21/04/2024
15 thousand. 15 thousand is the number of Cokes I’ve drank, or is it drunk, or maybe I drunked them. Oh, what about this? I drinked them? English is hard. Anyway, 15 thousand Cokes is what I estimate I’ve consumed in just the last 20 years of my life. And 15K is on the low end of my speculation. I calculated that I had 2 Cokes per day… but, the truth is, I can easily recall days where I had more, maybe twice as much, or three times as much (like at the Circus, or the state fair, or any Thursday. Or Tuesday), and I can hardly think of a day that has passed where I haven’t had an icy cold Coke.
From the glass bottle is best. From the can is the worst.
If the glass bottle is from Mexico, then THIS is the best Coke. Coke from Mexico is made with real sugar. Coke from the US is made with corn syrup because it’s cheaper than sugar thanks to government corn subsidies. Real sugar tastes better than corn syrup. There, I said it.
Coke has been the longest and best relationship of my life. Over the course of 50 years, Coke has NEVER disappointed me, even when it was warm. OK. I’ll admit, warm Coke is not good. That said, Coke is ubiquitous. Coke has always been within arms reach wherever I’ve been on the globe. An icy cold Coke has never failed to refresh me. I’m not embarrassed to say this: I love Coke. Plus, Coke never alienated me from my kids. So, there’s that.
When I was young, I just liked Coke’s taste.
There’s something magical that happens when the Coke syrup marries the CO2 in the carbonated water. It’s an alchemy that REALLY results in gold.
As I got into my college years, I discovered that the sugar and caffeine rather than winding me up, as we expect a high concentrate of sugar to do, Coke helped me focus. It calmed my mind. It slowed me down. It took the autobahn of voluminous chatter, the cacophony of speeding disparate ideas, thoughts, radio static, wiz-bangs and neural connections that my brain created, and slowed them down, making them more manageable and easier to retain. So, after a Coke, instead of 100 miles per hour on a German thoroughfare, my thoughts travel at a speed closer to what traffic’s like in the Sepulveda Pass on the 405 south Friday afternoon at 3pm.
Some people drink coffee in the morning. That caffeine wasn’t for me. Back when I was a kid, I thought coffee breath was disgusting. And now 45+ years later? I also think coffee breath is disgusting. I do not find coffee refreshing. Say what you will, but an icy cold Coke is the most refreshing thing god has ever created. And, if you were honest, you’d admit it, too. By the way, wine is not refreshing either. Or even good. Wine is gross. I shouldn’t have to get used to a bad taste before I start to enjoy it. Don’t @ me in the comments (as if anyone is really reading this).
I love the sound – clink – that ice makes when you drop it into a tall glass.
I love the sound – hisss -- the bubbles make as they escape their weakly held sugary concentrate when poured over ice.
Ok, so you’re probably asking yourself this, “Jon, why the big Coke wind up?”
Last Monday, I gave it up. I stopped drinking Coke.
I felt like I needed to drop some weight.
A week later, I’m down 4 pounds.
Days three, four and five of no Coke were awful. I’m not kidding. Just awful.
At the end of the 5th day, the lethargy and dark clouds had become profound-adjacent… So, I stopped at McDonalds and bought a small Coke. I peeled the paper wrapper off the straw and stabbed the cup with the skill of a doctor preparing an IV. I sat alone in the McDonalds parking lot. I puckered my lips and sucked. Drank just half. Almost instantly I felt rejuvenated, like someone was filling my soul with sweetly carbonated caramel colored liquid sunshine. The dark skies parted. The melancholy lifted.
By the time I drove the 11 miles home, the dark clouds returned.
I’ll see how it goes this week.
