27/05/2023
IN HERE IS A RADIO PROGRAM NEVER HEARD ON THE RADIO. MAYBE YOU HEARD IT ON THE INTERNETS https://www.facebook.com/thebatguanosradioprogram/posts/pfbid02CpLjvNaQL7J24xu9xrvQiuTqc9dzAc2gqGz5XPoSGdXKt6WGZdA4hDvF1wE9s1Rxl
SICKOS! YES... HA HA HA... YES! World-renowned disk jockey Bat Guano's last broadcast was decades ago, through the failed medium of broadcast radio.
He recently sent a message saying "I GOT SONGS I WANT TO PLAY ON THE RADIO HOW DO I DO THAT WITHOUT RADIO" So, we administrators tending to his moribund online properties arranged to have these "songs" put into one large file, in an effort to appease him and to help provide meaning to his declining life. He also sent a text file, which we edited, as well as we could, into something coherent, a transcription of what you might hear if he was announcing this radio "set." Which he didn't bother to do, saying something about having no quality microphone or studio space in his shack in the woods.
This set of music, over two and a half hours, was clearly inspired by two things: 2020, with its viruses, paranoia and the disintegration of American society; and the ability to play filthy songs with swears since this is not overseen by the FCC or station/university management.
Here is the audio. Stream or download. (We should warn that many songs are NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR FAMILY LISTENING.) Bat Guano's NOT FOR BROADCAST:
http://swagradio.org/NOTFORBRAODCAST.mp3
The text file: BAT GUANO'S NOT FOR BROADCAST
1: Rudy Ray Moore, to set the mood.
2: STATION OF THE STARS!!
3: "Limbo Nova" by Untouchables, also setting the mood. HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?
4: "Comanche" by The Revels. One of the earliest "theme songs," back when the radio program was called "SwaG!" back when I felt that the "Gimp" scene in "Pulp Fiction" illustrated my experience in radio. Was I Marsellus Wallace? Was I Butch? Was I the Gimp?
5: Stanley Black and his Orchestra and Chorus with an exotic rendition of "Miserlou." This is where your radio host does his readback, introduces the next tunes, and further sets the mood of the broadcast.
6: A new discovery! From his easy-listening album, "Erotomania - Quintron at the Chamberlin," the amazing Quintron with "Firestorm." Dig the mellow sounds of the Chamberlin, some sort of creepy/smooth organ of days gone by. Oh, we have found many new and "new" things since being "on-the-air" that we wish to share. Maybe we'll do another of these "MP3 broadcasts" as long as we don't get sued. I don't need anymore goddamn legal problems that's for sure.
7: Kiki And Herb, "The Revolution Medley." This is one of the many songs in my collection that I've wished to play over the years, but could not because of the repeated use of "mo********er."
8: An old "New Wave" band with a song about feeling a new feeling. We've all felt new feelings this year, haven't we. Not all pleasant feelings, a mix of isolation and anger and fear with feelings of coziness and laziness and yay I have an excuse not to leave the house. It sounds like bells. I wish I could meet everyone meet them all over again bring them up to my room meet them all over again everyone's up in my room...
9: Unknown Mortal Orchestra, "Nerve Damage!" An old radio favorite that I can now play without hitting the button to prevent the word "f**k" from corrupting our nation's public airwaves. F**K! The cops must've took you down.
10: Chrome, "Eyes On Mars." Maybe now here in 2020 some of you understand Chrome, with their abrasive sounds of anxiety and paranoia. All you doom scrollers at 4 am know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
11: James Pants, "A Little Bit Closer." The edginess gets smoothed out, like a soft-rock hit in 1979 after having been beaten with a meat tenderizer until squished and bumpy.
12: A family song! Bring in everyone to sing along! Oscar Brand with a good old British folk sing-along, "The Finest Fu***ng Family."
13: Dogbowl, singing about I think South American countries descending into fascism. Hey, we can relate. Think of the romance in the air as fires burn and El Presidente declares himself the victor no matter what the ballot boxes say.
14: I don't give a f**k what y'all say, old-time jazz needs a little motherf**king Zutty Singleton in the mix! Zutty Singleton, "King Porter Stomp."
15: Minor Mishap Marching Band, "Bubamara." I don't think I got a chance to play this on the radio.
16: 2020 is the year when we found out two things about our old punk rock hero Johnny Rotten: That he became a MAGA Trumper, and that fleas bit him on the dick because he plays with squirrels. Here, Terry Edwards and The Scapegoats give a toe-tappin' jazz rendition of The S*x Pistols' anti-abortion anthem "Bodies."
17: OH I GOTTA PLAY THIS ONE WHEN IN THE RADIO STUDIO I WOULD PLAY THIS AFTER DRINKING ALL THE COFFEE AND BOUNCE AROUND GLORIOUSLY UNHINGED LIKE NO HINGES ON THIS DOOR Tav Falco and The Unapproachable Panther Burns, "The Young Psychotics." BEING A PSYCHOTIC'S A LOT OF WORK
18: King Khan and BBQ, "Shake Real Low." Remember when we had shows and these wacky Canadians came to play in Kalamazoo and made us all sweaty? Was that this century?
19: As a young disk jockey I apprenticed under Wolfman Jack at his Mexican radio station. I lost that gig when I got into a fist fight with a sleazy promoter/singer who'd come down from LA. Big damn phony in his mod haircut and fringed jacket. You could tell he was all plastic fantastic Republican even back then. And now, Sonny B. is dead and I get the last laugh HA HA HA
20: OH GOD THIS TUNE HITS ME AT THE BASE OF THE BRAINS. Jan Davis, "Time Funnel." Don't think I ever played this on the air.
21: A new discovery of an old tune, "Moonfire" by famed mid-late-'60s biker rock instrumentalists Davie Allen and The Arrows. Again, this is the part of the show after I've had a lot of coffee and just start pounding my hands on the equipment cabinets like a freaky beatnik on amphetamines playing the bongos.
22: Ty Segall, "My Sunshine." This new kid came on the scene not too long ago (relatively, like, I play crap from 1915 for f**k's sake) and I dug it.
23: Dan Melchior, "This is The Big One." Dan is from the British Islands, but has lived for a long time in the US South. This tune is from a few years ago, but it's about the cult of Boogaloo Bois who think they're about to fight for JESUSTRUMP. They get high on their own supply.
24: Here's a song that always tears the top of my skull off. WON'T SOMEBODY TOUCH ME... WE ARE THE UNDEFENDED... THERE'S A VIRUS COME TO TOWN... BZZZZ BZZZZ BZZ BZZ BZZZZZ
25: If you were a listener of many of Bat Guano's radio programs, then you know we really love the overly-dramatic kinda-cinematic brassy instrumentals. "Life in the Greenhouse Effect" by Steroid Maximus.
26: A good old favorite about being frustrated and pissed-off. The Evolution Control Committee, "I Want A Cookie." Do you ever feel angry? Are you paralyzed by your anger?
27: Mudhoney, "Touch me I'm sick." Maybe a little too obvious of a selection for this year. But, again, I don't have to worry about cutting out the word "f**k."
28: This song is about teenagers and Jesus. Quintron and Miss Pussycat, "Teenagers Don't Know S**t," from their brand new album "Goblin Alert!" Buy their record. You can google it.
29: I though I'd included my most-filthy song in my collection, but here's The Clovers with their party record, "Rotten Cocksuckers' Ball." Get the kids in the room for this one! Come on you poor-assed singers and you big-dick slingers!
30: Another oldie moldy that I just discovered that needs to be here, Teddy and Darrel with their big hit "Beast of Sunset Strip." This beast blew his cool!
31: Again maybe a little too on-the-nose but speaking of PUT THAT MASK UP OVER YOUR NOSE TOO YOU FILTHY VIRUS PIG The Cramps, "What's Behind the Mask."
32: We've played this over the air a few times to challenge ourselves. Once, I didn't hit the button at the right time to stop the "mo********er" from going over the air PLEASE DON'T TELL ON ME. Bob Log III, "RIVERSIDE."
33: Mack Banks' big hit from 1956 "Be-Boppin' Daddy." Onest I seen this old, old man playing solo cranked up guitar like he was from Mars and that was Mack Banks.
34: Trucker music for all you mothertruckers out there. Bobby Braddock, "Gear Bustin' Sort of a Feller."
35: "Were you born an as***le, or did you work at it your whole life?" One of those tunes you'd find on a truck-stop tape, would say "NOT FOR BROADCAST" and "ADULT LISTENING ONLY." And it would be just country songs about calling sh*tty as***les on the road as***les. I so wish I could find that "It's 40 below and I don't give a f**k got a heater in my truck and it's off to the Ro-Dee-Oh!" song but it's probably on a tape somewhere.
36: P. Promdan, "Keng Ma (Dog Races). A recording from Thailand. I think it's pretty self-explanatory why we included it here.
37: Ann Magnuson, "Full of F**k." Another tune I'd play on the air if it weren't for the jackbooted thugs at the FCC.
38: Frank. A song that goes out to all the faithful followers of our current president. BE A MO-RON AND KEEP YO POSITION
39: One that has that thing that makes me feel like I heard it sometime in 1970 while driving my convertible through a vast wasteland of America at sunrise after a debauchery but of course I didn't. It ain't even American. Jacques Barsamian, "Rockers en Liberté."
40: "You know, I listen to your show, it's not a critique, I just want to say...." "It's Not a Critique," from Negativland Presents "Thigmotactic."
41: "Hello, Ladies!" by Stereo Total. I'm not sure what this is about, but it's about ladies' toilet and just seems to go here as a transition into...
42: Otoboke Beaver, "datsu . hikage no onna." New thing that we'd be playing if on radio this year. Band of ladies from Japan. From "ITEKOMA HITS." Once again, innovative rock and roll is dead in the United States Of America. OUR ONCE GREAT NATION IS SHAMED
43: "All I Want Is Out Of Here," Daevid Allen. We will be able to get outside and maybe have a dance party eventually.
44: THE ANTHEM OF 2020! EVERYBODY SING ALONG: "What the F**k," Hooper Piccalero.
45: And here we have a New Wave Band singing about how it Takes a Worried Man to Sing a Worried Song. Again I don't have to cut the "F**K."
46: The Modern Lovers, "Pablo Picasso." After I'd conned my way back onto the air at the college radio station in the mid-'90s I played this song. And got a phone call from someone who was staff, telling me "I really dig your show but wouldn't want you to get kicked off the air for playing this." I told him that it was after midnight and in accordance with FCC regulations playing such a song is not fineable; it includes the word "as***le," but doesn't cross a line by being about actual body parts and doing things with those body parts, which the FCC would then consider "obscene." For example, "Pablo Picasso never got called an as***le" is okay, but "I'm gonna put my dick in your as***le," would probably be crossing the line anyway I didn't get kicked off the air.
47: This is what late night underground noncommercial radio is all about, murky tape-hiss-filled tunes that kinda sound like The Velvet Underground, but are actually 1980s recordings with VU drummer Moe Tucker and a couple guys from the Sun City Girls, Paris 1942, "Pontius Pilote."
48: Sun Ra Arkestra with another song I can't play on the radio for some reason, "Nuclear War." It's a mo********er, don' you know. They push that button, your ass got to go.
49: S**T. GODDAMN. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND JAM.
50: Oh, and there's this one. A good old song from when singers would sing about nice things, like love! The Blenders, "Don't F**k Around With Love."
51: Dumb Dora was so dumb....
52: Rudy Ray Moore with and appropriate closer.