My Story - My Way
For thirty-four years, I have endured so much trapped pain in my life, the feelings of knowing I could not yet remove a mask I have worn for my entire life. My story- it is a very long and difficult story to tell, and if I do not tell it soon, as a matter of complete truth, I may lose my strength again. I worked very hard for many years, trying desperately to live with my cloaked identity. I need people to know the truth- my real story, not the story the media falsely portrays and has, over and over again. All of them, the Geraldo Show, This American Life, Current Affair, Trial Watch, Inside Edition, The Associated Press, The United Press International and newspapers throughout the world- to them I say, "just try and stop me from exposing how you ignored the lives of many, hurting them deeply to advance your own agendas."
At a time when the American people have lost faith in you- because you continually choose to ignore what matters- and that could only be the truth, I have chosen to tell it all. You cannot stop me this time, nobody can."
To the government I say, go ahead, lock me up again. It matters not where I am, the truth will always prevail. I am no longer afraid of you. I am not afraid of a dark cell. I am not afraid of your veiled threats for I now know all these years, those threats were your way of controlling me- of preventing me from exposing each of you and most especially the truth about what you did, how you harmed an innocent, young person, who to that point, had already suffered more than any child, teen or young woman should.
To Hustler Magazine I say, "how dare you think for one moment I would ever pose for your despicable magazine. You objectify women and harm society in far too many ways for me to mention. You should be ashamed."
To the bad man, I say, "you took so much from me and you were never punished. You died, and though the government knew every despicable thing you did to me, they never sought justice. For so many years, it made me feel just how you knew it would make me feel. You knew as long as I remained injured, or ‘frozen’ as I have been many times, you could continue harming me and I would never feel clean again. I hurt and it's a pain that may never truly go away, but you cannot ever hurt me again. I will not let you."
The media chose and continues to tell a different story, a story which fits their agenda better, the sensationalized version. Their desire is to gain readers, listeners, and viewers. There is only one person in this whole world who knows the complete story and though I have tried to share facts and truth with the media, they have never shown a desire to do anything but continue pushing a false narrative. They continue sensationalizing a story, choosing to ignore the truth and facts presented.
Careers have been made from the media's version of my story. A great deal of money has been made from my story. I am proud to say that I have never asked for even one red penny for the opportunity to share the truth. I am not for sale. I will never be for sale. I turned down many offers of great sums of money. With regard to money, there can be no value to any sum, if the truth may never be known. There can be no healing in my life, if the truth may never be known.
My story will be told- my way. I will never again allow a journalist, a producer or any person in the television or film industry, to ignore the truth. Since I know the truth is rarely the objective of any journalist (not any to whom I have been exposed as it relates to my own story), I must rely on moral truth-seekers and myself.
Though I am allowing myself to trust a documentary film to be explored as a potential project by a London-based film company, I would not be honest if I did not say that I do not have complete trust, nor faith, that my story will be told in only a truthful way. It may very well be that I once again, misplace my trust. To date, I have no reason to believe that they mean me harm and I pray they only hope to tell this story in a truthful manner, and a way which may serve to help others.
I pray my story will help young people understand how they may fall into dangerous traps if they place their trust in people who may mean to do them harm. I pray my story may help others find their voice; their courage to tell their own stories. I pray my story may shine a light in the darkest places and give some purpose to the pain I have felt for so many years and help others know - no matter how long they have experienced suffering, there is likely a purpose waiting to be revealed to them. I pray my story will help others find their faith or strengthen their faith.
My story involves many people and spans many decades. It is a story all people should hear, for it is a story which has and will continue to impact the lives of many people. I will never again allow the media, any person in government, or any person who intends to use me and my story for money, to manipulate me and especially to manipulate the truth.
I am finally ready to remove my mask and though it makes me shake and tremble as an aspen leaf, it is time to incinerate the vexatious antiquity buried deep within my heart and soul.
Remember always, "You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.” ~Paolo Coelho
