13/05/2022
The things children commit to memory are far simpler than we think.
I don’t remember my mom reading me fairy-tales, or playing princess or tea parties. Nor do I remember playing hopscotch, plastercine or dolls together.
But what I do remember is playing with her box of buttons and empty bobbins while she worked tirelessly at her sewing machine making outfits and curtains she would sell.
I don’t remember sitting together at a picnic on the grass eating junk food and throwing a ball together.
I remember sitting on a blanket at evening church services, bible study groups and church campaigns: falling asleep was allowed, not attending wasn’t.
I don’t remember finger painting together or making pinwheels, kites or forts.
I remember our lounge being turned into a factory as we all helped make scrunchies and hessian hats to sell at the church fundraiser.
I remember an outing: we were allowed to select a book of our choice and beamed as we entered the Doulos, a Christian book shop on a ship.
I don’t remember going to a cinema to watch movies every month but I remember watching The Pilgrim’s Progress, The Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur along with my siblings, and being taught from books like “Leading Little Ones to God”.
I don’t remember sleeping in…EVER or laughing with my mom about the hangover I’d earned from the night before. I do remember spending Saturday mornings in the garden; the grouchy look on our faces making zero difference to my mom as she handed us garden tools. If not in the garden then in the house, cleaning, rearranging or baking.
Of course we had board games, cards, and were taken to play-grounds on occasion, but our parents never played WITH us. We never demanded attention from our parents.
Today it seems that we are expected to turn our children into needy and life-sapping beings. If you’re not spending every free minute with your children, you’re a terrible parent! You need to constantly be entertaining your children like an unpaid clown.
I didn’t spend quality time with my parents as defined by todays list of do’s and don’ts.
But I learned:
No matter the size of your house, or the area in which you live, take pride in your home.
A side-hustle is food on the table so do what you can with what you have.
Dragging your children to church is imperative. If they are not responsible enough to refrain from a hang-over, they do not have the brain power to prioritize their spiritual life.
Spending time together as a family doesn’t mean you have to spend money, be away from your house or be eating lavishly.
Children don’t need the fanciest toys or the latest gadgets to occupy themselves, being bored is the first step in being independent.
If your child can manage sleeping in a pram while you enjoy an evening out at a restaurant, he will be fine in that pram at church.
Charity work is for everyone, not just the rich. Anyone can help anyone.
Your children will hold the same things you hold as important so be careful what you commend.
And most importantly, hard work is your duty, not a favour you are doing for the world. Whether it’s your business, serving in a ministry in church, raising a child with the attention span of a goldfish or trying to live with a man, it’s going to be hard, it’s going to take work, so you’ll need to work hard.
I do not parent in the same way my parents did and they did not parent me the same way they were parented. We were told often how “In my day we didn’t have things like this, we used to...”
I’ve had to find a balance between the disciplinarian of thirty years ago and the “cool mom” of today. I didn’t like MANY things we did as children. Seriously, working with hessian is not for the weak!
But perhaps paying less attention to our children LIKING us and more attention to them LEARNING from us, is where the gold lies.
I haven’t found it yet, but I’m sure the glimmer of gold will be just over the next hill.
