04/10/2024
I remember the Day like it was yesterday….
I was watching my 6-year-old son play on the floor with his Legos, we had just built an amazing spaceship together, and he was adding on to it, and we were talking and dreaming about the possibilities of what this ship could do.
He started getting very focused and we stopped talking, but I never took my eyes off of him… I was still watching him create. I started wondering about the possibilities for him, for my son. I began to daydream about the man I wanted him to become….and I grabbed my notebook and a pen and started taking notes about the things I wanted for him.
I didn’t stop writing, I wrote for hours, for days, and this went on for some time. I was praying about it, declaring it, and made the decision to do whatever I needed to in order for him to become that man.
I knew that I loved my son, but I wasn’t sure what to do, how to do it, or if I was doing a good job with him or not…it felt like I was NOT doing a good job.
To add to the voice of defeat in my head, and the fear of failing him was my son’s mom (post separation) telling me that I was a terrible Dad, and telling my son, my stepchildren, (her children), and anyone else that would listen that I was a terrible Dad.
I heard it so many times from her, I started to believe it. I thought about what I would say to her to prove that I was a good Dad, mostly while driving by myself, usually at the top of my lungs.
One early morning several days after this revelation of who I wanted my son to be, I was sitting outside talking to my Dad, Father God.
Okay, the truth is that I was complaining...not praying.
And in that moment, I told Him that I had made that decision, and God laid something on my heart that I was not expecting. I wrote this in my journal, “In order to help your son become that man, you must first become that man yourself! If you do, he will follow your lead.” I had heard someone tell me before that children are led, and that more is caught than taught.
It was at that moment that I realized that I had no idea what it meant to be a man, or how to be a Dad. I thought back to when I was being raised, and how little of what I needed was actually provided by my Dad.
When I was told that God was a perfect father, I was not able to receive that, because in my experience, Dads don’t protect, Dads don’t love, Dads don’t lead.
That was well over 10 years ago, and since then I have been on a mission to learn how to be the best father I could be for my son, to learn how to lead him well.
I still needed to work on myself for a while, and knew that I wasn't ready to date or find a wife.
So I poured the energy I had into my son, and today I am seeing the fruit of that time that I spent with him. I was a single Dad, and although I know that God designed us to raise children in a home with both a mother and a father, being single allowed me to put all of my focus on him and give him my undivided attention.
In all of this I was able to change the filter I had of my earthly father that I was viewing God through, to one that allowed me to accept God as my perfect father, one that I could trust, that would protect me, love me, and lead me.
I started speaking with countless fathers about their experience as a father, lessons learned, and I asked for any wisdom they were willing to share with me.
I read books on parenting, failed parenting, and parenting strategies. I met people that were parent coaches and had some amazing conversations with them.
God started planting seeds in me about this mission regarding encouraging the fatherless, and Dads, but I had no idea how or where to start.
I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be a coach and had imposter syndrome anyway. (Basically that means I chickened out.) I was thinking, "who was I to coach other Dads?"
I had worked with youth, and often had had the opportunity to meet some amazing young people and talk and pray with them about their lack of a father figure, and even mentored some of them. I just didn’t feel qualified.
In addition, this entire time, I had been in chronic pain from Crohn’s disease, an Autoimmune disorder that created a level of pain that is hard to convey through words. It took up sometimes up to 85% of my bandwidth in a day, but I still pushed through and achieved more than most people on any given day. Some days, I could barely function at all, but I did what I had to do, always.
I relied on God in many ways, most days. After tip-toeing around the idea of creating something and waiting for the right time that never came, I launched The Dad Link.
The Dad Link is a place where we can all become better Dads, where we learn from one another, and can lean on one another. I know this can be hard for men, we don’t naturally open up and talk about deep things within, we are taught to just carry the load and that big boys don't cry. We can't share our emotions with our wives, because it makes them feel unsafe.
You are built to carry the load, you are meant to bear the storm and protect, and to keep your emotions in check for your family and spouse...and be strong. But that does not mean that you don't have emotions, it just means there may not be a good outlet for them.
I can tell you this, the ever increasing and staggering su***de rates in men speak highly to this point. Many men are suffering in silence. This is a place that will allow you to walk amongst men that are dealing with the very same thing!
You will gain access to men of all walks of life, men that you otherwise would probably never meet, and these men could easily become your brothers in arms. We have all been fighting the good fight. Some of us have been alienated from our own children by our ex-spouses and keep hanging on… and some of us have even given up at this point. But there is hope brother.
These are the traits that men of integrity operate in; strength, masculinity, leader, provider, protector, this is the compass for many.
If your father did not teach you this, then you may not know how to operate from this place, and that's okay...because we don’t know what we don’t know.
If any of this resonates with you, if you did not have a Dad in your home to lead you, or one that was there but didn’t lead you well….
If you know that you can be more for your family, for your children….
If you want to be the kind of father you always wanted to have yourself,
If you are legacy minded, or at least want to be…then this is the place for you.
Join us, as we walk this out together.
You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
If you have a friend that should join us, please feel free to share this invitation, there is no charge for this meeting, and no limit to how many can join us.
Join us on Zoom by using the info below.
Your brother,
Michael N. Fineman, Da.D
www.thedadlink.com
Join us Saturday Morning on October 5th, at 7:30 AM EST by clicking this link or joining via Zoom.
Michael N. Fineman, Da.D is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: The Dad Link Founders Meeting
Time: Oct 5, 2024 07:30 AM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
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Meeting ID: 878 8446 7902
Passcode: 648677
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