Clophill Clippings

14/08/2024

Thinking of setting up a picnic bench on Mill Lane between the barriers. Nice quiet little spot.

25/07/2024

Hey nonny no folks! Not the best weather for the festivities but we can hear the sound of bells and the clack of sticks! It’s time to Morris!

24/07/2024

How exciting- it’s Letchworth Morris Men Eve everyone- see you all at the festivities tomorrow.

22/07/2024

Tonight on the folk channel “Yesteryore”. A budding musician wakes up to a world that has never heard of Fiddler’s Dram and there is no Morris dancing. Can he get “Day trip to Bangor” to No.1 in time for Letchworth Morris Men Day?

19/07/2024

Festive repeats of the season

19/07/2024

***deploy emergency Letchworth Morris Men Day build up***

19/07/2024

How remiss not to realise it is actually summer- and Letchworth Morris Men day is NEXT WEEK!!!

30/06/2024

Festus has got a new side hustle

22/06/2024

The Open Gardens committee have reluctantly decided to unbar Pamela Duff from taking part after last time she was caught wandering inside houses “looking for a glass of water”. Pamela made a promise to stay in the gardens this year (though she cannot commit to not peering in windows).
Enjoy the fun!!

24/05/2024

Now taking bets on which decade the bollard will be replaced, with an accumulator on whether any others will be knocked down in the meantime.

Don’t forget to collect your winnings if you guessed it right.

12/05/2024

Pamela Duff has just rung the news desk to say that she put ant powder down on her drive last night and woke this morning to find a dozen people at her door asking for the “amulet”.

11/05/2024

Onions? Beards and Dragons Society Runes?

11/05/2024

The Clippings will be at the fete today, so be on your best behaviour, we don’t want a repeat of last year when Colleen Allcars had too much Pimms and started singing “Clophill Uber Alles” whilst twirling around the Maypole.

11/05/2024

Quite frankly it’s a load of old borealis.

10/05/2024

We have it on good authority that there is going to be a Dry Robe™️ stall at tomorrow’s fete.

10/05/2024

After the BBC’s extensive coverage of the roundabout- comes a new 3 part Channel 5 drama about a plucky villager who defies “the man” with a plush toy.
To star Timothee Chalamet in the lead role or if he is busy Jason Watkins.

04/05/2024

For the bank holiday- a bit of fun. The Parish Council are running a “name the elephant” competition in the Methodist church. Entries close 5pm Monday.
Ladbrokes have 2:1 on Nadine.

02/05/2024

As the queue to vote for the Police and Crime Commissioner snakes down the High Street towards the old post office* we at the Clippings ask a burning question - what purpose do polling cards serve apart from wasting trees?
*it doesn’t really obviously

21/04/2024

Can’t stop thinking about the fact that the person who put this poster up will have broken the very rule the poster dictates to put it up and quite frankly the known Universe is unravelling at this point.

20/04/2024

Is it too early to be thinking about Letchworth Morris Men Day?

01/04/2024

The Council has listened!! Finally Central Bedfordshire Council have realised that nobody in Clophill wanted the roundabout works so they are going to put it all back exactly how it was.
Work starts tomorrow, Tuesday 2 April and will last approximately one year.

27/03/2024

Don’t forget to collect your winnings if you guessed it right.

23/03/2024

Forget the canoe folks - there’s a whole helicopter on The Causeway.

09/03/2024

The Let Bygones not be Bygones society are having an emergency meeting tonight as some members are distressed that now the metal bridge over the A507 has been cleaned it looks as new, like in the days when the society opposed it. Members are confused as to whether they should still support it or they should revert back to opposing it.
Bring your own refreshments.

08/03/2024

Exciting news!!!
Eagle eyed villagers will have spotted the poles going up for the new roundabout directions sign on Bedford Road. We are proud to announce that Clophill will be getting its own brown attraction signpost after weeks of campaigning by the Parish Council.
Here is an artists impression of what it will look like.

08/03/2024

The Clophill Tourist Board have voted to add the dead pheasant to the list of attractions in the village, alongside the canoe, the almost inaccessible Pond of Despair and the place we can’t mention anymore because someone lived there 30 years ago.
It is rumoured a viewing platform will be installed on the bridge over the A507 when it gets cleaned this weekend. Like all things in life (and the dead badger on Kiln Lane) it is not going to last for ever, so best to experience it while you can.

03/03/2024

The Dangerous Sports Club are considering reforming- so they can come to Clophill and touch the Co-op noticeboard repeatedly.

16/02/2024

Penguin Books are pleased to announce their latest new release “Allen Carr’s Easy Way to give up moaning about the roundabout”. This book is bound to transform lives as the Easyway method is adapted to this issue. Chapters include:
“Why moaning about the roundabout will not actually change the roundabout”
“Crossing the road safely is more fun than you think”
And the final chapter “It is time for you to have your last moan about the roundabout”
Comes with a 100% money back guarantee.

09/02/2024

The High Street again this morning*. Quick grab that canoe (it’s only around the corner)!

*don’t go down there looking for the belly dancers they forgot their wellies and went home.

The original title and theme sequence from Hawaii 5-0 (1968) starring Jack Lord.Watch episodes of Hawaii 5-0 (1968) weekdays at 1pm on CHCH TV.

02/02/2024

Residents of Pine View Park in Maulden are pleased that after 40 years* they are able to get to Clophill shops without needing a car. However, this does have its downsides. One resident, who asked not to be named, told the Clippings that they mentioned how happy they were in the Post Office and got called a “scab”.

*probably not literally as it’s an over 50s site.