Carolyn Hax, Advice Columnist

08/01/2026

Carolyn Hax can’t get to every question she receives, so every week we ask readers to think like an advice columnist and submit their advice. Out of the many great responses we receive, we select a few standouts to publish on Wednesdays.

This week's question is below:

Dear Carolyn: Since we started dating nearly 20 years ago, my husband has always been interested in cars. It’s an interest I don’t share, but we had plenty of other shared interests (and I have some that he doesn’t share!), so all was fine.

During the pandemic, he bought an old car to tinker with in the garage, and since then this interest has taken over his (albeit limited) free time. He works on the car, researches the car, chats with other car people online, plans trips to car meetups, etc. He still puts our family first and takes care of all of his responsibilities, but pretty much any non-car activity has to be suggested by me. I’m feeling increasingly disconnected from him.

I don’t want to make this a point of conflict (I’m really happy he has found a community and something that feels engaging), but I miss sharing interests with him. Whenever I’ve said something, it’ll get better for a bit but then drift back to the status quo when I stop pushing. This isn’t marriage-ending — we have three kids and are generally in a good place — but it is happiness-eroding. How can I address, or at least make peace with, this?

— Husband’s Hobby

Every week, we ask readers to think like an advice columnist and submit their advice to a question Carolyn Hax hasn’t answered.

06/01/2026

"Dear Carolyn: My kids are 12 and 9. We live in a neighborhood with lots of young people, and my husband and I (who both work from home) are very social people who grew up in big families, so we have always been pretty generous about letting the kids’ neighborhood friends spend lots of time in and around our house.

But there is one family, let’s call them the Smiths, who have gradually come to abuse this. One of their kids, “Maisy,” is also 9 and will come to our place, stay for hours, play in our yard even if our kids aren’t there, ask for some of whatever we’re having for dinner and request our attention (“Will you play catch with me?”). We have had to put up some boundaries with Maisy, but nothing too crazy — she needs to start walking home before it gets dark. Otherwise, we basically allow her to make herself at home, though we do grumble to each other sometimes about her constant presence.

This morning, I got the most infuriating email from Maisy’s mom, a woman I know and like but haven’t spent tons of time with — one reason it’s surprising she has outsourced so much of her daily parenting to us. In the email, she complains that I let Maisy watch some of a show for teenagers. My 12-year-old happened to be watching it on a day when Maisy came and stayed for about five hours during my workday. Also, the mother found some snacks on Maisy that apparently are not her preference. She requests that in the future I check with her before administering snacks and letting her kid watch age-inappropriate content.

I am … absolutely … fuming. There was no “Thank you for keeping Maisy safe for at least 12 afternoons this month.” There was no acknowledgment of the many times I have sliced up fruit for Maisy or let her eat one-fourth of a pizza I bought for my kids. Just criticism of what sort of babysitter I have been.

Am I out of line to nuke this whole thing? I am to the point of wanting to write back that I am not up for the responsibility and that Maisy is no longer welcome to come here without an adult supervisor. I suspect it will take only a day or two for Mrs. Smith to realize just how much she had been relying on us terrible sitters.

— Fuming

They love a full house. But a mom’s emailed critique, when her 9-year-old routinely stays for hours, has the letter writer fuming.

04/01/2026

"Dear Carolyn: My partner, “Graham,” and I are friends with two other couples, “Andrea and Paul” and “Marianne and Dennis.” The six of us have been very close for over a decade, or so I thought.

Before Marianne and Dennis got married last year, Andrea hosted a bachelorette party for Marianne, to which I was invited. There was also a bachelor party for Dennis, but Graham wasn’t invited. This year, Andrea and Paul are getting married, and I just received the bachelorette invite from Marianne. Paul is having a bachelor party, to which Graham is apparently not invited.

Both grooms are entitled to invite whomever they want to their bachelor parties. I know that. And, of course, the male partners do not all have to be as close to one another as the three women are. But I really don’t get the bachelor party thing because, when we are all together, Graham very much seems to be part of the guys’ close circle. They’ve known him around the same amount of time they’ve known each other.

At this point, it’s not about the invite as much as whether there’s something I don’t know that explains why they’re not including Graham. I’m hurt, but I’m also just baffled: Of the six of us, why is he the only one left out of things?
What should I do (if anything)?"

— He’s Left Out

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4bfnpIV
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

03/01/2026

"Dear Carolyn: We just got an invitation to the baptism of my seventh nephew on my husband’s side. Once again, we were not considered as godparents. I feel snubbed.

My husband and I are members of a church of the same denomination as his siblings, but a more liberal synod. In my family, as in my husband’s, naming someone as a godparent is a way to forge a stronger connection between an aunt and uncle (or family friend) and a specific child. I feel like the refusal of my husband’s siblings to regard us as spiritual equals is a way of pushing us further from their kids’ lives.

I have no desire to go to this umpteenth baptism, but that feels like a petty reaction. Is this a legitimate snub? Should I talk to my sister-in-law about it? My husband thinks this is no big deal and would still like his brother and sister to be the godparents for our future (hypothetical) offspring."

— Miffed in the Midwest

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4jC1Cxz
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

02/01/2026

"Dear Carolyn: My mom is in her late 50s, very intelligent except she disregards basic safety advice that even a 5-year-old knows! She has a key under the front doormat and ignores my advice to hide it in a better place (or, better yet, not leave one out at all).

Worse, she’ll take the dog out for walks at night, dressing in nothing but her nightgown with a coat thrown over it, and leave the front door unlocked. I caution her that anybody could just walk in the house and be there waiting for her, but she insists she “would see them.” Sometimes, I’ll stop by the house and find the door unlocked and the windows open … and nobody home!

Finally, she refuses to lock her car doors when she drives around, which not only gives carjackers easy access but is also unsafe in an accident.

She says I’m “paranoid” and that “nothing will ever happen.” Daily, on the news, I see reports of older women being s*xually assaulted or killed, with the attacker gaining access to their homes through unlocked doors.

I’ve gone from asking nicely to literally begging her to follow some basic safety rules. I told her, even if SHE doesn’t care, my sister and I do, and we’re the ones who would have to live with the trauma for the rest of our lives if anything happened to her. She finally said she was going to “buy a gun” and that would keep her safe, but I say that she’d be more likely to shoot somebody else by mistake and that it would make more sense to take basic precautions.

So, Carolyn, any advice? I know she’s an adult and can make her own choices, but I wish she’d make better ones."

— Worried About My Mom

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4jiSKfN
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

31/12/2025

This year Carolyn Hax took to video to tackle some reader questions — including ones about a mom ignoring a serious allergy, being ditched for first class and a cranky husband who expects regular s*x. These are her most watched of 2025. Make sure to follow her on Instagram so you don't miss the next one.

Advice columnist Carolyn Hax discusses some of her readers’ wildest questions on video.

30/12/2025

"Dear Carolyn: I’ve been dating a wonderful man for two years. He recently proposed, and I accepted, but my family is not nearly as happy about it as I am. The reason? They suspect that he is gay and that I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

The only evidence they have is his effeminate nature, which even I admit can be over the top at times. In fact, when I first met him, I was sure he was gay, but he has since proved not to be. Beyond the wrist flicks and the strained S’s, he’s as straight as an arrow: He has never been with a man or had any interest in doing so, and his family and friends, while admitting he has a metros*xual streak, all attest to his heteros*xuality.

(There’s no homophobia among them, so I don’t think they’re just denying something they don’t want to see.)

This is a sensitive subject in my family; both my father and stepmother married spouses who later came out, and it was an incredibly painful experience for them all. That’s not something I want to go through, but I do love this man and believe in our future together. Any advice?"

— Gay Marriage?

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/3YgFdvO
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

29/12/2025

"Dear Carolyn: My brother, 22, hasn’t always made what others would call the best life decisions, but I’ve tried to offer guidance and give him room to make mistakes. Last month, I found out that his girlfriend was pregnant and they were getting married. I took this news much better than my parents and am truly excited that I will soon have a little niece or nephew. My brother has loved this girl since he first saw her at age 13; they probably would have married anyway in a year or two.
The issue I’m having is that my brother and his fiancée are really poor, expecting and having what I consider to be the tackiest wedding I’ve ever seen. They are getting married in a church (when she will be five months pregnant), are inviting over 150 people and have now upped the number of bridesmaids/groomsmen from three to seven (now totaling 14 people in the bridal party). They wanted to print photo greeting cards for the wedding invitations and use artificial flowers for the bouquets, and have picked a bridesmaids’ dress that is way too short for a woman of 30 (me) to be wearing in a church wedding.

My parents and I have started to contribute money and advice to make this appear a little classier. Really, it seems silly. I feel the responsible thing to do at this point is to have either a tiny church wedding or a simple civil ceremony. There, I said it. I feel awful that I have such strong opinions about how these two should live their lives. What do you think?"

— Conflicted

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/49ru0yH
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

28/12/2025

"Hi, Carolyn: I just met my boyfriend’s ex and was pretty blown away — she is beautiful like a model and perfect in every obvious way (funny, they have great chemistry, she’s smart and about to become a doctor). No problem, he broke up with her for a reason, right?

Well, actually, it turns out the reason the relationship ended was that he was constantly insecure she was GOING to break up with him, and she got tired of reassuring him. My boyfriend also said he never worries about that with me because I’m more of a “real girl.” Read: not strikingly beautiful, not likely to dump him for something better.

I’m sure that’s not how he meant it to come across, but that’s what I interpreted, and now I’m the one who is insecure. I wish I hadn’t met the ex at all. Any suggestions?"

— Anonymous

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4p9PVPs
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

27/12/2025

"Dear Carolyn: I am a middle-aged female professional; I work full time and attended a work dinner. I sat beside the wife of one of our clients, and she initially asked if I was married to one of my male colleagues. When I said no, she launched into an attack of me as a working mother and talked about how she quit her job so her kids weren’t brought up by nannies.

How does one respond? I smiled and nodded but was seething. FYI, my two daughters are thriving."

— Shamed

Carolyn's advice: https://wapo.st/4qK3gj1
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis

26/12/2025

A roundup of the most-read Carolyn Hax columns of 2025 includes a woman’s birthday obsession, a flight-tracking in-law and a petty inheritance decision.

25/12/2025

"Dear Carolyn: I usually go to my partner’s sibling’s home for the holidays. I have noticed at the end of the meal, the men sit around and only the women are cleaning. My partner says it’s because when they offer to help, she is too particular or gets annoyed when they do something wrong. But somehow, it always ends up that I am taking people’s plates away and the two of us are in the kitchen cleaning!
I don’t want to leave her in the lurch, but the dynamic really grinds my gears. Since it’s not my household, should I even try to help fix this? If so, how?"

— So Gendered

Carolyn's response: https://wapo.st/3NfHcOs
Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis