20/05/2024
Yesterday, the father of our children, Michael, came over to see me and our son and daughter (17 and 22).
He's doing an in person therapy training and came to share about his experiences of that day.
He's always been deeply present and empathic, having been involved in the Mens' work movement in London in the 90s, for example.
But as he gets older, and in combination with the training he's now doing, his presence with feelings is even more profound, and I often have deep realisations and/or feel and express big feelings during our conversations.
In this conversation, we somehow got to him sharing about a message he received when we were contemplating separating many years ago.
It was similar to the clear messages we got one day, all those years ago, when we were walking along the beach, talking about whether we would separate, and there were three funerals taking place there! It was a very clear message!
Anyway, back to last night. He shared something that was new to me, which combined the exact balance of attention of expressing care for me and our children AND acknowledging the pain the separation caused us all.
And wow! I went straight into the depth of pain.
I started that deep deep crying where the feelings were coming clearly and freely up and out.
And, getting the deeper picture, of why that separation was so necessary for all of our journeys, I then moved seamlessly into loud laughter. That kind of laughter that comes from the solar plexus.
And then back to the deep crying.
And back to the laughter.
This continued, with Michael holding deep presence, and our son on the deck, calmly and nonchalantly witnessing.
It was profound.
It reminded me of the many times I'd been with my children when they were younger, and they too, had moved seamlessly between tears and laughter.
In Aware Parenting, crying and laughing are two of the key ways we heal from stress and trauma, as long as we experience the balance of attention between presence/safety in the present, while connecting with the feelings from the past.
I talk a lot about this with babies and children, but it's the same with teens and adults too.
After finishing the crying and laughter, for the rest of the evening, I felt this even deeper presence in myself and my body.
I went to bed early, and slept 'like a log'.
I felt called to share this story, because our own experiences of the deep relief that comes when someone is lovingly present with our crying and our laughter, and the incredible relaxation – and thus, restful sleep – that results is powerful information for us in terms of being with our children.
I saw it hundreds, in fact thousands of times with our children as babies and children.
When they had expressed their big feelings to us, whether as babies crying in our arms when all their needs were met, or as toddlers, raging with us right there with them, or as children, laughing and crying with our loving support, the deep presence, relaxation and restful sleep all clearly followed.
First hand experience is so vital to this work. Embodied knowing is such a gift.
Have you experienced this for yourself?
If you'd like my free PDF on Sound Sleep and Secure Attachment with Aware Parenting, comment "PDF" below!
Doors to the 2024 live round of my Sound Sleep and Secure Attachment with Aware Parenting Course open soon!
I'm editing my book with the same title, too!
I'm so willing for you to experience having your feelings lovingly heard, and feeling deeply relaxed and present as a result.
Big love to you
xoxo
