The Connected Life

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The Connected Life The Connected Life is a podcast that is an honest exploration of the messiest issues that keep us disconnected from the world right in front of us.
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05/01/2026

*Before all the women-hating people come out of nowhere to attack me for taking ownership for this behavior, let me set this clip up.

Justin and I recently recorded a podcast episode where we each made a list—separately—of the ways we accidentally created issues in our relationship because we were dysregulated. When we got married 16 years ago, we didn't even know what "dysregulation" meant, and honestly, it wreaked havoc on us.

This episode dives into both of us owning up to the ways we affected each other. It's equal parts hilarious, honest, raw, and healing—honestly, one of my all-time favorite episodes.

Our podcast is a space where we get real about the struggles most of us face, hoping it gives others the courage to be open about theirs, too. The more we can own how we show up, the more we can grow and care better for each other.

For any of you who have been hurt by this behavior, I really am sorry that your sorry wasn't enough.

For us, learning to soothe our nervous systems changed everything in our relationship.

The Connected Life episode - 365

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04/01/2026

Nervous system energy is contagious. Ever walk into a room, feel the conversation drop, and just know something's off? Suddenly, you feel tense, maybe even wondering if they were talking about you—all without a single word being exchanged.

Our bodies are always broadcasting signals of safety or threat, and our nervous systems pick up on these cues automatically. I used to think that if I just did everything "right," I could avoid conflict, make everyone feel safe, and avoid any miscommunications. But the more I learn about how our nervous systems work beyond our conscious control, the more I see that's impossible.

If I'm tired, distracted, hungry, defensive, or self-protective, you're going to feel it, whether I mean for you to or not.

Accepting this has helped me let go of shame and communicate more openly, creating real safety with others. The more I can accept that my energy impacts people around me—intended or not—the easier it is to take responsibility for my presence and how it affects those I care about.

Justin and I recently recorded this episode where we each made a list—separately—of the ways we accidentally created issues in our relationship because we were dysregulated. When we got married 16 years ago, we didn't even know what "dysregulation" meant, and honestly, it wreaked havoc on us.

This episode dives into both of us owning up to the ways we affected each other. It's equal parts hilarious, honest, raw, and healing—honestly, one of my all-time favorite episodes.

For us, learning to soothe our nervous systems changed everything in our relationship.

The Connected Life episode - 365

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03/01/2026

Our brains are hardwired to scan for threats—it’s part of our survival instinct. But in relationships, especially during conflict, this instinct can complicate things fast. We pick up on every little shift: a change in tone, a subtle eye roll, body language that could mean frustration or distance. We notice it all, dissecting every word and gesture, sometimes without even realizing it.

For some, this hyper-awareness is front and center; for others, it’s more subconscious. Either way, our bodies react quickly to perceived threats to protect us. We can become defensive, shut down, angry, or try to appease others without even knowing.

Self-protection typically doesn’t feel warm and safe for the other person. So once they sense our energy, they naturally respond back with their own self-protection energy. Now, we both feel guarded and are not reacting out of our most authentic selves.

The faster we can soothe our own internal threat system, the faster we can interrupt this cycle. This week, Justin and I dive into a raw, funny, and healing conversation, validating all the ways we’ve affected each other in our relationship.

Understanding our nervous systems, finding safety within, and learning to self-soothe transformed our whole relationship.

The Connected Life episode - 365

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02/01/2026

Growing up, I rarely received apologies. It wasn’t just in my immediate family. It was normal in my extended family, friendships, and working environment.

Genuine apologies can be few and far between in many environments. In some people's eyes, an apology can feel like an admission of being a horrible person or completely wrong.

Extending an apology to Abi, especially when I was feeling hurt, felt incredibly difficult and almost condemning of myself.

Every time I mustered up the strength to give an apology, I faced a historic lifetime of not receiving them.

The swirl of feelings attached to apologizing often seemed to null and void the words coming out of my mouth.

Though extending hundreds of apologies was an enormous feat on my part, they rarely seemed to impact Abi.

We each played a part in that. While she had her own triggers around apologies from her childhood, I also delivered many of my apologies from a dysregulated state.

In that state, it was hard for her to feel the love, care, and genuineness that I had, which were buried beneath the swirl of emotions that were hijacking me at the moment.

Setting a standard of apologizing when we were regulated began to bring us a “felt” experience, where we began to feel the reality of each other’s apologies.

This radically changed the game of the repair process and has fostered so much more unity and love, especially in the aftermath of a conflict.

The Connected Life episode - 365

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01/01/2026

When our marriage hit the wall, counseling didn't give us the breakthrough I'd hoped for. Honestly, it left me feeling more frustrated than ever. It wasn't until we each went on our own personal journeys learning how to regulate our nervous systems—that things started to change. I had no idea that dysregulation was the real culprit.

If you'd asked me, I could've given a mile-long list of our 'issues,' but in reality, it all came down to being stuck in fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. All of my behavior that frustrated him? Dysregulation. And all the things he did that hurt me? Yep, same thing. We were just reacting from our bodies, not really seeing each other or connecting.

Learning how our nervous systems shape our reactions was eye-opening. By turning inward and understanding how to soothe our own bodies, we discovered what we each needed to feel safe—and ultimately became a source of safety for each other.

Our bodies and hearts are always speaking to us; learn to hear what yours is trying to say.

The Connected Life episode - 365

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31/12/2025

Kindness is a road paved with passivity…

Growing up, I was a gentle and loving kid known for my kindness.

Throughout my formative years my environment proved time and again that kindness led to being dominated and decimated.

Over time, I learned that if you want to be heard and if you want someone to stop hurting you, you had to aggressively hammer home your point in a way that lets them know you’re done with their crap.

It seemed to work well on construction sites, but strangely it didn’t translate into marriage...

In my childhood, I learned that kindness was a road paved with passivity.

I believed the lie that kindness was an act of passivity that left you being walked all over and worse off.

It was a lie rooted in survival. Not a truth foundational to thriving.

When my counselor challenged me to respond in kindness, I felt exposed.

I felt like I would be devoured by Abi’s messy behavior and live out the rest of my marriage being walked all over.

I believed a lot of lies about kindness.

One of those was that it meant being voiceless. However, in my lack of kindness and vulnerability, my voice already wasn’t being heard because I didn’t know how to use it.

Through embracing kindness, I also embraced vulnerably sharing my experience. That had a long-lasting impact on my relationship, and I continually felt more heard, understood, and respected.

In my kindness I didn’t become a doormat, but rather a safe place for Abi and I to have the most difficult, yet necessary discussions.

What I finally realized is that kindness is a proactive superpower that is vital to living a lifestyle of wholeness and connection.

Taking ownership for the way I behaved didn’t guarantee that Abi would change her behavior, but it did guarantee that I would become the best version of myself, and in doing so, I would also become the happiest version.

The Connected Life episode - 365

-Justin

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30/12/2025

Justin and I spent years in battles that escalated into pointless messes that got us nowhere. We were both convinced we were right. Even when we both had legitimate perspectives and could prove our point, we rarely walked away feeling better off.

It wasn’t until we started grasping an understanding of the nervous system that we were able to keep a level head in our disagreements consistently.

Understanding what it means to be regulated and how to regulate changed the game in our disagreements.

Now that we’re aware of and managing our nervous system much better, we’re much quicker to lean into compassion and empathy for each other’s experience.

This has led to way less time fighting and much more time feeling close and connected.

The Connected Life episode - 365
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29/12/2025

Every relationship has its turning points. This week, we’re sharing ours—the missteps, the wake-up calls, and what finally helped us find our way back to love

*Disclaimer: Even though we’re describing this in a common male/female dynamic, we know people of all genders can relate to both sides of this story.

Episode 364 – There’s Hope for Your Relationship.

28/12/2025

You will either set boundaries with your words or with your walls.

This week, we’re sharing our unfiltered story—the hard parts, the healing, and how we found our way back to each other.

Episode 364 – There’s Hope for Your Relationship

27/12/2025

Boundaries saved our marriage.

Not walls. Not ultimatums. Boundaries. The kind where you can say, “This doesn’t feel good,” or “I don’t want this,” without it turning into a war.

For years, we didn’t know how to do that. We were afraid of each other’s reactions, stuck in patterns where we either shut down or acted out—because when you don’t feel like you can say no, your body will find a way to say it for you.

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about how learning to set kind, honest boundaries changed everything in our marriage.

-The Connected Life episode 364 - There’s Hope for Your Relationship.

26/12/2025

If you grew up walking on eggshells, it makes sense that your brain learned to predict other people’s emotions before noticing your own.

This week on the podcast, we’re sharing the raw parts of our relationship story—the pain, the patterns, and the healing journey that helped us come back home to ourselves and each other.

Episode 364 – There’s Hope for Your Relationship.

25/12/2025

“Why didn’t you just leave?”

If you’ve never experienced grooming, control, or learned helplessness, that question might make sense. But for those who’ve lived it, it reveals a deep misunderstanding.

When you grow up believing that nothing you say or do can change the outcome—that your pain will be ignored, that standing up for yourself will only bring more harm—your body starts to shut down. You stop looking for exits because your nervous system has learned: there aren’t any.

In this week’s episode, Justin shares a powerful story about confronting spiritual abuse, the defeat he carried from childhood, and the moment he began to discover there were other options.

-The Connected Life episode 364 - There’s Hope for Your Relationship.

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