Sandra Lynn Sparks

22/07/2024

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22/07/2024

I am not a believer in being dictated to. I am a believer in democracy. And I have found true heroes. I wish that joy for everyone who can understand how precious that perception and position can be. And hope for it to happen, however they find it, for those who do not understand. Who are still looking for freedom in a minefield of false promises laid down by people who only want everything we have. Including the use of us as they want. Not our choice for ourselves.

21/07/2024

Dream I just awoke from: This was the complete dream: A vulture was on a tree. A bald eagle followed it onto the tree. But not to chase it away. It roosted beside the vulture. When both were gone, a massive, massive golden eagle arrived. We know what a bald eagle symbolizes for us. What does a golden eagle symbolize? I found they are both revered in this country.

"Both Bald and Golden Eagles (and their feathers) are highly revered and considered sacred within American Indian traditions, culture and religion. They are honored with great care and shown the deepest respect. They represent honesty, truth, majesty, strength, courage, wisdom, power and freedom."

What does a vulture symbolize? You would think something awful. But I know them well. This was one of my Cathars on the tree.

"Vultures are symbols of death, rebirth, purification, patience, protection, and new beginnings. Seeing a vulture is a sign to let go of the things that no longer serve you and embrace change. Vultures are considered a positive omen of new beginnings."

14/07/2024

There is no reason behind any bad act that is happening now. On any side. Stop the insanity. Take stock of what you want in this country. If it is not peace, it is wrong.

12/07/2024

My eyes have been out of commission due to infection for a few days. Finally have the meds that are clearing them up. The down time gave me the opportunity to listen more. The only work I could really do was scan pages of work from the past two decades and get them ready to turn into something new. When you can't do some things, move to others. Life keeps moving...

04/07/2024

On the Fourth of July I always watch the film of 1776, one of my all time favorite musicals. But not today. Not the whole thing. And not "Molasses to Rum to Slaves," by my beloved John Collum, which would have a whole new meaning. But this? Yes.

Ultra HD version here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLzkmYgLOxo720p version here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYDxyIzPe98From Wikipedia ( http://bit.l...

04/07/2024

The Fourth of July. This day is about how we became a Democratic Republic. Democratic Republic. People who have corrupted the meaning of the last word wants to destroy the first one.

Vote to stop them. Stop complaining about things that do not matter. I've had three men older than Joe Biden help save my life, and one was in a wheelchair when he did it. You can't tell a gift what to be, or how to come. Accept the gift. It comes with more gifts, right behind it, than you can imagine.

Dictatorship comes with none.

02/07/2024

So much is happening to send shocks through life, that I am focusing on things I can share every day. Things of peace and remembrance. Breathe. Stop. Look. Listen. - Sana

This starts now.

I am rather sick of changing media plans according to what shockwaves rumble through life now. I need something stable, and to give readers, viewers, and listeners something just as stable to rely on.

I have realized why memory essays are so popular now. And why scenes of beautiful places beat back bad views. When things are not going well, we want to revisit the known past in an uncertain present. It’s that, or start focusing too much on bitter things. Both take us away from practicing life in the present tense.

Well, we need to practice life within these present tensions, too. Staying aware, but not focusing on them. Normal life does not stop when chaos erupts, unless you are in the midst of the chaos. And even then, normal things need to happen.

I had a dream the other night in which my late mother and sister advised me to “Rise and sing.” Not teach, not preach - do my music, which is without words. And keep telling stories of the past. Stories like we shared, full of layers one might rarely remember to share with others.

An online friend, in a reading group that meets once a week, noted he has seen my pain. I want to stop sharing that pain so much. We have an overload of dark things going on now. I’ve shared my pain to explain how I got to where I am now. I went looking for more about the friend who saw the pain. He’s a remarkable man. He’s a musician and conductor whose life is full of his music. There’s no reason at all for my life not to be full of mine.

Or why my words shouldn’t be full of wonders instead of angst.

I don’t mean to avoid the problems. They happen right where I am. But none of you have the watch me bear down on the causes of a problem until the problem is solved. You have enough of that with your own problems.

I am going to post every day, without any agenda. I will just stop. Show you something to look at. And give you something to hear. If they make you think of something, it will be because of your thoughts, not mine.

There will come a time when this plan needs to change, as all plans do. But not for now. We need some quiet so all of us can sort things out.

This is going to be posted everywhere I publish. Let quiet things bloom awhile.

19/06/2024

There's promotion going around about a new film called "Life with Ghosts." The promo says "No one has proven" they exist. La. I have all the proof I need. Including that even the living can project ghosts. We may not be able to scientifically produce evidence that we see ghosts, but then we can't scientifically prove we have the bulk of the experiences we have every single day. Because they are not material, physical experiences. They do not sit still in time. Yet we have them.

From a living roommate who unphysically kept checking up on me, to my late mother coming to my door within two weeks after she died, and continuing to visit for a long time time after her death. To hearing from my eldest sister that my own ghost had run out into the street as she driving away, waving its arms, as I stood in my apartment wishing she had not gone - I know ghosts exist. I wish the film well. But I have had enough of ghosts. (Watch one show up now just for laughs).

BTW this cat, appropriately called Goblin in life, ended up being one of the ghosts. He had disappeared for a few days. Then one night, as was his habit, he turned on the above bed light by touching the automatic switch on the table. I was wide awake when it came on and said "Oh good! I thought you were playing hide and seek in the house!"

No meow. No sign of him. My door was closed.

I found his body the next day. Out in The Meadow, long dead.

The light would come on again. And he would pop the screen door with his claws, as was his long habit. Until he got used to his new existence, several months on.

18/06/2024

Someone bought me my first cup of coffee! It comes on a great morning, one of the best ever, and it's not even 7 am yet. I'm awake now...
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbuymeacoffee.com%2Fsanaspark5%2Fc%2F9960546&h=AT3rsJWRk-DbvERzpCaqRikg-6KDMBQhMULwlUT1lXK_cjbcwTMB8shioUl4sflz_kaZ4G38FVpKr6qZuNU5uABiyqrAHu66WSDzerPfFxO0q_4oarooacX71KuFD3podbnajhbXBbrFSpAlBA&s=1

Hello! I'm an Internet writer on Medium and Substack, and a singer who performs unusual music called freesong, one take, live. Raw video, so you know it's live! If you love my work, buy me a coffee!

17/06/2024

New week, new medical bills, time to double, triple, quadruple down on business. I get to record this week! And hopefully do some successful haggling with bill collectors. Life is many things now, but dull is not a part of any of it. Enjoy all you can...

13/06/2024

Today I received my 12th Boost on Medium in 10 months for the following story. I have a long way to go yet, but I am so grateful and amazed by the support I am receiving from my editors, subscribers, and the staff of Medium since I began writing for them. They have helped me find a focus for my writing, and hope for a future I thought impossible. I now write as Sana Sparks.

Passion is a purpose, and I have found a new one

05/06/2024

When you have a complicated creative life, it can take awhile to figure out how all the moving pieces work. Something just went "click" and a lot of things fell into place. Watch this space.

31/05/2024

I started drawing cartoons when I was two. My social studies teacher in high school, Mrs. Harris, allowed me to turn in political cartoons for the regular Friday class assignment "What I read in the news this week." As long as it was only once a month. And no one in class saw them but the two of us. Understandable. They were all political cartoons, which she kept.

I remember many, except the Lester Maddox ones because I had him and his bat ears DOWN. I wasn't mean. I would quote the articles I read for captions. I spent a lot of years drawing cartoons. But then I stopped drawing pretty much, after a jealous roommate stole and/or destroyed most of my sketch work in the late nineties, from the cartoons to portraits to nature and architectural drawings.

I realized a few weeks ago that if I were going to write my stories, instead of using photographs, I need to illustrate them. So I drew this, of me holding my two year old self between my knees, to see if I could do it.

Yep.

Next week I start publishing stories with cartoons and drawings that can tell the stories more clearly. Cartoons are their own language. Wish me luck. No matter what, the kid-me and I are going to have fun.

28/05/2024

New Digital photos from my secret garden in my Patreon Gallery! You'll find links to all my work on my profile page. Paying Members at Patreon can pick and choose from the gallery for free.

24/05/2024

Something fun was in my email this morning:

"Dear Medium reader,

The world's languages are filled with famously untranslatable words. Some, like mamihlapinatapai (Yahgan for "a look that without words is shared by two people who want to initiate something, but that neither will start"), ilunga (Tshiluba for "a person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time") or saudade (Portuguese for "nostalgic longing for a place, person, or object that you are glad to have encountered in the past but recognise you may never encounter again") regularly make it onto lists of elusive, impossible-to-translate words."

I would love to use the mami one but never will. However, I think we could all use a snappy "Ilunga!" Frequently, lately.

23/05/2024

This last week of May needs to be a cleaning time. This space feels so unhealing I keep getting pushed back too many steps. As I work on clearing things out so I can find all I need, more wonders appear. I'm now into recent years. This is from a month ago. I call it The Impermanent Garden. As soon as Patreon has fixed a technical problem with my shop, I will upload the image for sale.

21/05/2024

Healing is still underway and I am not getting back to work the way I need to. But I don't stop working. I know a change I will be making about my work by June 1st that readers have let me know is a good direction to go in. I have had a rough voice lately because it's the middle of my allergy season, so doing voice work is on hold. But - that means shifting to downsizing files, and doing fairly mindless work, so I can get ready for the next phase. I am discovering gems among the photos I did not realize I had. I am letting go of a ton of images that are not even pebbles. And I have yet to begin going through the music to cull the freesong files and give them good names according to the moods they represent. I want to be able to plan and produce work on a schedule. I am getting a lot of things done, and publishing several times a week. But video and sound are difficult as long as I have files stored in too many places. As for art? This poured paint experiment from six years ago just showed up. it's going to my store on Patreon now. It's called "Power." It's one of six digital images of pourings I am adding to my gallery.

Even when I feel tapped out I still have work to do. Someday the work will support me. It already sustains me.

15/05/2024

This is the first anniversary of the week I had to run away from "home." And I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. Which is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Originally published on Medium last week, it is now open to free subscribers on Substack. Because I want everyone to be able to read this story. I hope someday to make the whole experience into a book.

09/05/2024

My Medium avatar as I pass the 1k followers line. There's no guarantee this will not drop down a bit below 1K again. But it will come back up. Spammers get cleared off the list. It's nice to see the number at last. Apparently once a writer gets past this marker things get easier. Good. Work is also easier to do. I want to stop being so busy with work, and spend time with friends and life. And healing.

06/05/2024

Monday starts finding out how many things I have to do to change my health and situation, which is a lot. I will be spending more time on my My Chart website than anything! But it is good to know social care is also on My Chart now. Never had those options mentioned before last week.

I am already at the end of the time I have set for working on computer this morning - 30 minutes. Which right now feels too much. What to do about creating work? I have some ideas. I don't know if they'll work. But they caused to me to think of this work in progress note this morning. Woman at work, to stay a woman at work. We'll see what happens.

29/04/2024

Every month now starts as a new canvas. I am still dealing with old problems as I inch towards new ways. But I have reached a make or break point. I am fortunately ending April with a follow up appointment at an Urgent Care clinic that does understand Cellulitis. I was switched to an antibiotic for strep infection instead of the staph infection type. The first did slow the damage the ER doctor's misdiagnosis caused. But the condition flared up again last week. I still have discomfort but the pain has gone, and hopefully I am on my way to proper care.

May is the 9th month I've been home. I have been working too much for health, and too little for finance. Things must balance. I have seen clearly this year that to be a working writer, one now has to be a very good writer all the time. Books have become too expensive to buy to be just so-so reading. Being a hack is not my thing. Writing a book does not mean a book will sell. No amount of pushing a book will make it sell if it is not of interest or use to readers. And really good interesting books take years of practice to write.

There are a lot of short form writers now without a stable market. Much writing is done online. I have been told again and again I am up to that challenge, and I will keep going.

But I am more than just a writer. I am a voice. I have been moving towards writing and producing podcasts. I believe in teaching freesong. In teaching small zen. In telling stories. Because I think all three are both pleasures, and help, in life. So I will concentrate on those things for now. Just be a voice while I heal some more, and help others heal. With words and music.

The rest I need to do is constant adjustments to more simplicity. And living, instead of just survival. We'll see what May brings.

25/04/2024

What is this? Answer in comment below...

17/04/2024

The podcast is up. Come join the singing!

14/04/2024

Just Breathe and Sing, a podcast course about finding one's natural singing voice, begins April 17th. Here is an introduction to the course.

The opening clip from the first workshop at The Atlanta Soto Zen Center 3/22/2023

13/04/2024

It's time to make things easier all around. If you want to know what I am up to, use your favorite search engine. Search for Sana Sparks writer, music My poetry prose Shadow, with photography, is coming out on Medium next week.

10/04/2024

My publication platform, Medium, has achieved a million members. I am about to achieve a thousand followers sometime in the next month. Today, for the first time, I had a story boosted to top picks before it was published! It is my twelfth story added to top picks out of over one hundred written since I joined Medium nine months ago. That still just means a little extra money each month, but the amount of readers needed to make an income takes some time, and total consistency of work, to achieve. I publish every week. I am expanding my publishing every week. Someday, you will see a post from me that just says something like "Okay now!!!" And then I will settle down to just living instead of scrambling. So may it be.

I hope everyone is having a good week. And that those who are going through healing, are healing well.

May we all feel full of stars.

09/04/2024

Whenever I have a great day it is usually followed by a night of terrors. I'm used to it. It's the "Yeah that was great but you do understand your life is going to shambles, right?" reaction. By dawn I feel I have to fake confidence. I let myself go into despair in the privacy of my room. I finally make myself sit up on the side of my bed.

And my reality kicks in.

I do not have it in me, not to rise.

At least not yet.

Every day there is something that is not working, that must. I still keep going. Make new decisions. Publix is a grifter when it comes to deliveries. They only offer overpriced items for delivery! And on top the driver must be tipped, which I don't mind, except that the store also takes a sizeable cut just for having the items the driver is selecting and doing all the work to gather and deliver.

Kroger goes in the same direction but with less edible results. I stopped that idea in a hurry last fall.

I'm going to stick with Amazon Prime because it ends up being less expensive and covers more needs. Grocery stuff is limited, but the deals are better. And I don't have to pass a certain amount to get deals. I just combine the grocery needs with other ones. I don't do much about food now. I can't.

The Ursime ripoff is still dragging on. BUT they have finally stopped the "Oh we sent you a refund!" silliness and finally have it pending on my gift card account. But I know that's not receiving it. They also claimed they shipped one item they have refunded. Not a word. I'm not giving up about that. I may have fewer teeth now but I can still bite.

So - I am feeling better than I did in the dead of night. I know the pattern will repeat. But I have accepted that all things change. The only power we have is in being consistent in what we do with our lives. And I finally am getting there. I write and submit stories even during times like now when no one reads. The stories have been placed on the table for consumption. Somebody's going to try my cooking, sometime. I can't expect everything to be read. But I can make sure I write. And get the music done. And other things I can do with my limited time to work. Because no matter how I feel, I am determined to live until I die. I watched my mother stop living for thirty five years before she died. I'm not doing the same thing.

14/01/2023

A video from years past...

The poem is by Rainer Maria Rilke; the tune is a Scots Gaelic tune, Crodh Kintaile. Words and Celtic harp performed by me, and Irish flute by Kukyo Ongaku. T...