The Connected Life

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The Connected Life The Connected Life is a podcast that is an honest exploration of the messiest issues that keep us disconnected from the world right in front of us.
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08/06/2025

This week, we’re talking about how to share our pain without pushing people away.

The Connected Life, Episode 335
https://youtu.be/KgXqUtTnLsA

07/06/2025

“Of course I don’t know how to do this… I was never taught.”

That simple mindset shift changed everything in our relationship.

For years, we were stuck in a cycle.

We’d try to share vulnerable things—fears, hurts, needs.

But somehow, we’d both walk away feeling misunderstood and disconnected.
It wasn’t for lack of trying.

We were just using communication patterns we didn’t even know were broken.

What finally shifted things was the humility to say:
“Some of the ways I’ve learned to communicate… are actually hurting us.”

Not because I’m a bad partner.
Not because I don’t care.

But because I’ve never been shown how to express myself without blame, or how to recognize what’s happening in my body when I feel fear.

Communication is a skill.

And if you feel stuck—it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It might just mean you need a few new tools.

This week, we’re talking about the most transformative shift in our marriage—and how learning to communicate with compassion (for each other and ourselves) changed so much.

The Connected Life, Episode 335
https://youtu.be/KgXqUtTnLsA

03/06/2025

I used emotional health language to try to fix him—the more I pushed, the more he pulled away.

Emotional health stops being helpful the moment we use it to control instead of connect.

The Connected Life, Episode 335
https://youtu.be/KgXqUtTnLsA

30/05/2025

I was a hot mess in my communication style. 🙋🏻‍♀️

I was hoping he’d help me name my feelings… while I dumped them all over him.

This week’s convo is about how to navigate hard emotions in relationships. It’s a vulnerable conversation about all the messes we made and how we’ve learned to create safety in communication.

The Connected Life, Episode 334 - https://youtu.be/yboPZTfKiR4

24/05/2025

If it hurts too much to hold on, maybe it’s time to let go.
Toxic empathy makes you more concerned with how someone else will feel than how you’re feeling. It lacks balance and boundaries.

You feel their pain so deeply, you ignore your own.
You stay in the tug-of-war way too long—trying to avoid hurting them—while your own hand is bruised and bleeding.

That was me.

I thought letting go would make me the bad guy.
I thought setting a boundary would cause more pain.
So I stayed. I kept pulling. I kept hoping it would get better.
But the cost was my peace.
My body.
My sense of self.

Empathy without boundaries will always lead to burnout or bitterness.

Real empathy includes a healthy balance of us and them.

In this week’s episode, we share a powerful story about toxic empathy, people-pleasing, and why letting go is sometimes the most loving thing you can do.

The Connected Life, Episode 333 – "Toxic Empathy vs. Healthy Empathy"
https://youtu.be/u0__NjlBOw0

_______________

24/05/2025

If it hurts too much to hold on, maybe it’s time to let go.
Toxic empathy makes you more concerned with how someone else will feel than how you’re feeling. It lacks balance and boundaries.

You feel their pain so deeply, you ignore your own.
You stay in the tug-of-war way too long—trying to avoid hurting them—while your own hand is bruised and bleeding.

That was me.

I thought letting go would make me the bad guy.
I thought setting a boundary would cause more pain.
So I stayed. I kept pulling. I kept hoping it would get better.
But the cost was my peace.
My body.
My sense of self.

Empathy without boundaries will always lead to burnout or bitterness.

Real empathy includes a healthy balance of us and them.

In this week’s episode, we share a powerful story about toxic empathy, people-pleasing, and why letting go is sometimes the most loving thing you can do.

The Connected Life, Episode 333 – "Toxic Empathy vs. Healthy Empathy"
https://youtu.be/u0__NjlBOw0

_______________

23/05/2025

When empathy turns into control...

I used to think I was being loving when I tried to fix her emotions.
But underneath that “care” was actually fear.

Fear of being consumed by her pain.
Fear that if I didn’t make her okay, I wouldn’t be okay either.

That’s not empathy. That’s enmeshment.

Toxic empathy looks like:

👉🏼 I feel your feelings so strongly that I try to control your choices
👉🏼 I can’t separate your emotional world from mine
👉🏼 I lose my peace unless you feel peaceful

Real empathy has boundaries.

Now I can say, “I see how much this hurts,” without needing to take over.

I can care about her pain and stay connected to my own hope.

Empathy doesn’t mean drowning with someone. It means swimming alongside them, with a life jacket on.

This week we’re unpacking the difference between toxic and healthy empathy—and how to stop rescuing people in the name of love.

The Connected Life, Episode 333 – "Toxic Empathy vs. Healthy Empathy"
https://youtu.be/u0__NjlBOw0

_______________

18/05/2025

"Why don’t you know what I need—even though I don’t know what I need?"

That question haunted our marriage. I wasn’t trying to be hard to love—I was overwhelmed, lost in the panic of old wounds.

Disorganized attachment isn’t about logic. It’s a body that remembers what it was like to need someone who wasn’t safe. So even when we deeply want connection, our nervous system says: this is dangerous.

This episode is raw and honest - diving into the messy places where old wounds meet present relationships.

The Connected Life, Episode 332: “Why You Push Love Away.”

Full episode link -
https://youtu.be/acIPcxf17ac

___________

18/05/2025

"Why don’t you know what I need—even though I don’t know what I need?"

That question haunted our marriage. I wasn’t trying to be hard to love—I was overwhelmed, lost in the panic of old wounds.

Disorganized attachment isn’t about logic. It’s a body that remembers what it was like to need someone who wasn’t safe. So even when we deeply want connection, our nervous system says: this is dangerous.

This episode is raw and honest - diving into the messy places where old wounds meet present relationships.

The Connected Life, Episode 332: “Why You Push Love Away.”

Full episode link -
https://youtu.be/acIPcxf17ac

___________

14/05/2025

“Why can’t I let them in?”

So many of us ask this. We want to feel close. We want to feel safe. But our bodies remember what our minds try to forget.

Sometimes, the wall isn’t because we don’t love them—it’s because somewhere inside, love has felt dangerous in our past. And instead of realizing our nervous system is protecting us, we think, “I’m bad for not feeling more connected.”

This week’s episode is about understanding those walls and learning how to build safe connections.

-The Connected Life, Episode 332: “Why You Push Love Away.”

Full episode link -
https://youtu.be/acIPcxf17ac

______________

13/05/2025

Disorganized attachment is like… “Come close. No wait, go away. But also—why aren’t you chasing me?” 😬

The more I’ve understood my story and how attachment works, the more compassion I’ve had for myself — and the more hope I’ve found that healing is possible.

This week on the podcast, the three of us — all with disorganized attachment — share what it feels like when love triggers fear, and the ways we’re learning to bring more safety to ourselves and our relationships.

-The Connected Life, Episode 332: “Why You Push Love Away.”

Full episode link -
https://youtu.be/acIPcxf17ac

_____________

13/05/2025

Disorganized attachment is like… “Come close. No wait, go away. But also—why aren’t you chasing me?” 😬

The more I’ve understood my story and how attachment works, the more compassion I’ve had for myself — and the more hope I’ve found that healing is possible.

This week on the podcast, the three of us — all with disorganized attachment — share what it feels like when love triggers fear, and the ways we’re learning to bring more safety to ourselves and our relationships.

-The Connected Life, Episode 332: “Why You Push Love Away.”

Full episode link -
https://youtu.be/acIPcxf17ac

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