03/02/2023
I don't know where to start actually 💔... I can't move on from this and I believe it's because I never opened up about it and it kills me.
Years ago my mother left me and went to Durban for better opportunities leaving me at my father's side of the family. I believe I was just 4 years old when that happened. It was a big family full of cousins and few uncles. I alwu fail to remember when it all started but I know it never stopped until I was 8 years old and that's when she decided to take me with her. All I remember is every night before we will go to sleep atleast two of my cousin's would r**e me💔 it's kinda began to be a norm, it was so bad that at the age of 5 I went back to peeing at my bed and I don't understand why nobody noticed something was wrong because now I hear my mom talking about how I stopped peeing at myself at the age of 2 when I was a baby..
💔ðŸ˜I never had a chance to vent to anyone about this but it haunts me everyday now that I have a daughter and sometimes I just look at her and cry so hard that I don't want anything to happen to her.
💔💔With everything that was happening I didn't know anything about being a virgin until I was in high school and through out my teenage days I've always thought I was a virgin until I meet my first boyfriend and I thought he broke my virginity but that wasn't true 💔 he told me I wasn't a virgin when he found me and at that time I don't know why I didn't understand until I learnt more about how being a virgin should be or look like.. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜that's when all the memories came back but I still couldn't open up to anyone, not even him.
I have anger issues towards my mom for leaving me and never noticing that I wasn't ok💔..I cry myself to sleep every night and in every relationship I always have this at the back of my mind that the guy is just there to play with me because that's how it has always been from the start 💔... So I just push them away before they do💔💔
I'm broken and just wanna die sometimes 💔ðŸ˜
