It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Our tale begins in two outlying lands, the far east tartan quilted isle of Caledonia where Haggis stains and vomit were framed like medals of honour and the western peninsular of the Cumbrian lowlands, where teenage pregnancies were more abundant than sale items at DFS. In these cities divided by distance two saviours were born. For many winters
the two grew unaware of the other’s existence yet their destinies intertwined like an escorts legs round a Middle Eastern business man’s face. Fate brought them while chance bound them, Twas when the last moon of summer met the first sun of autumn their paths crossed in the sub-cavernous decrepitude of Cayley block 14 an unholy union was made a kin to batman and robin, if robin had a uterus. After 18 long moons they were visited by the angel Gabriel, he spoke not of divine impregnation but of voicing a message through the medium of radio. This epiphany that their unquestionable gifts for witty and frivolous merriment could unite nations with laughter brought promise of lavish altruisms. People of all spectrums would unite to celebrate this broadcast; paedophiles hugging parents, bus drivers high fiving cyclists, Alan Carr and Gok Wan rejoicing with British nationalists, Cayley and Rutherford freshers walking hand in hand ...this was a brave new future. They knew what was asked of them seemed intangible but nonetheless Gabriel's words echoed in their head 'this task was appointed to you, and if you do not find a way... no one will'. This in mind and with the power to walk on water deemed by Loughborough studenthood they knew what they had to do. Armed with music tastes that can only be acquired by a slight breach in sanity they venture to entertain and delight the nation.
