Bethany Crouch

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16/06/2023

A recent inspired conversation closed with my friend Brook Larios saying to me:

"The art is in the process."

Yes, yes, it is.

And... I can choose to see myself, and each of us, as life's unique expressions of art... in process of becoming.

Every
Single
Moment

Just all of it.

Every perfectly messy stage is itself, art.

My life, my personal art installation.

I like this vantage point.

❤️

This week, I delighted in joining creatives Katie Knipp and Andrew Gayner for their art in process. I like to imagine that by the time Katie's fresh single and accompanying music video (in which I got to participate) get released, I will be celebrating big gains in my healing journey.

I believe! I trust! I know!

It feels tender to be captured on camera during this raw moment of becoming.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to play.

❤️

Thank you for the continued messages of solidarity and support. Thank you to those who are able to support my fundraising campaign (link in bio). If I haven't yet thanked you personally, please know, I intend to reach out!!

12/06/2023

Living my life like it's golden- Jill Scott
✨️ (Because it is!!!)

C A N C E R ... such a nasty word carrying the most heartbreaking implications and inspiring such fear, rage, and hatred. Understandably so.

I get it. I see this side. I do. Likely, all of us have been or will be impacted by cancer's reaches.

And... because it's here, and because it feels unsupportive for me to go to war with something happening within me, I choose a fresh lens for this situation with which I now roll. Because I must, for my own mental and emotional well-being, be positive and grateful.

I choose gratitude for what's happening inside me. I choose to harvest every every every nuggest of a gift from this experience. Extract the nectar!!

My perspective seems to be different than that of most. Hear me out... I LOVE what this diagnosis is doing for me.

Cancer ignited me. Cancer is the electric current sparking my being into life. Cancer is teaching me so much about living in this body, being human... forgiveness, love, compassion, grace, humility... tenderness. Cancer is inspiring all the necessary conversations because now is all there is. (AND let me be clear, I'm actively removing the cancer from my being because while I do appreciate its gifts, I prefer it exit, gracefully)

There's so much I can (and will!) share about this journey.

I have time.... I believe this. I know this in my heart, not because I'm clinging to and fighting for my life.. but because I'm genuinely loving my life, and I feel life loving me back in big big ways.

For now, I just say thank you for your messages, your love, your prayers, your kindness, and allllllll your good vibes. You seriously rock. Thank you to those who have had the ability to help me feel held through the gofundme effort. It's all goodness. Such goodness.

Inward and onward, we roll!

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(PS Foothill Skate Inn has an awesome summer skate pass deal! Thanks to my skate loving friend Tom for sponsoring mine and this video! ❤️ 🛼 )

31/05/2023

Something magic is unfolding.

In addition to the added benefit of taking myself, and life, so much less seriously...
..I'm discovering... cancer is a catalyst for connection through honest expression..

In the last week, as I've reentered the land of public engagement... I'm hearing from friends with whom I haven't had contact in decades, friends from high school, college, my Up With People castmates and host families, former coworkers and bosses, people whose business or creation or story I featured on the morning news, former loves with whom there's been heartache and estrangement, I'm hearing from people I love dearly and people I've just met, viewers from the TV news days, family members I haven't spoken to in years...

Yes, sure a "life threatening" diagnosis seems to carry a special urgency, and I'm happy for that, actually. Because, yes now is the time. While we're here.. while we're alive. Now is what we have. And I embrace the healing from all angles. I welcome the prayers, positivity and good vibes.. just all of it!

Thank you for walking with me and cheering me on. All support is welcome and felt. It all matters!! ❤️ For those who are contributing to the fundraising campaign, thank you for helping me cover the costs of my treatments. It feels good to allow myself to be held in this by you in all the various ways... and I know that's part of the medicine.

It's good.. really, really good.

May my healing
Be your healing
Be our healing

I love you.

28/05/2023

My face on YOUR LOVE!

I've had the biggest smile radiating all week as I read your words and slowly slowly respond to each of you. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your hearts, your sorrows, your joys, and your sameness. Thank you for encouraging me to keep sharing. I guess my story is giving to us both, I love that.

Increasingly, I am of the perspective that there is just One of us here, and we are only ever always just reflecting ourself back through the other.

Exploration into nonduality is giving me A LOT in this season of deepened presence and uncertainty as I embrace the concept of nonattachment ... to my body, my ideas, my things, my way, my relationships, my life. To anything. There is nothing of this world we keep. It all goes away. (Although... I can imagine the limitless love I perceive us to be, of which we arise and which return, forever endures ❤️)

In her work, teaches about the intrinsic human compulsion to seek for a sense of sure-footedness, certainty, groundedness... but becoming comfortable with the inevitable groundless nature of existence is one way we offer ourselves peace. I experience breathing into the pressing discomfort of not knowing as an act of compassionate self-love. I trust that I am held in Creator's Infinite Love, and beyond that, I'm on a need to know basis 😆

This life is a relentless training ground for non attachement practice.

Along the way, together, we walk.

Thank you Thank you Thank you
Thank you Thank you Thank you
Thank you Thank you Thank you
Thank you Thank you Thank you
for all the beautifully supportive, caring, loving messages of connection!

I feel you! ❤️ I love you!

24/05/2023

Regarding my angst and resistance to vulnerable public expression, my soul sister reflection inquires pointedly, "What's the worst that can happen? Is it worse than cancer?"

(Your candidness equally stuns and amuses me, , and I love you for pushing on me.)

What do I have to lose? What haults me from showing up? I was so public for two decades, and then so not for 5 years.

Ashley Taylor, another soul sister who has walked with me for half our lives, spins the query... asking, "What's the BEST that can happen?"

In that moment, it's clear: No matter how exposure is framed, fear paralyzes me.

Of what am I so afraid?

Death doesn't scare me. It's life... I'm afraid to let myself live. I'm afraid to participate in the game again. I've been believing a story that I don't know how to do it... as if it's possible to get it wrong... like I can fail at being alive. The truth is, I do feel like I failed at life. Starting over terrifies me.

Into the fear I must go.

Is resurfacing publicly worse than cancer? It may feel harder in this moment, but no, that's just the ego.

My doctor said to me yesterday... "Bethany, you're learning to be human."

And I know she's right.

I will be brave in the face of both cancer and life.

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