21/04/2024
Quebec Bans ‘On/Off’ Switch
Location: Montreal, PQ
Date: April 21, 2024
In a groundbreaking move that has stirred both confusion and creativity, the Quebec government has banned the use of ‘on/off’ switches on all devices. This decision is part of an effort to enforce the purity of the French language, making sure that not a single English word tarnishes the mechanical landscape of Quebec.
The policy, outlined in a press release that itself could serve as a French language drill, argues that English words such as ‘on’ and ‘off’ endanger the French language, risking its dilution into obscurity. “We must protect our linguistic heritage,” declared Jean-François Bouton, the newly appointed Minister of Electromechanical Linguistic Compliance. “Imagine the chaos if our children start associating ‘on’ with ‘begin’ and ‘off’ with ‘stop’. It’s a slippery slope!”
Public reaction has been a spectacle of innovation and adaptation. Residents have devised complex systems of ropes and pulleys to operate their electronics, avoiding the linguistically outlawed switches. One inventive individual in Montreal has even trained his dog to operate his coffee maker, cleverly sidestepping the regulation.
Electronics stores across Quebec are rapidly adapting, restocking with devices that feature the newly mandated “Allume/Éteint” switches. These items are flying off the shelves, priced significantly higher due to their compliance and novelty. “It’s definitely been an adjustment,” mentioned a local shop owner, struggling to explain the new products to a line of baffled customers. “But at least we’re keeping it interesting!”
Critics of the ban have highlighted the impracticality, pointing out that most devices are manufactured for a global market that does not cater specifically to the Quebecois dialect. However, Minister Bouton remains undeterred, envisioning a global shift led by Quebec. “Today Quebec, tomorrow the world! Imagine a planet where every device respects the French language. We’re not just dreaming big; we’re planning big!”
As Quebec embarks on this quest for linguistic purity, the rest of Canada watches, perhaps amused and definitely curious. Will the ‘on/off’ switch become a relic of the past, or is Quebec just flipping off practicality? Only time, and perhaps the power button, will tell.