Lacuna Voices

06/12/2022

‘Several people tried to deter me from cutting contact with my father, often on the premise ‘family is family’ but my mind was made up. I cut ties in full - blocking all forms of contact.

I never looked back. Never let him back in. It was an act of social resistance to choose myself and a protection of my inner peace.

Not without pain, though. To be Autistic does not mean you cannot feel or have no feelings. Whilst I didn’t grieve for my father, I did grieve for the parent I’d never had.’

Read our powerful piece on parental estrangement by our Anonymous Lacuna Voice now - link for Family in bio and stories.

16/09/2022

National Eczema Week 2022
‘I felt disgusted by my body and often thanked God under my breath that I was single, feeling relieved that as a devout Christian, nobody would see my body, even if I was dating.
‘Whilst my friends wore cute little dresses, I resolved to wear jumpsuits, covering as much of my skin as possible. I felt hopeless, confused and gutted that I felt so limited in the things I could wear comfortably. In my mind, eczema was the first thing everyone saw when they met me and when it was particularly bad, I dreaded meeting new people. Would they be alarmed by my appearance? Pity me? I wanted neither.’
Read what happened when friendship turned to romance for eczema sufferer and how she prepared for her wedding day and beyond.

Live now on www.lacunavoices.com (link in bio)

👊

02/06/2022

“I do not want to write this account of what has happened to me. I do not wish to re-live the misery I have lived through. But if there is a chance my words might help someone else who becomes mentally ill, this is something I have to write.

These were the opening sentences of 'My Fight Against Fear,' an article written by my grandma, Eileen Herson, in 1971.

I’d come across the yellowed, typewritten pages whilst leafing through old boxes in my childhood home in the summer of 2020 and they’d offered a rare glimpse into a mind of a mysterious lady who had suffered from bipolar disorder and took her life the same year I was born.

Eileen’s word carry significance because my sister, Josephine, 24, and I have both inherited our grandma’s mental illness.”

Read Dorothy Herson’s moving and powerful piece about the state of NHS mental health provisions, and how bipolar had impacted generations of her family.

https://www.lacunavoices.com/health-emotional-wellbeing/bipolar-generations-family-nhs-help-then-vs-now

02/05/2022

TW: su***de, self harm, disordered eating.
‘It is a fact I’ve long since accepted, though I don’t like it very much: I desperately crave attention and validation from any person I’m romantically entangled with.
It’s so deeply upsetting for me when it doesn’t happen, I feel entirely overwhelmed. In the spring of last year, I attempted su***de because I felt like my partner wasn’t being attentive, loving and affectionate enough. Impulsively, I’d taken an overdose and woke up four days later, intubated with a tube the thickness of a garden hose down my throat in the intensive care unit of our local hospital.
Afterwards, I met with a psychologist every day for a week and he concluded with absolute certainty that I had borderline personality disorder. It wasn’t the first time I’d been told that, but for the first time, I believed it. Otherwise, who would risk dying when they didn’t actually want to, just for attention? That wasn’t someone putting words in my mouth, it was genuinely why I’d done it. Because what rational person would think: if I die, at the very least, John will cry at my funeral…’

Navigating love with borderline personality, by writer is now live.

https://www.lacunavoices.com/health-emotional-wellbeing/borderline-personality-disorder-love-relationships-coping-therapy

Megan, we wish you so much love, light and peace. Thank you for sharing your journey with us ❤️

Megan shares her symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and how it has impacted her relationships, self-image and wellbeing. Here's what she's doing to cope, and have a better life for with her partner, and for herself.

04/04/2022

‘I lost my religion with no plans to find it again. But one morning in March 2018, I woke up with a sore back and within a fortnight, I’d lost 95% of my eyesight. No one could figure out what was wrong with me and I prepared myself for the end. Every fibre of my body ached, but I felt completely numb and at peace. I was ready to die. Then, a miracle happened.’

Read Sarah Harris’ brilliant piece by clicking the link below

💯

https://www.lacunavoices.com/explore-world-with-lacuna-voices/losing-faith-in-islam-recovery

08/03/2022

‘And all the things I refuse to give it.’
shares her journey through endometriosis pain, diagnosis, and IVF, detailing the breathtaking ignorance she’s faced from medics, including an OB/GYN who mistakenly removed her appendix instead of investigating her symptoms of endometriosis as the cause of her excruciating pain, and an ER doc who accused her of drug seeking instead of listening to her.
Read her story now on Lacuna Voices, and tag a friend who needs to see this. One in 10 women and those assigned female at birth suffer endometriosis. It is not rare and is one of the top 20 most painful diseases according to the .

23/02/2022

‘Am I selfish? Am I incomplete? As a 42-year-old childless married woman, I am confronted by these doubts every day.

But I find the commitment to raise and nurture another life - either a biological child or an adopted one - lacking in me. I don’t want to have a child at all, a realisation I had at 39.

In Indian society, raising a child is seen as a mother’s responsibility and I resent the imbalance. I don’t want to be a super-mom. I revel in my love of arts, travel, books and spirituality. For me, that space can’t be compromised, especially not when so much of my life is clouded my by ill health. Having the space to do things I enjoy is pivotal to my emotional well-being.

But don’t mistake me for an anti-natalist…’ CLICK the ‘family’ link in bio to read Gautami’s deep dive into this important issue.

20/12/2021

‘We wanted our adopted sons to have the most special first Christmas in our home, but it all went wrong.

‘Andrew and I wanted it to be perfect and felt the pressure to make that happen. What ‘perfect’ meant, we didn’t know, but we thought we would feel it when amidst the flurry of planning and shopping, we had achieved it.’

https://www.lacunavoices.com/family-parenting-issues-all-dynamics/first-adopted-christmas

15/12/2021

‘It was one those perfect, golden October days and I was standing in the middle of a beautiful field, taking in the natural beauty of the pond shaded by weeping willows, when an idea hit me.
What if my relatives all embraced sustainable gifting this Christmas, giving only homemade, recycled, regifted, or charity shop presents?’ Bobby Twidale delves into her family’s historic love for the countryside, and how she and her relatives have all committed to more sustainability@and less consumerism this Christmas and beyond. Read it now through the ‘world’ link in our bio, or click through on our story

02/12/2021

‘Two days later, on 11th December 2018, you were gone. The normal rituals of Christmas felt like a sick reminder of how different everything was for our family now. But the four of us did what you’d told us to, no matter how much it hurt, going out the day after we lost you to buy a tree.

‘And just like that, December the 11th became the day we’d buy your tree, fixed in the calendar, two weeks until Christmas and forever the day we lost you.’

Read Peter’s full moving letter ‘Dear Allyson’ and how his family found a way to come to terms with all they’d lost.

Who will you be remembering this Christmas?

Mum-of-three Allyson was taken too soon after a late diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Here, her widower Peter writes a poignant letter to her, telling Allyson she'll never be forgotten

20/10/2021

‘When I had s*x for the first time, it didn’t go to plan and I was left with a serious injury that hospitalised me for two days. It wasn’t my fault, or my then-partner’s. I’d been taught s*x was a sin and the consequences were far reaching.’ Read our latest Lacuna Voice by clicking the link below 👇🏽

New

09/07/2021

‘Growing up, magazines told me Kate Moss was the epitome of beauty, which made me feel out of place. Then a trip to Montserrat helped me find myself. Suddenly, I didn’t physically stand out. Nobody wanted to touch my hair, my skin colour wasn’t a trigger for negative assumptions or abuse, and for the first time in my life, I felt like my body was just fine - glorious, in fact. I didn’t feel that my b***s, bum, or thighs were too big and I didn’t feel self-conscious on the beach.’

Read Becky’s moving story of self-discovery and family history on Lacuna Voices 👇🏽

NEW

08/06/2021

A little something for everyone, including those who are bereaved this Father’s Day. Click the link to hear about fab companies doing things ethically, being green or eco-conscious, giving back to others in need and taking care of the locals doing their hard work work 👍🏽

First the day escapes us, next a week, then a whole month. Before you know it, Father’s Day is upon you and you’re coming up empty handed. Fret not, with our fab guide that will leave your conscience as intact as your pocket, you’re sure to find a little something on budget for the father figu...

07/06/2021

Sooo true

There is something about Sunday that really brings out our pettiness.

I've been salivating at the prospect of a lie-in for months now. But still, when he awakes, it is me that rises on autopilot, a mumbie in search of a remote and the strange solace of morning cartoons.

Hours pass. Four in fact. I tally them up as if calculating Time Off In Leui. We play lego. I get him dressed, extra noisily, to no avail. We read. We deflate his birthday balloons in a bizarre made-up game that he seems to love. I am wide awake now and having fun but still cannot shake the thought of you. Up there. Snoring away.

I bound into our bedroom. "It's been four hours. You've slept in for four hours. So now I'm gonna have four hours to myself" I say, convincing no one. We both laugh because we know it will not be four hours. It will be one hour at best. An interruptible one hour at that.

I run a bath in protest. I get in. And still, you lie there, as our four-year-old runs in and out of the bathroom. He slaps a cold, wet flannel across my back and scrubs at my scaley knees. "I'm washing you. Like you wash me, mum." "Ah, thanks love" I smile, whilst secretly seething at his dad.

He half-slips on a puddle on the floor.

"Spence!!" I say with force. The penny drops and you appear and take him down the stairs.

"Muuum!" he cries with arms outstretched, like a scene from Sophie's Choice. What is this sudden separation anxiety at Four? Have I accidentally created an insecure attachment? But I tried so bloody hard not to. Have a day off brain. He is fine.

I hear him playing and laughing contentedly. Despite his initial reservations he always has more fun with you. But I still can't fully relax. The phantom crying never really subsided. It got superseded by phantom "muuuuum'ing" instead.

My imaginings become real and there's an urgency in his voice that I recognise. I know that sound. He is thirsty but he doesn't yet know that he is thirsty.

"Spence. I think he needs a drink." I shout down.

I hear the clink of the sink and then silence.

Ah water. That cure-all for everything.

I slide back down into my now-cold bath.

Words: Karen McMillan (Mother Truths)
Art by:

21/05/2021

What’s your favourite U.K. beach?

15/03/2021

Are you an introvert? Alex Waite writes about the years he spent grappling with his true nature for Lacuna Men.

For years, I fought my very nature. Now, I’ve accepted that I’m an introvert and my mental health and quality of life have improved exponentially.

08/03/2021

Happy 🙌

01/03/2021

‘I saw my male GP multiple times but he was dismissive, said my painful periods were normal and told me to go on the pill. I would be screaming and crying in pain and asked so many times, how can this be normal? How long do I have to keep suffering like this?’

Five years later, Nadine Lewis was diagnosed with endometriosis, a painful, incurable gynaecological disease that affects 1 in 10 women and people who mentruate. There is no cure and it’s one of the top 20 most painful diseases you can have.

Nadine has needed multiple surgeries as her endometriosis had already spread to her diaphragm by the time she was diagnosed, causing her lung to collapse, or fill with fluid and blood during her periods.

‘It makes me feel like I’m drowning. If I had been taken seriously by my GP earlier, maybe my endometriosis wouldn’t have become so aggressive, taking away my freedom, confidence, and affecting my physical and mental health.’

Nadine’s full story and our report for is live now. Read, like, share & comment to raise awareness as up to 60 per cent of people have no idea about this condition despite its prevalence.

https://www.lacunavoices.com/health-emotional-wellbeing/Endometriosis-symptoms-delay-crisis

NEW. Endometriosis Awareness Month

19/02/2021

‘When my mother was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 61, my father sought his favourite crutch. As his drinking worsened, his behaviour became disruptive, unpredictable and repugnant.

‘There was so much to do - organise all my mother’s appointments, extensive research about her treatments - and instead of helping, my father was hindering.

‘Dad’s world had always been one-dimensional and myopic; he wanted a drink, so he had one; my mother’s diagnosis frightened him, so drank. Whatever the feeling, good or bad, he carried on drinking.

‘I confronted him and instead of talking to me, Dad banned me from his house. For a year, when my mother needed me most, I was no longer allowed to visit her at our family home. My mother was resigned to the situation, and had no fight left in her. My father’s drunken behaviour became so intolerable, my mother was forced to leave her home, moving to my gran’s house 10 minutes away, to literally die in peace.’

Read on to find out how Kiran found it in her heart to forgive her dad, this Children of Alcoholics Week.

'Growing up in the shadow of my father’s alcoholism caused me untold pain. Now, I’m trying to make peace with my past.' Kiran Sidhu talks to Lacuna Voices for Children of Alcoholics week