31/07/2023
I am aware the image I give of when I achieve things like this can lead to criticism and misjudgement.
I can not say I am always aware just how quick Fibromyalgia can take me out....because that would be a lie. Even after 10 yrs I can still become nieve.
Friday night I gigged like it was the last gig I'd ever do. And I loved every second. Saturday I ached but I thought id escaped the after affects from fibro. I thought I was fit enough and learnt enough to outsmart fibro. But even after over 4 yrs gigging, 10 yrs learning fibro, it still wins, and still reminds me it can cripple me in one blow.
Sunday I had tinnitus, migraines, my skin felt severely burnt, every time even a single hair moved on my head it felt like it was being ripped out, my muscles felt like rock, blurry vision, not being able speak the words in my brain, the world was spinning, fatigue, numbness, every bone felt broke, I just wanted to scream uncontrollably. A stark reminder that no matter how hard I try I can not predict nor prevent when or just how hard fibro can disable me.
I used to care about the image I gave. I even stopped posting on here because I was accused of not suffering from fibro if I posted something I achieved. I felt bad I could achieve things snd others couldn't. But I've realised wether I state what it takes or not you will always get judged by someone.
Fibro will always be round the corner to remind me that it can always take me out should it wish to. But what's important is the fact that nothing in life should stop you finding a way to make your heart happy.
I will never stop gigging because of fibro, it doesnt take the love and passion away. Sure the unpredictability will always scare me, sure i will always ferl like an inconvenience to those i love whilst im suffering. And selfish for even taking those risks. Im human and there natural responses. But fibro won't stop what I would like to achieve in life. It may slow me down bug it won't stop me.
Only you know you. No judgement should ever stop you. There is no need to justify yourself. You don't have to tell everyone to gain there respect. It's not needed. The only respect you need is from yourself. You know you best and that's the only person you need to focus on. Be kinder to yourself. You were born to be awesome, not perfect. Remember that. You deserve it. ❤️
