Scummy Mummies

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Scummy Mummies Scummy Mummies is the podcast for less-than-perfect parents.
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Comedians Helen Thorn and Ellie Gibson discuss a range of topics relevant to modern mums and dads, from culture and current affairs to farting and fish fingers.

Hey little Helen who used to do swimming comps as kid in country Australia. You grew up and did some more swimming nearl...
28/07/2024

Hey little Helen who used to do swimming comps as kid in country Australia. You grew up and did some more swimming nearly 40 years later and are still a big smiling happy dork. Today was really joyful doing my first triathlon - I did a super sprint which was 400m swim (mainly breaststroke with my head above the water), 10km ride and a 2.5km run. I loved that everyone was so friendly and cheered each other on. Such a challenge, but so lovely. I grew up in a tiny town called Kerang from ages 4-9 years and swum in lakes, rivers and my local pool and would do little swimming comps in my little yellow cap. Such happy memories of being in the water. Feel as proud today as I did back then. And I have a few more teeth now, too. Time for a burger and a nap. Lots of love ### big Helen xx

This di****ad is *attempting to do a triathlon tomorrow in the   - doing a Super Sprint which is 400m swim 10km ride and...
27/07/2024

This di****ad is *attempting to do a triathlon tomorrow in the - doing a Super Sprint which is 400m swim 10km ride and 2.5km run. Just twatting about in my wetsuit home alone and watching the olympics. My kids are away this week - so I probably should be drinking wine outta of box, and eating crisps in my pants, maybe I’ll do that tomorrow night! Anyway… I think you’ll find this is a pretty strong lewk for tomorrow morning. Stay sexy xx

This is my face and Summer lewk for the next 6-7 weeks. You’re welcome. GOOD LUCK, MOFOS. I can hear two different types...
25/07/2024

This is my face and Summer lewk for the next 6-7 weeks. You’re welcome. GOOD LUCK, MOFOS. I can hear two different types of YouTube right now and I have had 4 coffees.

Here’s all our new dates and venues!!!! See you all soon!! Tickets SCUMMYMUMMIES.COM
23/07/2024

Here’s all our new dates and venues!!!! See you all soon!! Tickets SCUMMYMUMMIES.COM

Although last week's photoshoot was mostly disastrous (see Highlights), we did manage to get a couple of decent shots. L...
23/07/2024

Although last week's photoshoot was mostly disastrous (see Highlights), we did manage to get a couple of decent shots. Like this one of Helen in one of our lovely hoodies - they are great quality, made from organic cotton with proper lined pocket etc. Get yours now from scummymummies.com, FREE POSTAGE! Gin model's own.

Sturminster Newton!!! This has just gone on sale!! We are coming for a big Mums’ Night Out on Saturday 21 September. Gat...
23/07/2024

Sturminster Newton!!! This has just gone on sale!! We are coming for a big Mums’ Night Out on Saturday 21 September. Gather your mates and come for a knees up!! Please tag and share ###x

Buy tickets online for Scummy Mummies at The Exchange in Dorset. North Dorset's #1 venue for theatre, comedy, music & more.

When you’re a single parent and you’re poorly!!it really fu***ng sucks. You just have to let everything go. I hope the u...
21/07/2024

When you’re a single parent and you’re poorly!!it really fu***ng sucks. You just have to let everything go. I hope the uniform is ok and that we have enough square ham for the sandwiches for tomorrow, and that the washing I have washed twice already doesn’t smell like an old dog. My kids brought me dinner which was brown toast with maple syrup on top, I mean, sort of like crunchy pancakes, which was actually quite yummy and plain. They are probably quite happy watching screens to be fair. It is one of the trickiest things to navigate when you’re a single parent, who cares for the carer? I am sure lots of you get it. Being the only adult in the house is mostly just a joy and although messy, there’s a sense of calm most of the time, too. Really looking forward to having a week away with my two soon and we just eat chips and hang by the beach. But for now, I would like to not feel spewy, thank you.

Look at us, wearing proper dresses like grown-up ladies! They're from the Juliet Sear collection  and we wore them to he...
19/07/2024

Look at us, wearing proper dresses like grown-up ladies! They're from the Juliet Sear collection and we wore them to her book launch last night. Swipe to see the amazing slippers we will be accessorising them with from now on. What a fab night and what a great book. Happy publication day ! Air Fryer Baking Magic is literally out now!

Poster ideas for 2025!! We are starting write an ALL NEW SHOW for the 2025/26 tour!! We need a new name and new catsuits...
18/07/2024

Poster ideas for 2025!! We are starting write an ALL NEW SHOW for the 2025/26 tour!! We need a new name and new catsuits a pics!! This drawing has been on my fridge for about 7 years and was done by my daughter after she saw us - yes a family friendly version!! I love this picture soooo much x glitter and smiles!! Anyway - me and Ellie are cracking on with a big brand new show to bring you all next year!! Can’t wait x

SCOTTISH TOUR!!!!!! We are taking all our best jokes, songs and catsuits to you in Autumn!!! It will be a big “Mums’ Nig...
17/07/2024

SCOTTISH TOUR!!!!!! We are taking all our best jokes, songs and catsuits to you in Autumn!!! It will be a big “Mums’ Night Out” with ya mates. We are going to….
EDINBURGH - September 30 .barrel.comedy
ABERDEEN - October 1

GLASGOW - October 2

DUNDEE - October 3

Please help us spread the word. If you know any mum groups in the area, please share it around!

This situation can just f**k the f**k off! Not today, thank you!
16/07/2024

This situation can just f**k the f**k off! Not today, thank you!

Here’s a blast from the past. Me holding a wriggling toddler who is holding an empty milk bottle, while cheering on a re...
15/07/2024

Here’s a blast from the past. Me holding a wriggling toddler who is holding an empty milk bottle, while cheering on a reluctant nursery kid, who did not want to participate in sports day AT ALL and stood still in a hula hoop. So, I went out and walked and cheered her to the finish line with her brother on my hip. Ohhh the things you did back then, wearing Converse Chuck Taylors and a jazzy scarf from Next to hide the stains and massive breastfeeding milk jugs. Bless. This morning, as I cheer my teenagers to get the Hell outta bed, it doesn’t feel too dissimilar really. COME ON, KIDS, YOU CAN DO IT!!!

THE. WORST. FEELING. When you’ve finally got through a really long Saturday of all of the jobs, washing, teen BS, cat ad...
13/07/2024

THE. WORST. FEELING. When you’ve finally got through a really long Saturday of all of the jobs, washing, teen BS, cat admin, mental loading, and just bland house twattery and you’re ready to collapse into bed, but then you’ve forgotten you stripped the bed eleventy hours ago because you were being efficient back then, but now you feel 98 years old. Happy Saturday, fellow tired mofos. Might just lay here and whimper a little. Anyone else being totally rock and roll on a Saturday?

NEW DATES AND CITIES! We have one more show this summer, in Sevenoaks on 19 July. Then in the autumn we’re coming to Bar...
12/07/2024

NEW DATES AND CITIES! We have one more show this summer, in Sevenoaks on 19 July. Then in the autumn we’re coming to Barnard Castle, Darlington, Sturminster Newton, Portsmouth, Guildford, Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Glasgow, Dundee, Hertford, Canterbury, Blackburn, Tenbury Wells, Newport, Norwich, East Grinstead, Harrogate, Newcastle... And then it’s our Christmas tour! Go to scummymummies.com for dates and tickets.

I'm fine! Just popped into hospital for a cheeky mammogram. I have what a doctor described as "dense young breasts" (mad...
11/07/2024

I'm fine! Just popped into hospital for a cheeky mammogram. I have what a doctor described as "dense young breasts" (made my day, let me tell you) so I'm prone to getting lumps. All clear. Feeling very grateful. Last week on one of our posts about the election, someone in the comments started talking about immigration and "native Brits". They declined to elaborate on what they meant by this term, but I think we can hazard a guess. Well, none of the doctors and nurses I met today would probably fit into their definition of "native Brits". But they were all brilliant, skilled and kind and literally saving lives, and I feel so lucky they're here. Shoutout to all the porters, cleaners and reception staff too. Right, I'm off to wipe the jelly off my t**s and have a cuppa. Cheers!

4 YEARS SINCE 5 FIREMAN REMOVED MY RING!!! On July 11 2020, Ellie, Nurse Jessie and I marched to the Deal fire station a...
11/07/2024

4 YEARS SINCE 5 FIREMAN REMOVED MY RING!!! On July 11 2020, Ellie, Nurse Jessie and I marched to the Deal fire station and encountered a very erotic scene. It was one of the best days of my life! I like to say one man put it on, but five hot firemen took it off! Highly recommend this. And, to anyone going through separation and divorce, I send all my love and strength and to all the friends and army of women who support you. Love you and Jessie xx couldn’t have survived this s**t show without your love, friendship, humour and fierceness!! ONWARDS!!!

Hello Darlington!!
08/07/2024

Hello Darlington!!

⭐ New! Hipp @ The Hullabaloo ⭐

The Scummy Mummies Show: Greatest Hits

Join Ellie and Helen as they celebrate ten years of scumminess! For a decade now, the Scummy Mummies have been touring their hit comedy show to sold-out audiences around the country. Now they’re bringing all their most-loved songs, sketches, and stand-up together for a night that will make you laugh till you wee.

💬 “Very funny” The Guardian

🟣 Wed 18 Sep 2024 🟣

🎫 Book now ⬇
https://www.darlingtonhippodrome.co.uk/whats-on/The-Scummy-Mummies-Show

Scummy Mummies

We can’t wait!!!
08/07/2024

We can’t wait!!!

Award-winning comedy duo Scummy Mummies are bringing their live show 'Greatest Hits' to Guildford this September!

They’re bringing all their most-loved songs, sketches, and stand-up together for a night that will make you laugh till you wee.

Book Now: https://www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/whats-on/scummy-mummies

Flashback to Thursday night!! When one of ya best mates comes to your show! What a joy to have  in the audience  on Thur...
07/07/2024

Flashback to Thursday night!! When one of ya best mates comes to your show! What a joy to have in the audience on Thursday night x It was such a great night - fab audience, amazing theatre, and big cheers!! We were just minutes away from finding out about the exit polls and also finding out we would spend the next 90 mins stuck in a car park surrounded by fire engines, police and ambulances, too. What a night!! And then we stayed up watching the results. We have one more gig on Friday July 19! Then a little break before our big tour in Autumn and winter!! Lots of love xx

VOTE! As a reminder to take your photo ID, here's my fu***ng awful passport picture, which will haunt your dreams. Pleas...
04/07/2024

VOTE! As a reminder to take your photo ID, here's my fu***ng awful passport picture, which will haunt your dreams. Please enjoy the serial killer / madam running a brothel in Hull vibes. Get down there mate. Change will only happen if we vote for it, and the Tories will only get f**ked if we f**k them. Happy polling day! X

THIS SATURDAY - BIRMINGHAM - 2pm  we will be interviewing the legendary MP  live on stage!! We will be talking to her ab...
03/07/2024

THIS SATURDAY - BIRMINGHAM - 2pm we will be interviewing the legendary MP live on stage!! We will be talking to her about her incredible career, motherhood, women’s rights and of course, the big event on this Thursday!! Join us for laughs and a brilliant chat! Can’t wait to see you all there! Tickets from

Postal voted!!! Took the teen out for the big event!! Get out on Thursday, people. Let’s vote these bastards out!!  **kt...
02/07/2024

Postal voted!!! Took the teen out for the big event!! Get out on Thursday, people. Let’s vote these bastards out!! **kthetories

Just did a clear out of clothes and toys for the charity shop. Just as a guess, how long will this sit here until it ACT...
02/07/2024

Just did a clear out of clothes and toys for the charity shop. Just as a guess, how long will this sit here until it ACTUALLY goes to the charity shop? 5-7 days? Weeks? Months? Years? X

This is going to be so much fun!!! Come along Birmingham!!
02/07/2024

This is going to be so much fun!!! Come along Birmingham!!

Just hanging in casual clothes. Sometimes we dress the same. Sometimes, one of us dresses like they are auditioning for ...
29/06/2024

Just hanging in casual clothes. Sometimes we dress the same. Sometimes, one of us dresses like they are auditioning for Stranger Things and the other is a proper grown up. But, we are always dicks. Happy Saturday, people! Xx Helen and Ellie xx

LIVE PODCAST with  in Birmingham - Saturday 6 July, 2pm ! We are so excited to be recording a live podcast with this leg...
28/06/2024

LIVE PODCAST with in Birmingham - Saturday 6 July, 2pm ! We are so excited to be recording a live podcast with this legendary woman and MP - and just two days after the election. Tickets are selling fast so grab yours from www.macbirmingham.co.uk

I am this old now. Walked around the shops and didn’t take my helmet off. I wasn’t with my teens so they couldn’t compla...
24/06/2024

I am this old now. Walked around the shops and didn’t take my helmet off. I wasn’t with my teens so they couldn’t complain. I remember my dad doing this and being MORTIFIED!!!! Sooooo embarrassing. Now, I have unlocked this new level of dorkiness in parenting and I am going with it. Also - I have put my own spin on it - as I pretty sure Dad didn’t go into Superdrugs and buy ni****ne gum - 😂😂😂 it’s a modern twist, really. But he did buy a lot of Rennie - same same. Anyone becoming their parents?


SCUMMY TOUR DATES!!!! More 2024 dates being added soon!!! Grab your tickets before we sell out! SCUMMYMUMMIES.com
24/06/2024

SCUMMY TOUR DATES!!!! More 2024 dates being added soon!!! Grab your tickets before we sell out! SCUMMYMUMMIES.com

Hey! The awesome  are bringing their hilarious comedy show back to London next week! 25-29 June at the Leicester Square ...
21/06/2024

Hey! The awesome are bringing their hilarious comedy show back to London next week! 25-29 June at the Leicester Square Theatre. And you can grab a ticket for just £12 with the code SCUMMY12. Go go go - we've seen the show and it's brilliant. These birds are hilarious and they can actually sing! Can you imagine. You will have the Time of Your Life, friends. Go! X

Please respect our family's right to live a normal life. Here's us defending ourselves from paparazzi at the Italian emb...
21/06/2024

Please respect our family's right to live a normal life. Here's us defending ourselves from paparazzi at the Italian embassy the other night, where we popped in for a light four course dinner, as guests of the amazing . Yes we are available for modelling work

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