30/08/2024
Before the breastfeeding month ends, sharing my breastfeeding story to all you in hopes that you'll also be inspired to fight for your own journey too.😍
I wrote this last 2016 yet I still cry every time I read it.❤️
Before the breastfeeding month ends, I'd like to share to all of you moms our breastfeeding story.
It's what I fondly call my favorite horror story. Hehe.
Horror as it once was, yes we survived! We have survived to share our story with you, dear mommas, in hopes that you will be equipped and empowered should you find yourself on the same long, exhausting breastmilk-allergy journey.
For those of you who don't know me, I am a pediatrician. So obviously it was common knowledge that I'm going to breastfeed my baby when the time came and that the facts about breastfeeding were already known to me. What could possibly go wrong right? Or so I thought.
My BF struggle started when my son was born. He was barely term. Quite small but still normal. He was latching on fine. I had milk let down right away which made me so happy! We were discharged after 2 days.
On day 3 of life, my son was readmitted for severe dehydration.😔 Turned out he wasn't latching on well! I was wrong. I realized then that I knew so little. It's really totally different pala when you're the mom already and not the doctor!
I continued to breastfeed my son despite having very low milk supply. Exclusively breastfeeding during the first weeks is tedious and you all know that. Long sleepless nights, hourly breast feedings that seem to go on and on, painful breasts, feelings of inadequacy, etc etc etc and to top it off I was in some sort of PPD (postpartum depression). Mind you it's real. I thought my struggle would end there but then again I was wrong.
On our third week, the first sign of FPIES (Food Protein Enterocolitis Syndrome) came. Blood in his p**p. I panicked of course. I haven't even recovered from all the common breastfeeding problems then this! First thing I did was cut off all the dairy and soy in my diet. It may sound easy but it isn't.
This went on for weeks. I was already completely dairy and soy free (even a dash of soy sauce - none!) for weeks but still there was blood in ALL his p**pies. My milk supply was so low already and my son was hardly gaining weight if at all. He was already under the FAILURE TO THRIVE category (It means his weight is waaay below the charts).
I knew I needed professional help and that's where I met Doc Marini. She taught me to relactate. Although I didn't come back to see her again after one consult because I honestly didn't want people to see me so depressed. I had to resort to online group forums and google posts by moms who had the same struggle just to keep me sane. [Forever thankful to CMPA support group, FPIES group, Breastfeeding and FPIES group, etc]
At one month and a half we tried giving formula as my son really needed to be fed. His height and weight were way behind. We had Nutramigen (a formula intended for very allergic babies and for babies with cow's milk protein allergy) first but it was a fail. There were even more blood!
We tried a more specific synthetic amino acid formula Neocate (the most hypoallergenic formula out there). It was super expensive and we bought this all the way from the US coz it wasnt available here. I had really high hopes for this one because most moms in the CMPA forum vowed that it worked for their babies. Gastroenterologists could almost guarantee it would fix everything too. Well, wrong again. To my horror.. it became sooooo much worse. He had reflux symptoms already! I couldn't place him in a supine position (flat on his back) coz he would choke if I did that. So I had to sleep sitting upright, with him on my chest. And there were even more blood and mucus in his p**p!! Like the menstruating kind of bleeding! It was getting so much worse that his blood count was already going down. We had to admit him to the hospital twice because he was p**ping pure blood 8-12times a day!
Honestly, those were the scariest days in my life. I didn't think I could survive then but seeing my son so tough, fighting the fight and smiling at me despite what he's going through was all I needed and kept me going.
I realized right then that my son's dear life depended entirely on me. On my own breastmilk. I was left with no choice but to really push with breastfeeding. Despite the supply being super low. Despite everything. I really had to be very serious about relactation. I "power pumped" after every feed and whatever ounce (even if I can only pump half an ounce) I saved up, I fed to him through feeding tubes taped on my breast just to increase his volume of feedings. Yes it was that tedious.
Donated breastmilks were also not an option coz he pretty much reacted to everything I ate. I couldn't demand a mom-donor to have the same diet restriction as I had.
Well just to share to you, I was only allowed to eat these:
1) rice
2) kangkong
3) ampalaya
4) malunggay
5) banana
6) papaya
7) sikwa
Yes I'm not joking. And that's for Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. No meat. No juices. No seasonings except for salt. For 6 whole months. Day in and out. Only those. Hehe! I honestly feared food then. I cried whenever I ate. If I had a choice not to eat anything I would. Seriously! Hehe! I feared I would make my son all the more worse. Eating out is of course a no no. When it was necessary for us to eat out. I had to cook my own food at home and bring baon everywhere.
Christmas came and the whole family were eating lasagna, lechon, all the pastries in the world and there I was eating my "gourmet" ampalaya!
But well I continued to breastfeed despite ALL the challenges. I knew one day I'd see the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew one day I'd see wisdom in all of these. If you ask me what kept me going, it was because of this--You see, each time my son breastfeeds, him and I just stare into each other's eyes as if telling me "Hang in there momma" and I guess we always knew right then and there that we were going to be okay.
And WE DID. After 6 months. One glorious day after 6 months, the bloody p**p just stopped. It was like seeing light at the end of a very dark bloody tunnel. Like seeing a well of water after a long walk in the desert. That day. I'll always remember that day. I cried (again!). We survived 6 freakin' months! Yes there is GOD more than anything else. Forever grateful to you O GOD!
Now, my son is already turning two in a few days and I couldn't believe how far we've gone already. 2 years. Exclusive breastfeeding. No bottle feeding. Pure latching on breastfeeding. I honestly am not ready to wean him yet but he's needing me less and less now. Huhu. I guess for now I'll hold on to these precious moments coz oh my momma heart never wants to let go. Hihi.
*Sniff *sniff I still get teary eyed every time I recall all the details. This is the reason why it took me more than year before I can write everything down and share it.
I thank the Lord everyday for the gift of breastfeeding and for everything that happened. It was what made us who we are today- MOMMY AND CAEL. And the MOMPRENEUR that I am. It's why I am so passionate about being a fulltime exclusively breastfeeding mom. I couldn't see myself being anything less.
I know some of you have even more inspiring stories and I encourage all of you to share it to the world. You never know whose life you can touch. Posts like this was what helped me get through dreary days.
What women go through to nourish their children astounds me! How breastmilk saves babies' lives amazes me too! We mommas have that power. It's up to us to use it. Remember mommas, we are the most powerful beings in this world. "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world"
