24/05/2024
TIPS OF HOW TO SURVIVE IN NAIROBI CITY.
1. Don't go to downtown if you don't have to.
2. If you move into a new house, use two padlocks no matter how of good quality they are.
3. Ukitembea tao uskie mtu amesema "oya oya" don't turn, just move to the side.
4. When boarding a matatu, check the condition of your window...that's where your phone might exit from.
5. No one should pray for you on the streets regardless of your situation in life.
6. Chapati will always be 20 bob, smokie 30 bob, mayai 25 bob.
7. Afya Center, don't even stop to swallow your saliva, pita ukikimbia. Walk mercilessly, and if you have hips, use them to pave the way for yourself. Elbows pia ni weapons. Unapita ukienda bila kuangalia nyuma. If someone hits you as you walk along the streets, hit them back because no one apologizes for such mistakes in this ciry.
8. If you feel lost just go to Archives, you will pick your bearing from there.
9. In case someone drops anything in front of you, don't pick, run like your life depends on it. Hata ukiitwa siste siste, achana nayo.
10. Instead of going to kanjo washrooms, just get into Ushirika house, tell the guards you are going to office 24, it is actually a washroom labeled by mistake or if you are pressed, ingia Hilton, Stanley, Norwich union etc. Confidence is key here. Kuna free parking Serena...play like yourself though.
11. Wakati wa mvua usinyeshewe K**a mimea hapo kwa corridors, get in Supermarkets watch news from 85" Samsung Screen. Fanya window shopping hata k**a hununui kitu. Confidence ndio muhimu. Be smart nani.
12. Don't bargain on everything...the trick is, the quality will keep reducing as the price goes down.
13. Avoid eye contact na hawker especially ukiwa traffic jam. Otherwise you've already signed a purchase contract.
14. When tired under scorching sun in town, don't go to Archives or Hilton. Just go to KCB KENCOM, pick a bank ticket and sit there the whole day. You will have a great rest.
