Poetry by Amanda Collado

12/02/2024

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18K likes, 119 comments. “ ”

12/02/2024

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11/02/2024

I have reached 200 followers! Thank you for your continued support. I could not have done it without each of you. 🙏🤗🎉

26/10/2023

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L.E. Bowman | Author of What I Learned From the Trees and The Evolution of a Girl.
Follow .e.bowman.poetry for more , , and on love, life, self-love, self-care, and mo

25/10/2023

You didn’t want me you needed me
08.02.2023

All I ever asked was for you to tell me you didn’t want me.
I begged for it like a dog wanting a treat, drooling at your feet
I needed it like I needed my next breath so I could breathe ,so I can move on freely.
I needed to hear it because some how I thought it would bring me closure
Somehow I thought this wouldn’t be my fault
That it’d be on you, but it always has that’s what I failed to realize
Somehow your actions always guided my reactions
Walking in doubt, walking on eggshells in my house
A house that was supposed to be a home
All it became home to was insecurities and doubt
I put water on fires you created and the ones I created you put gas to a burning flame and let them go enraged
All the ash and all the debris you’d leave me with to try to salvage and maneuver through
Id take what I could like the belief hope and trust over your manipulation condensending ways and lies
You didn’t want me you needed me.
You needed me to control
You needed me for your blame
You needed me to use as if I was left over s**t in the sink, washed down thru your disposal
And I spin and spin as you twist my thoughts, my words, my love, my body, my spirit, my very being to benefit you.
You’ve gained while I’ve just given relentlessly
Feeding a monster with a bottomless stomach that will never feel full.
I stayed not to change you but to try to help make you a better man and not even for selfish reasons of my own.
And see you do have your good, but the weight of your past and your history is to heavy for me to carry anymore.
I cannot be there for someone who constantly pushes me and then to only yank me back so violently.
For I am a better women for loving you
You brought joy love and peace scattered all in between and now I just need consistentcy.
My sanity, my self respect and my peace are slithers of what is left that need to be pieced back again because I have given to much access to a boy trying to be a man that said I wasn’t enough.

27/07/2023

I won
06/18/23

I won.
I won the heartbreak while you hit last place for not giving a f**k and being okay with things.
I won in loving to hard when you had it easy.
So many accomplishments in loving someone so much, to much to the point I forgot to love myself too.
Somewhere in there or at least in the in between.
I won in caring too much, while you cared just enough.
You cheated by having me believe some how deep deep deep down you felt what I felt about you for me.
I won the “I love you more” even though I was the only one competing.
I won in the I’d do anything and everything to make it work, all while you did nothing to stay in the race.
I got stuck in the end holding the trophy of love lost to a man that never truly loved me in the first place.

25/07/2023

25/06/2023

Bluebird
04.30.2020
Every time the blue jay comes it rains.
Debbie downer heart disarray.
Programmed to think blue is grey but if you look at the bluebird he’s happy to embark on his days.
Even if it rains, pours, or storms he continues along his way.
Resting in the comfort that the storm will fade and he will fly again in the suns rays.
So be like the blue bird knowing that things can change and that certain things are temporary.
Things just aren’t always what they seem.

25/06/2023

Thank you Darrae Norling ! Can’t wait to read and get inspired ❤️

21/06/2023

"What Happend"
By Amanda Collado
09.27.2011

What happened to the smiles we use to have, the ones that weren’t fake or forced?
I miss the times of just pure happiness rather than being depressed over situations that seem to have no solution or even purpose.
What happened to you, what happened to me, what happened to us?
We can be so close yet so far away, best friends then strangers.
I can feel like I know you so well but then again there are times I have absolutely no clue.
The things I do know like the way I feel and what I want from this, from us, it is solid fact; no questions need to be asked.
I love you, let’s start with that, baby there is no other place where my heart fits, you are where my hearts at.
I want a future with you; I want everything from the not so good moments to the great ones and little ones in between.
You’re the ONLY one that I truly care for, the only one who matters more than the rest.
Anybody and everybody is irrelevant, our relationship is about us.
I’d hate to leave knowing I gave up or didn’t give enough, I hate when I feel the need to just walk away, I hate that feeling more than anything.
Problems are never going to go completely way, there will always be something.
But that something shouldn’t take or strip what we got and turn what we have to nothing.
Baby we need to put faith where doubt is and put faith into each other and get back to where we first started.
I want to go back and I want to move forward, but we can’t move forward without each other.

18/06/2023

What happens when love isn’t enough
06.16.2023

What happens when love isn’t enough anymore
When the cup is full and overflowing but now you can’t pick it up without it spilling
To dump it out is foolish, what do you do then, refill it ?
What happens when love isn’t enough anymore when the cup is empty but there isn’t nothing left to pour
Do you fill it with something else or does it refill on its own but with poison
Do you even know what the cup holds?
What happens when love isn’t enough anymore
What if the cup is half full or is it half empty
What do you do?

16/06/2023

Late posting but one of my favorite places to write❤️

16/06/2023

I get
06.16.23

I get defensive.
I get hostile.
I lose myself in trying to prove myself to everyone but myself.
Get caught up in a moment of rage, say things I think but don’t mean.
What is wrong with me?
Why am I so tied up in this mental game?
Why do my thoughts race and when trying to catch em it’s like they speed up and I can’t even catch my breath to breathe.
Lost in my own world my own mind trying to figure it out what truly is right.
Not someone’s opinion, not someones thought or their aspirations.
I need my own insight, I need my own sight to see.
Been there done that I get it.
But people are different.
We all experience this thing called life and it’s up to us on how to live it.

14/06/2023

I am full of mistakes
06.14.2023

I am full of mistakes and some I’ve missed taking lessons from.
Been there, done that but then yet relive it until I eventually get it.
We continue to go through the same things until the lesson is learned.
It may not seem the same at first because it’ll show up in a different version or even in a desquise until we fight whatever battle we have with it.
Until we learn that it is not for us to keep forever but for only a moment in time.
It’s only when we lessen our grip of holding on, to just letting it go.
It’ll give give give and continue to show up, until you finally give it up and not let yourself be home for it anymore.
It can be very persistent but rest in knowing that time is the only consistent.
So with time reset yourself by setting it free and free yourself from the weight it places on your feet.
Each step forward at first will be the heaviest but keep walking and each step will get lighter and have a little more ease.
Guided steps are the best if you believe.

04/06/2023

I need peace of mind.
08.01.2019

I need peace of mind.
Like take a piece of time and allow me to indulge in my divine outrage.
Divide the hours by minutes, and minutes by seconds.
And then spilt those seconds into milliseconds.
Let me stamped like a centipede into my emotions of commotion to find me.
Create a safe haven for my words my thoughts and actions as this storms tries to pass over this human flesh spiritually and emotionally.
For every thunder is my heart pounding, every strike of lightning is reviving me, every glimpse of light is hope.
I need to find my rainbow alone.
I’m not looking for any pot of gold.
Just a silver lining in clouds of grey and that’ll be enough for me to know that I will be okay.

04/06/2023

I sit here in despair
Amanda Collado
05.28.2019

I sit here in despair.
I dwindle away as I wait to hear your voice.
I’m counting down the mins, the seconds of pure desperation just to have that vibration in my ear.
Every fiber, every part of my being is recollecting moments and memories.
Click click whether it be a real picture or a mental note snapped in a moment of pure bliss, I miss.
I miss you, I miss this.
I breathe deep as I try to fight tears for every mile that tears us apart.
Parting ways going back to lives that we try to fight or find some kind of confinement in being content with life.
Fighting wars and battles to just be apart, apart of each other’s being.
Apart of each other’s heart.
You have mine and no distance could reshape the design of any feeling I have developed along the way.
When you leave you take a piece of me.
You rip, you strip me down to nothing but raw bare ness.
I’m naked.
My heart, my being can’t take this.
My soul, my mind, my body fiends for your presence physically, mentally and emotionally.
I want you solely and slowly back in my life.
Distance is supposed to make the heart grow founder but mine needs reviving.
I’m dying without your touch, your look your peace.
You tell me to be careful what I wish for well baby I’m praying.
Hands and knees I surrender white flag and all
I love you and I want it all..

04/06/2023

Reaction
01.28.23
It’s like you want a reaction.
And every action has a reaction so be-careful looking for fireworks when in reality your deploying bombs in friendly territory.
Imploding and exploding grenades at a foundation built on concrete but it can still become weak and crack and brake.
Attention from all the wrong places when if you would just keep your head and eyes straight something worthwhile is clear view and not behind you.
It’s like your trying to unlay bricks to build a new place that you’ve already been.
Place yourself in my shoes but tread lightly though.
Try to run in my heels and you might just fall.
Tumble and fumble on your own words that you feel is the truth but it’s your version of truth.
It’s your built up idea of what you believe is right when in reality your just so “use to” not putting up the right fight and taking the easier ride.
My sneakers might give you more grip but they won’t fit.
Lose yourself in your comfort zone but end up in an end zone where the score doesn’t matter unless you switch teams.
And even if you do are you really still winning?
What validation do you need, do you need a crowd to cheer you on, one on one with the coach, advice from the water boy ?
What’s the goal cus to me looks like your trying to play for the opposing team.
Walk a mile in your shoes I don’t have to to know what team I’m on and where I belong.
And that my friend is what offends me.
Am I competing and if so why is this even a game ?

04/06/2023

What happens.
06.03.23

What happens when home doesn’t feel like home anymore?
When you walk into a place where all your belongings are but it’s like they are being stored.
They sit and wait, wait for a tomorrow where they belong.
You walk into something that is supposed to be your peace but your peace seems to be everywhere but these four walls.
If the wallpaper could talk the conversations would be empty
If the creaks in the floor supported you then why do they creak as if they are about to take you in to an abyss of solitude
Seep you into to there cervezas, consume you whole.
But yet you so desire to be taken into it for the sake of love or having faith.

03/06/2023

Faith is believing in advanced what would only make sense in reverse. -S.F.

12/06/2022

6/11/2022

War

War within yourself or war with the world?
Ultimately peace is what your wanting for.
Piece your mind back together and let down your guard because all of this is a facade.
Your amour is no longer needed even though you’ve been caught off guard.
Surrender, let go, white flag and all.
Raging war when these battles aren’t worth fighting for.
Treading lightly because you don’t want someone else to win and conquer what is quote on quote yours.
Territorial because this is what you’ve fought so hard for yet your fight is alone.
You keep score but your tally marks are creating scars.
You do it out of protection, recognition or just because it made sense too.
Sentenced yourself to a lifetime of competition that’ll never fully relinquish you.
Let go of losing because it isn’t the worst option or plan.
Failing to plan is your demise, choose your battles.
Choose your peace and you shall rise.