27/09/2021
Here is the third week in May show notes. I talk about how to not spoil your child with praise.
How to praise authentically praise your kids.
Praise is the golden calf of parenting. It feels so good to encourage our kids, and we find ourselves often having the standard reaction to anything our kids do.
"Great job, buddy." Super duper, baby. You are a Superstar, my love!"
It sounds great and feels good, but is it authentic? Is your child a great artist or athlete? Do they have to be a superstar for them to get positive feedback from you?
These questions have long been debated, and I would love to discuss some practical guidelines and suggestions for how to praise and build up your child's self-esteem authentically.
Step one. When your child presents you with anything they want your feedback on, give them all of your undivided attention before giving them praise.
If the artwork is better than before, give that feedback. "Honey, you are getting better every week at colouring. "I love the colours you have chosen for your flowers."
If your child did not score a goal but worked hard in their game, choose to highlight that fact. "I know you did not score today, but you really impressed me with how hard you worked and how much of a team player you were."
Step two. Having your child only look for the highest praise is what spoils children. They do not have a realistic concept of what achievement is. The goal in parenting should be to nurture our children to self-regulate and respect their own opinions above those of others. To strive for what they are passionate about in life and not use the superficial yardstick that the world often uses to measure a person's worth.
A good parenting philosophy is to have children have a keen sense of self-worth based on their own passions, pursuits, and beliefs.