21/05/2025
On May 20, 1775, a bunch of guys in Charlotte, NC got together and got drunk. Really, really drunk. They drank, and they drank. The men got very stumbly, and very silly. They amused themselves by farting near candles, which they thought was really funny. Until they realized that their farts had blown out all of the candles, which meant that they could no longer see where the alcohol was. Plus, it was now pretty stinky in the room, so they did other things to amuse themselves. They joked about how backwards Gastonia was, compared to them. They crank-called people, asking people if that they had Prince Albert in a can. Granted, telephones and Prince Albert would not exit for another hundred years, but the men were all so drunk that they collectively imagined that they had invented the telephone, and kept crank-calling others.
Around four in the morning, they all realized that they had spent the night drinking, and that their wives were going to be really mad. In order to cover their night out, the men put together a story that they had been up all night drafting a letter to the King Of England, declaring themselves an independent state. They also decided to tell their wives that tavern owner James Jack had left on his horse with the document, as he had already left the party with a bad hangover, and was known to be really bad with directions when he was driving drunk. So by the time that James returned, the whole night would be forgotten. And all of the men stumbled home, and told their wives, children and grand-children that story. For the rest of their lives. The End.
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