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"This Earth would be much like our own, with the exception of men and woman from around the globe tuning in to watch the...
12/04/2021

"This Earth would be much like our own, with the exception of men and woman from around the globe tuning in to watch their favorite sports team suck farts out of their teammates' anuses."

Renown Theoretical Physicist, Nicholas Boynton Ph.D. released an extensive thesis paper last Thursday on the hypothetical existence of a parallel Earth. More specifically, a parallel…

"Mr. President is too much for me," Biden explains. "Phil is the name my mother gave me and it's the only one I've ever ...
09/04/2021

"Mr. President is too much for me," Biden explains. "Phil is the name my mother gave me and it's the only one I've ever used."

On January 20th, 2021, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. was sworn in as the 46th President of The United States of America. This title comes with…

"I don’t need expensive things. I just need Mark Zuckerberg to kill me.”
02/03/2021

"I don’t need expensive things. I just need Mark Zuckerberg to kill me.”

Eleven-year-old Nick Boynton has been battling cancer for over a year now and his doctors say the end is near. Boynton’s parents reached out to…

“Sometimes, I think it would be nice to be covered in one of those big, flashy news stories... But, honestly, it sounds ...
31/05/2020

“Sometimes, I think it would be nice to be covered in one of those big, flashy news stories... But, honestly, it sounds exhausting.”

Sargent Desmond Jones of the Detroit, MI, Police Department weighed in, earlier today, on his experience as an officer of color: “I’m just happy I…

"It can range from mild sarcastic comments to as far as death threats for users who are jacking off more than twice a da...
03/08/2019

"It can range from mild sarcastic comments to as far as death threats for users who are jacking off more than twice a day, multiple days in a row."

The newest Fitbit update that launched today has a new and exciting feature! Users with a model “Versa” or later will now be able to…

"We traveled to America’s best brothels and met the country’s best pimps in order to provide you the most accurate answe...
16/05/2019

"We traveled to America’s best brothels and met the country’s best pimps in order to provide you the most accurate answer possible."

It’s safe to say, it’s common knowledge that wh**es don’t actually make very much money per hour of labor. Most of a prostitute’s income actually…

"I know it sounds cruel, but this is the earth we’re talking about saving."
04/05/2019

"I know it sounds cruel, but this is the earth we’re talking about saving."

On average, a ten minute shower saves 16 gallons of water compared to a standard bath. Its a fact that not many deny. Showering saves…

"Plenty of other insults or derogatory terms were used in tandem, such as 'w***e' or simply 'bitch.' However, to much su...
04/05/2019

"Plenty of other insults or derogatory terms were used in tandem, such as 'w***e' or simply 'bitch.' However, to much surprise, the American population got much more creative with its insults."

A new survey shows that approximately 83% of Americans think that Mother Nature is a “big gay.” To clarify, this particular survey did not set…

"While many locals are sad to see the historical land mark go, they’re equally happy to have a Ho***rs within driving di...
24/04/2019

"While many locals are sad to see the historical land mark go, they’re equally happy to have a Ho***rs within driving distance of their home."

The famous Notre Dame de Paris, which was destroyed on April 15th, 2019 in a fire which burned for 15 hours, quickly amassed over a…

"Most of the time they don’t even answer. I don’t understand. Is it me? is it because my gamertag is KevinBaconsChode? W...
23/04/2019

"Most of the time they don’t even answer. I don’t understand. Is it me? is it because my gamertag is KevinBaconsChode? What could it be?”

As of 3 pm this afternoon, local man, Nick Boynton, age 22, is surprisingly still single, despite the past four grueling months spent messaging every…

"Apparently, a windmill spinning at full power blows air at approximately 40 knots which is powerful enough to move a 74...
15/04/2019

"Apparently, a windmill spinning at full power blows air at approximately 40 knots which is powerful enough to move a 747."

It’s a bad month for Windmills. On top of President Donald Trump’s claim that the clean energy leader is causing people cancer, new data has…

"As of right now, the screen play is sitting at about 36 hours and we have no plans to trim it down.”
12/04/2019

"As of right now, the screen play is sitting at about 36 hours and we have no plans to trim it down.”

Earlier today, Marvel Cinematic Universe Executive Producer, Kevin Feige, released a statement announcing that the next Avengers title after 2019’s “Endgame” will feature a 36…

"Earlier today, S.A.E. called a press conference with their heads hung in shame to announce the stereotype could not be ...
10/04/2019

"Earlier today, S.A.E. called a press conference with their heads hung in shame to announce the stereotype could not be proved false. In fact, in their efforts, they had proved it true."

Recent world censuses have come back to sadly prove an age-old stereotype. Despite making up only 13% of the population, Asian people do 50% of…

"Thirteen is a much greater number than five. It’s exactly eight numbers higher than five."
08/04/2019

"Thirteen is a much greater number than five. It’s exactly eight numbers higher than five."

Earlier today, President Donald Trump held a press conference at the White House to announce he was considering switching the nation to the metric system.…

“I don’t care if your ni***es are the size of a soft ball or the tip of a pen”
06/04/2019

“I don’t care if your ni***es are the size of a soft ball or the tip of a pen”

Local man, Nick Boynton, age 22, is something of a national hero. No matter how self-conscious you are about your b***s, whether you think they…

“We tested all kinds of situations whether it be friendly coworkers or mothers checking in on their children. All tests ...
05/04/2019

“We tested all kinds of situations whether it be friendly coworkers or mothers checking in on their children. All tests ended with both parties feeling awkward and uncomfortable.”

Scientists over at Oak Ridge National Laboratory have been hard at work trying to crack one of the Human Race’s biggest mysteries: what makes Facebook’s…

“After fans complained about The Force Awakens being unoriginal, we wanted to come up with the most original idea we cou...
05/04/2019

“After fans complained about The Force Awakens being unoriginal, we wanted to come up with the most original idea we could.”

Lucasfilm President, Kathleen Kennedy, confirmed earlier today during an interview that General Leia Organa-Solo, late Carrie Fisher’s beloved character in the Star Wars universe, will…

"PornHub released a statement today stating its website traffic has dropped below half its usual numbers."
04/04/2019

"PornHub released a statement today stating its website traffic has dropped below half its usual numbers."

Popular po*******hy website, PornHub, released a statement today stating its website traffic has dropped below half its usual numbers. They conducted a quick survey of…

"The rapper went on to depict how she used to drug men and behead them."
04/04/2019

"The rapper went on to depict how she used to drug men and behead them."

Fans Forgive Cardi B After Confessing To 5 Years Served With ISIS by Ron McLayPosted onApril 3, 2019April 4, 2019 Controversy with American rapper, Cardi B, strikes again, this time in a series of tweets where the rapper jokes about the five years she served with the Islamic State. The rapper went o...

04/04/2019

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