Tangents Magazine

01/09/2025

Happy anniversary to us! Thirty years ago today, issue one of Tangents Magazine was unleashed on the Queen City, beginning an adventure that continues to this very day. We had hoped to surprise you with a 30th anniversary issue, but clouds got in our way. But stayed tuned. There are plans to share the magazine's archives with you in the future.

Until then, to all those that were a part of the Tangents story, or have followed our ramblings and musings for all these years, thank you. Our lives wouldn't have been the same without you. It's been a ride, and there's still more stories to tell.

Until the next missive, Tangents, forever.

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21/05/2025

On May 20, 1775, a bunch of guys in Charlotte, NC got together and got drunk. Really, really drunk. They drank, and they drank. The men got very stumbly, and very silly. They amused themselves by farting near candles, which they thought was really funny. Until they realized that their farts had blown out all of the candles, which meant that they could no longer see where the alcohol was. Plus, it was now pretty stinky in the room, so they did other things to amuse themselves. They joked about how backwards Gastonia was, compared to them. They crank-called people, asking people if that they had Prince Albert in a can. Granted, telephones and Prince Albert would not exit for another hundred years, but the men were all so drunk that they collectively imagined that they had invented the telephone, and kept crank-calling others.

Around four in the morning, they all realized that they had spent the night drinking, and that their wives were going to be really mad. In order to cover their night out, the men put together a story that they had been up all night drafting a letter to the King Of England, declaring themselves an independent state. They also decided to tell their wives that tavern owner James Jack had left on his horse with the document, as he had already left the party with a bad hangover, and was known to be really bad with directions when he was driving drunk. So by the time that James returned, the whole night would be forgotten. And all of the men stumbled home, and told their wives, children and grand-children that story. For the rest of their lives. The End.

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16/02/2024

Sooner or later, the young comedians become old and grumpy, and bicker about money.

Sooner or later, the Boys Of Summer cannot remember their golden years.

Whether you've been here for a moment, or forever, life passes too quickly. Live and enjoy every day as much as you can.

That is all.

05/02/2024

New hashtag?


Never voting for traitor Trump.

30/08/2022

Lindsay Graham promised today that any prosecution of Donald Trump will lead to a revolution in his pants. "I'll say this, if there is a prosecution of Donald Trump for mishandling classified information, there will be riots in my pants," said Graham. "I promise you that there are many out there that are willing to take to my pants over this. Most Republicans, including me, believe when it comes to Trump, there is no law. It's all about getting him," Graham said. "And if I can't have him, then the Democrats shouldn't get him, either." Graham also defended the hope that Trump will finally start to notice him, after six years of not taking his calls.

18/02/2022

If you see the McCartney Got Back tour promo, and always hear it as if it's being said by Sir Mix-A-Lot, take comfort. You're not the only one.

18/02/2022

In what scientists describe as a wacky pop culture accident, the head of 80s pop star Morrissey has been grafted onto the body of Kanye West. The resulting combination, which now wishes to be referred to as MorrissYe, has spent the last several days attempting to alienate the rest of their respective audiences. "One constantly blogs right-wing ideology, and the other tweets threats at every girl he's dated since the fourth grade, and whoever they ended up being much happier with" says social reporter Walter Winchell. "It's the most dangerous has-been I've ever seen."

06/01/2022

Events are planned across America today to mark the first anniversary of The New Confederacy, an idealogical event that many have already created an alternate reality of, and will continue to find ways to venerate and carry on fighting "the lost cause". In other news, Fox News reports that America's history can never repeat itself.

18/02/2021

Talk radio host Rush Limbaugh was quickly and quietly euthanized this afternoon, after former President Donald Trump lamented his death on Fox News. "Mr. Limbaugh died peacefully shortly before Mr. Trump's statement", said a spokesperson, 'surrounded by pillows, and several people that held him down until he stopped breathing." In accordance with Mr. Trump's wishes, Limbaugh's remains will be turned into an Easy button on Trump's desk, so that Mr. Limbaugh can continue to stay under Trump's thumb.

11/02/2021

Today, Bruce Springsteen announced at a press conference that even he has given up on New Jersey. "I'm a positive guy," said Springsteen. "I stayed true to this state when all of the factories were dying, when all the kids were racing in the streets, or going to the river to get unwanted marriages. And I still wrote about New Jersey. But I enjoy a drink at a state park just once at the end of freaking 2020, and I get arrested for drunken driving. I even created songs where the police let the crook go, to make it sound like state troopers are kind of good guys. But did they give me a break? Of course not. There's nothing but badlands here. What a deathtrap and su***de rap this place is."

When asked if he was now going to take back all of his songs about the Garden State, Springsteen sighed and said, "I should've gotten out when I was young."

25/01/2021

Reacting to his team's third straight loss, Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski ranted and raved at a group of widows and orphans. "How dare you ask me about what's next? You have no future! Why should I tell you what my plans are?" Coach K questioned a nearby group of midgets as to why they never be any taller. Duke fans were quick to defend Coach K, saying that every overpaid, overly entitled coach needs to blow off steam every once in a while. "This is how we treat all of our students," said a University spokesperson. "It builds character, and teaches you to duck when the coach starts reaching for a folding chair."

20/01/2021

Looking out over the White House for a final time as his helicopter flew away, President Donald Trump quietly began wondering to himself is he should all that money up front that Vladamir Putin promised him. "I mean, I've done nothing wrong. Everyone says that I did nothing wrong. But when Vlady promised me untold riches if he got me elected, I thought, "Hey, I'm a businessman. This is a good deal. I'll do whatever he tells me to do. Because Vlady is a businessman, too. I think."

Trump then reportedly stared wistfully at his phone. "I'm sure that he'll send me that money soon. I haven't heard from him since Election Day, and all of my calls, texts and TikTok messages have all bounced back, but I figured that maybe he got banned, too. And Christmastime is a busy time to send someone untold riches. I'm a businessman, so I know these things."

As of press time, Trump was calling Corn the turkey, whom he pardoned at Thanksgiving, for an emergency pardon. "I left my pardon at the White House, old buddy. Can I have yours?" Corn reportedly then replied. "No quid pro quo, comrade. Who's the turkey now?"