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Turnbullet Diaries http://turnbulletdiaries.blogspot.com
Turnbullet explores the hurdles of running a business, and enjoys heavy metal

30/03/2024

Today marks three weeks, and it could have been yesterday and ten years ago at once.

My brain has still not fully caught up, but my body is indeed keeping the score.

I've worked really hard over the last 5 years especially to bring my mind and body a bit more inline. It's part of the reason I'm dedicated to working out. Because when they're out of line, I feel a bit like I'm constantly having an out of body experience.

As a Type-A, planner, we'll figure it out and make the best of it kind of person, I want timelines. I want lists. I want to talk through my options, make my choice, and deal with it.

And I cannot.

It's making me feel like I'm losing my mind.

22/03/2024

When you passed, I promised myself I would write or blog to you all the time. I'd capture every memory to look back on fondly. And I haven't.

It's not from lack of want, I promise. I want, more than anything, to document every memory. The truth is, everything is a Herculean task.

Bringing my computer down here took *effort.* Waking up takes effort. Sleep takes effort.

And every moment is marked by your absence.

I wake up, smack dab in the middle of the bed, buried under blankets. Normally, I'd be tucked to one side under a sheet. You're not there.

I leave, there's no one to kiss good bye softly as I slide out the door.

I come home, you're not there. I walk the dog alone. I come back and the house is still and silent.

15/03/2024

Many of you know my boyfriend of ten years passed unexpectedly. Maybe you sent me a nice note or thought of me. And I am grateful for that.

I will write much more about him.

But I had to get this off my chest, to talk about how grief in the age of social media can be a minefield. How strangers can use your loved ones death to score a political point.

How strange and hurtful it is.

So I'll just say this: live well and with kindness. If you can't do that, figure out why. But do not ever filter someone's death through your world view and cram their loss into some weird propaganda to score a political point.

Don't be a ghoul.

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