the mother of my kids is a psycho I mean as to when we first met damn at high school I mean it all started at grade 8 she was all shy and she had Spilled her juice on me accidentally so she says to my attention appeared to be the women of my dreams ,it's funny how you can judge someone based on they looks and not their actions but I was young and she was Soo gorgeous for about her minute I didn't respond when she said sorry wiping my school t shirt.She had a skirt 🤦 and such beautiful legs damn her teeth were white 😁as⛄she was Soo attractive I had high hopes for us as to what I believed in which was her her personality made me think we were kind of compatible 😋love is sometimes so shiny that you bet ur life for it ♥️♥️♥️♥️we grew up together until one night we were at this party and we had been talking for hours and I decided to kiss her I couldn't resist ..........until we had a baby 👦🚸 like a flip of a coin everything changed it went sour I guess I wasn't just doing it for her she was studying 📖📗📔and graduated 👩‍🎓🎓for her degree and was employed at some government agency .I couldn't sleep I kept thinking to what she said earlier 🤔damn 💭what if I never see my child a again?do we even love each other............I'll continue in a moment bear with me

30/07/2023

If you give up now Uzaba ngumthwalo Kaban????😔😔🥺

29/07/2023

You know when u try to understand what has been said but u kinda act like u did not hear what was said I'm like"Uthini Na ntombazana ndini"she looks at me and says "those are my terms ke Bhuti ndini akundondli umntwana Lo uthi besitya Ntoni "Did satan just slap me on my face coz ngk I kinda remember now she is kinda testing m"Ndiyalingwa bethuna" 🤔🗣️well u are not serious I'm kinda in a relationship ngk and things are serious akukwaz ufika nje sowundiyalela it clearly does not even begin to work like that ,are u crazy? bcz if we head back down to memory lane u left me bcz of some sh*tty successful boy 🚗🏚️🏠🏡🏘️who had properties all over the world and u let that boy take care of my son .........👰💒I'm getting married in a few weeks time and this time im really tired of your games .😭she starts her tantrum of acting and tries to beg me that that she can't live without me and she regrets leaving m and acting foolish,well what makes me angry and furious 😡😤🤬 is that she is only acknowledging her being wrong after I cannot even could how many years I was in and out of court 🕍👩‍⚖️👨‍⚖️bcz of her selfish doings ..well the mother of my kid is very smart intelligent the only things she lacks is I'll say patience she ain't the long term kinda person u would say I'd struggle with her if it doesn't happen soon enough then Gone it's over for her apart from that she has a PHD in 🎓👩‍🎓n psychology but I guess the experience and all that she is trying to get and probably gonna have her practice soon enough I'm sure very ambitious 🙏🙏🤗 for me it's the opposite coz how the 🤬am I suppose to marry someone who cannot even be there at my worst ever heard of crocodile tears,😭 crying when u know u Wana get attention or be ahead of a situation u kinda understand where I'm heading I realise that it's one of her acts I tell her for now lemme bond with my son that is the least u could do👨‍👦❤️🔥😋..... (I'll finish up in a moment guys) stay tuned

29/07/2023

I think processing things or to how we tackle challenges tend to throw us out of our comfortability into some new territorial bounds........I spent about 6 months n the hospital and eventually got discharged.For Starters I knew my job of course I was fired they way it happened I got trapped in my thoughts I think that once u deep into thoughts🤔 f there's no solution to your thoughts it's trouble I mean as much as we say too much on certain things we do the opposite.....I arrived home the place was untidy dusty a mess I had to clean I did then I had to take a bath🛁 and at least 🛌 around about 20:00⏳🕒 I get a call from my colleague 📞 he asks me where am I coming from.....a Loong talk over the phone atleast as he is about to hang up he says to me come to walk tomorrow morning.... Hangs up 📴☎️ I'm surprised after so many months still haven't lost my job,🤔I still need to find my kid and my starting point is Gogo👵🏿 "u makhulu ka Lutho " she used to be around before she traveled to East London Mdantsane I have to get her number,she knows where my kid is.mmmm the following day I follow my routine and head for work the mother of my kid at my work place. I ask "Molo uphu Lutho "she replies before she even finishes I run towards my boy 🤗 I hug him I'm very emotional 😭🙏I feel like God has given me a chance to see my boy again n excitement I say thank you to my son's mother,she laughs 😅and says "u clearly don't understand do you" I make eye contact 👀 she continues and says "there's a condition that's why we here" 👀👀👀and she says let's get married 👰💒 to be continued

25/07/2023

As u wake up today believe that if u give n ur sweat and hard work it pays off eventually

22/07/2023

Uthi sazama impress crush yakho avele athi "yhuu tshomi uryti ke lamfana qha userious kakhulu" hebana mawatshiswe plz 😩💔

20/07/2023

Well I think it's obvious it was clear that it was kinda too much to manage at times but eventually I got to work, I always felt I was bigger than the place I was currently I mean for me it was kind of a piece to the whole picture but of course I had to eat and wash and wake to reality it was kind of an end game plan I got a call from my wife to be📞 she was checkin on me to check on whether I had something to eat during the day damn she was sooo sweet 😍😍I was crazily like some Lil boy who stumbled into love 😚😚😚 my face would turn red damn, How could u not love someone who supports ur dreams challenges u there is just not a single dull day what more could I ever have wanted the convos felt sooo real every time after her call 📞I would feel so platonic the day was about to end the building was almost empty I had to do the routine of checking the place is swept🧹 the alarm of course and lock up then hand over the key to my supervisor cz I'm off tomorrow I was not in a mood I got to the bar for a 🍺🍻 and 🥃to clear my mind on some few things.I had a kid🧒 he is 7 years now what happened was that we got into a misunderstanding with the mother of my kids and her last words were that I would never see my kid again which took me a while to get kind of drove to psychic ward I'll get into that a bit later lutho is his Name though his mother blocked me on social media I last saw them in midrand about 2017 it has made me go through depression I tell u now I tried I met him when he was critically sick and was rushed to Johannesburg hospital he spent a week in 🏥 a coma........... End

20/07/2023

"Ndiyakuthanda ngathi ndiyakwaz ndiqala kwa ukubona uthobekile unembeko" says my granny smiling as I come in the room I notice them staring at each other, it is heartwarming seeing ur granny kind of approving to whom your about to make ur wife I can telling the smile I have on my face is quite comforting, I notice its late we spent the whole day already and she has to be home coz of work tomorrow we say our goodbyes and leave on the way to her place she smiles and I could tell she connected with my family in the most beautiful way ever. I unexpectedly give her a kiss💋😘and tell her ur mine❤️❤️I drop her home🏡 and go I'm tired and exhausted 😩😴soon I know I'll arrive home and gotta take a 🛀and head to bed..... I have work tomorrow 🛏️🛌 doze off Monday morning I wake up nd check the time I'm late!!!!!! I'm supposed to be opening the shop the boss is on leave and made that my responsibility.... (sorry guys I'll continue later on)

17/07/2023

I'm not ready I'm......... 🤔It was total silence as much as I wanted her I had to stop I stood up looked at her, the moment was intense have you noticed when ur n soo much of a mood then all of a sudden its awkward that's was the exact moment, she grabbed my hand 🤝 and said I'm a virgin I didn't even know how to react, are they still virgins I mean we will in a society of peer pressure it takes guts to stand out like that and head ur own direction instead of going with the crowd. I couldn't speak I uttered I.... Don't.... Know before I could even finish my sentence she said I'm leaving clearly this is too much for u as she went for the door🚪I said wait..... I gave her a big hug and I told her I love her and I respect her so much and whenever she is ready I'm here and I love her 😜🤣I am a man what did you expect for me to let her go ill tell you now no man understands we love s*x crave for it all the time it was an act😜😜slept over and I had to work the following day it was a boring routine of work home eat sleep work until the weekend I'd probably check my relatives then jus to great them and be a supportive family member u know the drill. We were inlove though I mean she is the one I kept saying to myself. The following weekend I thought we should go meet my family I considered marrying her👰 I'd be very crazy not to,she challenges me she brings out the best in me her character is phenomenal damn I think she was my package an early birthday present. We visited my aunt I kinda wanted her opinion I felt like it was important to me she is normally the person who kinda speaks sense and plus everytime I visit she talks about marriage everytime, as we arrive she is there with her kids and it's a full house 🧓 is there my sister is baking🍘 my aunt is doing her💇💆‍♀️ we greet they kinda smile at her we sit down and we have conversations and then my granny asks her "ungumni" her clan name and she responds " mamsukwini " (to be continued)

17/07/2023

Life is really a gift when you have direction purpose u clearly can do the most profound things n life when you have direction,not having direction purpose that push that drives u towards something is total chaos.What are u living for? how can u live without vision? I tell you now if you have no purpose then ur blind 👨‍🦯 we all born with purpos u were not born to just live and have kids and party and have money ur life is more to that, Who are u? My question to you today is clearly that. Living ur life like it's golden it may shine on the outside but faking it is no solution either impressing the world is making a fool out of yourself. No wonder u have no peace

15/07/2023

We meet people under different circumstances and they could be the best and play a huge part n ur life over a limited period of time and I tell u this now you would think to yourself damn they presence have already got you excited, and when you think they here to stay they suddenly disappear into thin air. We all have expectations whether we agree or not as much as u give there's some kinda expectation u require as well it could be from a person u have just met and you hoping and praying they could be what you hoping for (like ordering pizza that comes exactly how you ordered it we expect sooo much from people we say we love not letting them be themselves it's like circle within, as much as it fits in the square there are unmet needs. You could be giving that person everything you have, but bcz of their expectations they could not mean a thing bcz there's a certain way that needs to be fulfilled n them

14/07/2023

Remember when people walk away from you let them walk I don't care how wonderful they are or how attractive they are, your destiny is never tied to the person that left,people leave because they not superglued to you they not joined to you f they can not stay let them go know when people's part in your story is over stop trying to raise the dead let t go wash ur face and understand that if they walked away its no accident, if you tried to make it work and it did not its no accident accept it as the will of God have the gift of goodbyes if it was meant for you it should have stayed with you

14/07/2023

God hears the sound of injustice even though our courtrooms don't they took u to the back room and molested you God said I hear the sound of injustice, the sound of police brutality, the cry of weeping mothers in the street, betrayal, You lost your job coz u couldn't play with the boss God says I hear the sound of injustice. They could hire a fancy attorney but God says relax no need to get even with them vengeance is mine, the perpetrator won't get away clean. All of you stubborn people who won't apologize ur fool a wise man will apologize and say I was wrong I was foolish I was silly I was drunk I was childish I'm sorry 🙏😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

13/07/2023

Well I was next to her damn she wore those earrings I used to call "Nomsa" with these kinda s*xy lacey sleeveless shirt that suited her well with tights and takkies she had a weave 👩‍🦰on so gorgeous her eye contact I could not resist she said "hi I'm Amanda pleased to meet you I responded I'm mphororo with a sense of humor she laughed 😁😊" what name is that what does it even mean? I said f you tell me more about u and where you actually heading then myb I'll explain 👀she kept on smiling her teeth were white as snow damn her eyes were so shiny and glittering damn I thought to myself she is adorable she said she was about to get off at the next stop ✋🚏🚍and that she paints🎨🖼️she showed me some of her work though incredible I asked for her number without hesitation 📲we exchanged contacts nd she got of the next stop like she said 🚏have u ever felt a moment with someone that you felt like you were meant destiny kinda thing??? ❤️❤️❤️😩I knew it wasn't the end yet I reached home finally 🏠 had a shot of brandy🥃 and a quick supper and watched a movie 📺📼🎞️ before I knew it I dozzed off on the couch. Early morning 🌌woke up to do my chores as usual I'm not at work on a weekend I feel kinda lazy but I finish up and around noon already I check up on Amanda I call her 📞we speak on the phone she is doing well but she is busy during but she will come over later on❤️❤️❤️ as soon as she hung up I prepare dinner I only cook when I'm in the mood 😊😁I set the table wine🍷🍲🍽️🍴before I even manage to get ready there's a knock on the door its her she's early it's a surprise I let her in take of her coat damn she is wife material we talk have dinner and kinda deadlock in each others eyes we kiss 😘😩it is so intense I feel warm my adrenaline has risen up so fast I take of her shirt she is half naked I hold her jeans by the button I unbutton her she stops me holds me and tells me we moving too fast she is not ready........ She says......... She is I ask what? She looks at

13/07/2023

God has never left u he knows nothing just happens😭😭😭😭there are people that can walk away from you let them walk, God knows who left you, who betrayed you who molested you who r***d you, he knows you dropped outta school he knows the condition of your child he knows all u have been through he knows how old u are he knows about your bills and he knows about the condition of ur neighborhood.....

13/07/2023

The art of waiting u not gonna get the cleaving right the first six months not even the first year its gonna take some time infact years to leave the historocity of your mother and father u gonna go through some name changes nd its gonna be frustrations because it takes time for your mother to get out of your head and ur father to get outta your head and u start developing a new culture and new philosophy that ur kids one day will have to grow up and cleave and live under.. There are some men in this room who are waiting for you sister a waiting man is a man who hasn't given up, Brothers there is a waiting woman waiting on you to grow up, if your not willing to wait u going to ruin things and gonna have to start all over again coz u gonna end up at the same place I know u think I'm stupid but u are gonna end up at the same place with the second wife if you don't fix whats wrong with u ts gonna happen again...........

I cried my last tear yesterday

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