Carolyn Hax, Advice Columnist

21/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: I trick-or-treated every year and look forward to handing out candy to little neighbor kids. My husband embraced Halloween like no other because his mother forbade him and his siblings from celebrating it. He is the kid who couldn’t participate in classroom Halloween parties, wear a costume or trick-or-treat. His mother is deeply spiritual and believes Halloween brings out the devil.

Imagine my surprise when my husband says he doesn’t think it is okay for me to dress our soon-to-be 1-year-old (a week before Halloween) in a cute little hand-me-down lion costume. He says he thinks it will so profoundly upset his mom that she seriously could have a heart attack because she is very afraid of the devil.

He’s walked it back a bit — asking me not to share pics on the family chat and to avoid the topic with his mother. I’ve asked him what happens when our kid is a preschooler and talking about costumes and trick-or-treating? Are we going to ask him to lie? Or is the plan to forbid him?

I don’t want to be disrespectful of my mother-in-law’s beliefs or be rude to her in general, but this is not my belief system or my husband’s. I feel like I’m unfairly in the middle.

— No Happy Halloween

His mother believes Halloween “brings out the devil,” so husband wants to keep their baby’s lion costume a secret.

19/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: I got engaged recently and got a moissanite ring, and I love it. The same ring that would have cost $20,000 as a diamond was about $2,000, with only the tiniest difference on the hardness scale and in light refraction — which makes absolutely no difference to me. People compliment me on it all the time, and I’ve always been honest that it’s not a diamond.

Next month, I’ll be meeting my future in-laws for the first time, and my fiancé said he’s going to tell them my ring is a diamond. This bothers me. First, it’s going to look to his family like he went into major debt to buy me a ring, like I wouldn’t be happy with anything less. Second, it was my idea to get moissanite, so it’s like saying that was a bad idea.

I told my fiancé we could instead not say anything; who would be rude enough to come right out and ask? But he says they will ask about both the stone and the price, and it will make his life so much easier just to lie. He says his family is really shallow, and we’ll never hear the end of it if we admit he didn’t get me a precious stone.

I hate starting off our life together by lying to his family, but I don’t want to rock the boat the very first time I meet them, either. How do I handle this? Is it his family, his way?"

— Ring Drama

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/493kB0w
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

18/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I are on the minimalist side. We hate clutter, junk, consumerism. We try to live responsibly and sustainably by purchasing local, good-quality items, using our stuff until it’s worn out, fixing stuff where we can before buying new.

My dad, on the other hand, loves buying stuff, especially anything he sees as a bargain. I’ve had this problem for years where my dad buys me stuff I don’t need, want or like, and I resent it. I’ve told him so many times to stop, that gifting me material items like he does gives me anxiety. When I need something, I want to choose with intention, one good-quality item that aligns with my lifestyle and aesthetic.

My fiancé and I did a major renovation of our small house. We did it all ourselves and are so happy with the results. When my parents visited, they saw that we were missing a lot of essentials. We explained that we are making do, we want to slowly and thoughtfully choose the right things.

While we were at work, they took it upon themselves to buy us a ton of cheap junk, nothing we’d ever want or choose. Their excuse? It was all on sale. My anxiety went through the roof when I saw all that junk cluttering up our home. When I explained this, my parents were offended and marched out, saying we can return it, but that leaves me with the responsibility when I have a million other things to deal with.
Is it reasonable to take all this over to my parents’ house and insist that returning it is their job? Maybe that will stop them from doing it again?"

— Stop Buying Us Junk

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/3KUTn23
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

17/10/2025

Tune in to Carolyn's live chat, starting today at 12 p.m. ET.

Advice columnist Carolyn Hax answers your questions about the strange train we call life.

16/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: My husband was the best man in his friend’s wedding overseas — 10-hour-plus flight — and since things have been very low risk for my pregnancy, I felt it was fine if he went, despite my being at 36 weeks. Everything was honestly fine and I was glad he went, even though I was bummed I couldn’t be there to celebrate.
The last day, his friends convinced him to go bungee jumping. I am struggling to get over how mad it’s made me. I mean, he’s home now, and obviously he’s fine, but what the [heck]? I don’t want to keep him from having fun, but it just feels like, wasn’t going halfway across the world enough? Did he also have to jump off a bridge?

To make matters worse, when I talked to him about it, he made a joke about how one of his friends — a woman I barely know — agreed to help raise our kid if he died. I’m not exactly sure why, but the joke made me 1,000 times more upset.
He’s apologized and said he understands why I’m angry, but it’s just not making me less upset. Plus, now the friends are all posting videos of them jumping off the bridge. It’s infuriating. How do I let this go?"

— Over the Edge

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/3KRVGD4
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

14/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: What is the etiquette around adjusting to a walking companion’s preferred pace? My partner’s natural, comfortable pace has always been a bit faster than mine. As a result, when we are on a walk “together,” they pull ahead of me. Anyone seeing us would not recognize us as a couple on an outing.

My choices seem to boil down to pushing myself to an uncomfortable pace or just being content to be always about six to 10 paces behind. I will say they do sometimes cast a brief glance over a shoulder, perhaps to confirm that I am still on my feet and making progress. Once satisfied that I haven’t collapsed, they turn their gaze forward again, and the race continues.

I have expressed my unhappiness with this behavior — and it IS a behavior — but it persists even in the face of my complaints. Any suggestions?"

— Outpaced in Wisconsin

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/3KSi7Id
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

13/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: I saw my sister recently after we’d taken a break of several months. We’d had an argument when I was staying at her house, at her request, to help with some projects, and she kept postponing the projects to hang out with her friends. We finally arranged a getaway together to get back on track.

On our trip, after a few drinks, she divulged that during our “break,” she had taken herself on the dream vacation we had often discussed. She knows full well my yearning to see that city has been the driving force in my budgeting, hoarding of leave at work and reading/planning for the past couple of years. I had been hopeful it could take place this upcoming year when I have a landmark birthday.

After our tiff at her house, she cashed in all her rewards points and went without me, and admits it was spiteful.

I managed to control myself after a disbelieving, “You went to X without me?” but felt shell-shocked.

Every day on this recent getaway, she would twist the knife, too, saying, “Oh, when I was in X I went to a concert at (famous venue),” or, “Oh, when I was in X I went to (famous museum).” The disloyalty is staggering.

I made it through our trip without a serious blow-up but felt really sad inside, and her revelation has numbed my interest in reconciling; we used to vacation together frequently and be in touch several times a week.

She sees her trip not as a betrayal but as “Well, you didn’t get in touch about the holiday, so I made my own plans.” She didn’t get in touch with me, either, let alone say she’d found this great deal related to my dream trip!

I really don’t know how to go forward with this. In the past few years, I have applied most of my precious vacation time and considerable money — at her request, not pushing myself in — to help her recover from her divorce, manage some health problems and fix up her house. Clearly, I don’t get any consideration in return. What’s next?"

— Numb

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4ocfijD
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

12/10/2025

Starting this week, Carolyn Hax publishes on a new schedule: columns on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, with Nick Galifianakis illustrations rather than cartoons. Reader advice stays on Wednesday and the live chat on Friday.

"Hi, Carolyn: I recently ended my relationship with my fiancé due to issues between him and his mother. To put it briefly, she is a very difficult person who is unhealthily attached to her son. He felt responsible for her happiness, and I often did not feel prioritized, which caused tension between us.

He hid our engagement for months because he did not want to witness how unhappy she would be. It really soured things and devastated both of us during a time that should have felt special. We had no celebrations, and, honestly, it felt like we were in mourning.

I pleaded with him to tell her. All he did was bury his head in the sand while I hid our engagement from my friends and others I cared about. We both became physically unwell due to stress. I took us to couples therapy, and when I saw absolutely no progress, I ended the relationship.

Since then, he has told his mother we were engaged, has taken himself to therapy and is trying to win me back.

I wish we could try again, but I just don’t know if I will be able to get over this horrible memory of our engagement. I feel anxious and awkward even thinking about it. Although I still love him, I just ask myself, “What’s the point?” I don’t know if I would even want to be engaged to him again. I feel as though it’s been irrevocably ruined.

But then when I see him, I remember how much I care about him and all my anger fades.

When our therapist asked what I would need, I genuinely couldn’t articulate it. I just wish there was a way for it to feel special again. Is there anything that can be done to essentially rewrite miserable and ruined memories of a time that should have been happy?"

— Tarnished Moment

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/431FaGO
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

11/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: Without getting too far into the weeds of recent news events, I have to say that as a single 36-year-old who wants to be a mom someday, I am feeling increasingly hopeless. I went on a few dates with a new person recently, and by the end of the second date, I found myself having to explain to him that the reason I’m not married with kids yet is that I hung around too long in my first postcollege relationship and lost those years. Who wants to view or describe themselves that way?

I am so sad. It’s not just about whether I have options in my own life (I live in a state where things seem stable for now) but about how I am increasingly viewed as a person who hasn’t made everything happen for myself yet."

— Hopeless

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/48kRVzO
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

10/10/2025

"Hi, Carolyn: I grew up in a very image-conscious family. I’ve always been “bigger,” which bothered my parents a lot. They were always on my case to lose weight, although it wasn’t having health impacts and I don’t have issues with physical fitness. Now that Ozempic is a thing, they have been dropping hints about that, too. I’ve tried gently having conversations about how their comments are hurtful, but they — especially my mom — get hostile and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. (They aren’t great at emotional discussions.)

I love myself generally and think I’m a cool person. But I’m in my early 30s, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I really don’t get romantic attention. I’ve been on a handful of dates from apps.

This is hard. I naturally wonder if my weight is the problem. But I can’t bear the idea that my parents were right this whole time, and I don’t want to hear the inevitable I-told-you-so’s if I do end up trying Ozempic.

I know a reasoned conversation isn’t going to stop them. And I know internally it’s going to kill me if I lose weight and start getting more attention; were they right and I was really that ugly this entire time?

I have no idea how to wrap my mind around this problem. I’ve had a string of really unhelpful therapists, generally saying, “You’re not ugly, but you need years of therapy to heal ALL your childhood trauma and then maybe you’ll be able to find a relationship!” and I need a break from that.

Do you have any advice?"

— Need a Break

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4mWOAKX
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

09/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: My spouse and I are in our early 70s, married 25 years and living in a large suburban area.

She stopped driving six months ago because of bad eyesight.
I volunteer delivering meals and at the animal shelter and serve on a county commission. I also take classes at the gym three days a week. These activities give purpose and meaning to my life in retirement.

Spouse is an introvert and doesn’t want to do these things with me. Spouse doesn’t understand why I have so many friends, has no friends and thinks people don’t need them — they’re too much trouble.

Now she wants me to quit all my activities to be available to drive her to appointments and errands. Spouse does NOT have any other chronic illness except poor eyesight. Spends the day playing video games and watching TV.

I’ve said I’m available all day Mondays and before noon other days. But my spouse says she needs rides at other times. And that my schedule is too complicated.
Spouse refuses to take taxis when I’m not available, saying they’re too expensive. Spouse has $10 million in investments. (We married in our late 40s and kept our finances separate.) I think spouse is being ridiculous and said she should spend the $20,000 she got for selling her car on taxi rides. She says that’s a waste when I could and should be doing it.

Spouse says I’m being a bad spouse not to quit activities to care for her. She doesn’t need assisted living care, she just wants free taxi service.

Suggestions for how I should navigate this?"

— Frustrated Spouse

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/3J1V0dJ
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

08/10/2025

"Dear Carolyn: My sister and I had a really difficult childhood, but she definitely had it tougher than I did. For very good reasons, she severed all ties with our mom over 20 years ago, and, based on the way things happened, her daughters also chose to sever all ties with their grandmother.

My sister and I also were estranged for many years, but about six years ago, we rebuilt our relationship from the ground up and we are the best of friends now. That is, until Mom died a few weeks ago.

My mom left her home and its contents to me. She was very clear on her wishes that I sell the home and split the money between my two children. It will be a significant amount of money. She left my sister a third of all remaining assets, which are minimal.

My sister is livid about the terms of the will, feeling like it was just another way to send her a message that she didn’t matter to our mom. I don’t know what Mom was thinking. If memory serves, she didn’t want to leave my sister entirely out of the will, but this has actually turned out to be worse.

This whole legal journey through probate is going to just keep taking my sister back to a past with ugly memories and lots of pain. How do I navigate this and keep my relationship with her? Do I reconsider how to allocate the money from the house to make things more fair — but go against my mom’s specific wishes?"

— Heir

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/3J1tayj
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis