The Black and Blue Jay

17/05/2022

Don't forget to (chin)strap in.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/05/17/what-your-facial-hair-says-about-you/

19/04/2022

"Give me your sleep deprived, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe w**d"

- Emma Lazarus, probably

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/04/18/ten-ways-to-terrorize-campus-tour-groups/

We’ve all seen them — huddled masses of accepted students and their disappointed parents in campus tour groups. A secret society of admitted student sympathizers called the Blue Key Society leads t…

14/04/2022

We have never clickbaited you, and we won't start today.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/04/14/registrars-hate-this-one-simple-course-registration-trick-not-clickbait/

Hopkins students only pray on two occasions: Fall and Spring course registration. When SIS freezes right after they hit “Register,” Hopkins students everywhere let out a nervous little squeal. To a…

09/04/2022

We are bird.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/04/09/birds-arent-real-triggers-identity-crisis-in-blue-jays/

We thought we had fought off those PETA goons with our anti-owl article, but at their most recent protest, a strange new sign made an appearance. The sign read simply “Birds Aren’t Real.” What does…

01/04/2022

We know when we're beat. From now on, we'll let JHU News-Letter take over making Hopkins laugh.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/04/01/black-and-blue-jay-to-report-real-news-while-newsletter-tries-our-job/

If you haven’t read the Newsletter’s April Fools’ issue, get over to their website and read it now.  With headlines like “Fruit Ninja Coming to COVID-19 Test Check-in Stations” and “Peabody Fi…

28/03/2022

They're an inspiration to us all.
https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/03/28/inspiring-college-republicans-a-model-minority/

Are you a minority? Are you afraid to be yourself among your peers? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. You have something in common with JHU College Republicans. The Black and Blue Jay hereby christens…

26/02/2022

We are fully prepared for a legal battle with PETA.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/02/26/the-peta-owls-do-not-deserve-your-pity/

Much like the average Hopkins student, barn owls are trapped in campus buildings, yearning for death and wishing they were at a state school instead. But unlike the average pre-med, these owls are …

18/02/2022

The tests of the Homewood alarm system are one of the few campus traditions we have left. The Black and Blue Jay gathered an audio sample in case you missed it.

https://soundcloud.com/thebnbjhour/jhu-alarm-beat?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Listen to JHU ALARM BEAT by The BnBJ Hour on

17/02/2022

The swim team is no stranger to swapping spittle. But we're afraid things have gone too far.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/02/17/drooling-over-swim-coachs-sweet-cheeks-leads-to-sickening-discovery/

Have you ever wondered where your drool goes after you take a COVID test? Or where they got all that ice for the ice rink? The answer may be closer to you than you think, especially if you like to …

15/02/2022

You can run, but you can't hide.
https://theblackandbluejay.com/2022/02/15/the-best-spots-to-unleash-a-mounting-colonic-cloud/

You’re sitting in lecture and feel a vibration simmering deep within. Are your insides telling you to procreate? Doubtful — everyone nearby looks like a World-of-Warcraft player. Are you famished? …

11/02/2022

We put our finest minds to the task of creating pickup lines that'll keep this Valentine's Day from being just another Meatless Monday. Study them carefully and reap the rewards.

23/12/2021

There are only so many hours in the day, and only so many brilliant, well-adjusted, firm-assed writers on the Black and Blue Jay’s staff. Here’s what didn’t quite make the cut this semester:

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/12/22/fall-semester-rejected-headlines/

There are only so many hours in the day, and only so many brilliant, well-adjusted, firm-assed writers on the Black and Blue Jay’s staff. Here’s what didn’t quite make the cut this semester: SGA Pr…

19/11/2021

This Thanksgiving break, the CharMar preacher will "eat the body and blood of Chris.” We really hope he meant Christ.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/11/19/thanksgiving-traditions-that-butter-our-biscuits/

As we count down the hours until we can be free of Homewood campus, our crew interviewed whoever agreed to share their plans for this upcoming Thanksgiving Fall break. Monica, 19, pre-med:  Mo…

12/11/2021

Add these new courses to your cart this week, and you probably won't regret it.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/11/12/secret-classes-the-registrar-doesnt-want-you-to-know-about-not-clickbait/

Course registration is around the corner, and the registrar has released some new classes that you’re sure to find (intellectually) stimulating. Here are our favorite picks. Mansplaining for Alpha …

22/10/2021

"You must be so thirsty without me"

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/10/22/dirty-amr-2-mug-down-horrendously-bad/

20/10/2021

U.S. News reports JHU is #1 in bragging about being #1 in Public Health

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/10/19/reasons-why-jhu-is-ranked-9/

Last month, the U.S. News & World Report published its favorite colleges in the country. We finally broke into the single digits, but struck a tie with Duke, Northwestern, and John Hopkin Colle…

25/09/2021

We don't know if our mascot is a human, a bird, or maybe a little bit of both. We still love him though.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/09/25/blue-jay-mascot-lays-egg-sounds-painful/

The autumn equinox passed this week. In the gazebo across from the UTL, at 1 AM, our reporter heard a strange squawking on her way home. With ruffled feathers perched on his brow, Jay the Blue Jay …

18/09/2021

Urine for a surprise.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/09/18/an-insiders-guide-to-the-first-annual-amr-piss-day/

On September 19th at exactly 9:27pm EDT, urine for a surprise: the windows of the AMRs will shower those below in urine. We talked with an anonymous insider to get the exclusive scoop on how to pre…

16/09/2021

Keep your friends close and your cars closer.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/09/15/carjackers-sick-of-all-the-negative-press/

For nearly two weeks, the teenage carjackers of Charles Village were on hiatus. Last night, they struck again. The Black and Blue Jay’s investigative journalists hit the streets to find the carjac…

14/09/2021

We know it's not your fault that the FFC chairs are always so close together.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/09/13/ghosts-the-best-explanation-for-students-sitting-next-to-each-other-in-the-ffc/

Last week, the University sent out an email regarding COVID guideline violations in the Fresh Food Cafe, scolding students for moving chairs around and crowding them around tables. However, the stu…

12/05/2021

Wipe your finals tears and get the hell out.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/05/12/what-youll-get-if-you-dont-move-out-24-hours-after-your-last-final/

An automated email from Res Life telling you to beat it, and not your meat Pictures of your family having a great time without you  Student Health & Wellness will take back your vaccine&nb…

22/04/2021

If course registration didn't go your way, this might be why.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/04/21/cs-student-running-sis-doesnt-want-to-do-this-anymore/

Do you ever wonder why SIS sucks copious ass? The CS student in charge of running the student portal during course registration recently came forward because he simply can’t take it anymore. This i…

15/04/2021

We know it's a hard choice to make, so we decided to write a piece that would persuade you.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/04/15/class-of-2025-why-you-should-choose-hopkins-over-harvard/

You didn’t get into Harvard.

03/04/2021

If Commons burned down, at least the food at Nolan's would be properly cooked.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/04/02/socially-distanced-fire-drill-went-about-as-well-as-expected/

Our field reporter, a freshman living in Commons, detailed the events of an unannounced fire drill that left its residents on the street this Tuesday. (We pay him in gen-chem backtests and dinner s…

29/03/2021

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/03/28/i-lived-it-finding-love-at-the-rec-center/

The rec center is finally open again, which means I can get back to being the meaty, supple stallion I was before quarantine.  On my first day back, I walked over to my spot, and that’s when I…

23/03/2021

From the Black and Blue Jay archives — a glimpse of what Spring Break used to be.

https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/03/22/from-the-archives-johns-hopkins-freshman-excited-to-go-home-for-spring-break/

For weeks now, Johns Hopkins freshman Tim Mowery has been visibly excited, both on his face and in his pants, for spring break – his chance after a grueling seven weeks to go back home. Mowery say…

21/03/2021

My immune system is better than yours.
https://theblackandbluejay.com/2021/03/20/yes-the-covid-vaccine-is-vegan/

As the U.S. surpassed 100 million vaccinations this week, we figured at least five of them would be Hopkins students. So we hit the streets to ask Blue Jays for their thoughts on the vaccine rollou…