Jordan From The Fort

05/09/2023

Since gma said this is a good picture of me, with a "natural smile" that I don't show enough, according to her, I figured it must be good enough to post. NEVER doubt the grandma. She does know best.

Even though I did run out of meds a few days ago (due to medication shortages on my extended release causing me to use more of the weaker instant ones when I'm out, I'm just gonna have to try to function without for about a week and pray that they are both in stock and insurance doesn't give me the old runaround.) and cannot refill them for a out a week due to them being a controlled substance and all. It DOES make me nervous about this new job I have starting on Wednesday at the Clubroom at the Clyde. However, like I told them, it's kind of my dream job for what I'm doing in my life right now, so I'm willing to do anything and everything to hang in there until I have my meds and am back to running at "100% Jordan" again.

31/08/2023

Gotta love those blue skies giving me a gorgeous backdrop.

31/08/2023

Well, one of the dreams I've been chasing for a few years now has finally become a reality. I am now proudly employed by The Club Room at the Clyde. Finally, I get the chance to not only have a job I enjoy but a job where I get to be around so many talented artists. Hopefully, I can learn a bit from them. Here's to dreams becoming reality and plans finally coming to fruition.

31/08/2023

How do you kill someone by running them over while on duty, in your squad car, with a history of accidents while on duty, and just get a $35 dollar fine and a misdemeanor? While I am fully ignorant, please teach me, how is this decided by a magistrate alone? I assumed the charge would be vehicular manslaughter. I truly am lost on how killing someone with your car on duty turns into a failure to yield charge. Anyone else runs over someone with the right of way and kills them, it would be vehicular manslaughter as well as a lawsuit on the company the person worked for. Why does this guy get away with it?

A Fort Wayne police officer with a history of traffic offenses has pleaded guilty to an infraction after his vehicle fatally injured a pedestrian who was in a crosswalk.

10/08/2023

Well Facebook suggested memories, then my ADHD ass got looking at photos, then it suggested a "This is how it started, this is how it's going," even though it doesn't say that anywhere, despite it being the title and prompts, then I spent 20 minutes finding an old photo and had to take a selfie (which believe it or not I do not enjoy all that much....imagine that.) Having explained all that, that's why you have to see this. It is also why you just had to sit through that abomination of a run-on sentence, once again apologies.

First photo is from late 2012 to mid 2013 I wanna say.

Welcome to my random ass world. I don't control it, nor do I really have a say, I just live here man.

10/08/2023

Gotta love a bee just throwing pollen around like he's diving into a bag of....powdered sugar. Also, say hi to my grandma's kitty, Delilah. She was for once feeling photogenic the other day and allowed me to take a picture of her.

09/07/2023

Gotta love those summer sunset vibes.

07/07/2023

I have always despised Twitter and very rarely interacted with it. Threads on the other hand feels like an Instagram for just text without as much commercial and spammy BS (for now, I can't speak on the future). So come chat with me on there, I'll be posting at least once a day on there but hoping for it to become more of a routine and my go to place for posting about life, pictures, streaming, just everything that's going on in general. I can't wait to chat with you there.

Google Guide | Photography Noob | Tech Ju**ie. 3 Followers.

07/07/2023

Just posting to make sure my ADHD addled self remembers Instagram exists, since I've been spending so much time on object permanence is a pain in the - oh look a sleepy kitty. What was I talking about?

07/07/2023

I had a ton of fun with the family on the 4th. Great to hang out with siblings and nephews and nieces and family, oh my! Took the opportunity to tinker with the camera....gotta say I'm pretty happy with how these turned out.

06/07/2023

This post is out of character for me, I tend to feel awkward posting pics like this. However, as you can see on my face, I'm shocked. Truly I'm not in shape at all and have a plan in place to get back to where I both want and need to be physically and mentally. How the f**k do I look (to my eyes at least) like I'm actually in shape and do things? Hell of a pleasant surprise after my shower, I really should start actually paying attention, not only to what's in the mirror but to my surroundings in general as well .

Having said all that, I'm trying. I'm trying to get in shape. I'm trying to rebuild and maintain (for the first time in my life) both my physical and mental health. I'm trying to grow and learn. I'm trying to start down a path I've slowly mapped out over the past year. I'm trying to be there and take care of those I love. I'm trying to start a career in photography, specifically in Fort Wayne.

Most importantly though, I AM finally back to being the person I missed, the person I lost years ago and only recently found again. I AM making progress, no matter how hard I have to scratch and claw to get it. I AM pursuing my dreams AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

28/06/2023

Well, update, that Proximo interview I was so excited about......I failed miserably. From the time I parked till about an hour later I ended up having a panic attack. I do have to say thank you to the manager at Proximo. She was amazing and understanding. She asked if I wanted to reschedule but since I can't even walk in the door without freaking out, I told her she'd essentially be wasting her time, I'm not worth it. Maybe some anxietyt medication is in order, but since I've been actively pursuing help for that exact problem and have been unsuccessful at obtaining medication for it for nearly 5 years, I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Only reason I had the attack was because I was so hopeful. Proximo is one of the best restaurants in the Fort and I knew if I got hired in I would make good money and essentially have things taken care of for a while, for once. I guess until I get the right meds, well IF I get he right meds, my dreams are on indefinite hold. I can't even attempt anything on that oath if the first step paralyzes me with fight or flight over nothing.

Anyways, just had to get this out somewhere, hopefully now that its written down I can quit beating myself up over it, like I have been doing nonstop since the interview was supposed to happen, at 3 this afternoon.

27/06/2023

Here's hoping these interviews go well, I'm ready to start serving again downtown.

13/06/2023

I seem to have an obsession with sunsets, sunrises, and the sun peeking out in general....looking at the pictures, it's not such a bad obsession, I should probably cultivate it just a bit.

Just some more photos I either never posted, never edited, or both. I have always refused to do any editing on my photos for two reasons; 1) I have always felt (out of ignorance, naiveté, and a sprinkle of untreated and undiagnosed mental health problems) if I have to edit it I messed up in the first place and shouldn't have taken the picture in the first place. 2) I've never been shown or taught anything regarding photo editing, nor have I been able to focus and be able to learn about it no matter how much I tried. (Yet again, due to undiagnosed and untreated mental health problems) Now I'm finally on meds that work, albeit them being expensive as hell, so let's make things happen. Here's to a successful future taking care of those I love while doing what I love, regardless of what exact thing that ends up being.

13/06/2023

Looking back through old photos in my cloud, theres a bunch I either never posted or never spent the time to edit at all. Time to get to work.

09/05/2023

More prettiness from around the Fort. Love this warm weather.

01/05/2023

Some more downtown pics, love to see so much art.

30/04/2023

29/04/2023

Out and about both getting my steps and my pictures in for the day. Not gonna lie. It just feels nice to be out and about, not anxiety ridden, and all freaked out, for once. Way to go psych meds.

Forgot to mention, I am now "Jordan from the Fort". "The PTSD Gamer" was just not quite a good fit, too impersonal and mental issues forward. It's time for a switch and to start this new chapter of my life.

29/04/2023

It was bright as Hell but finally got a pic of my eye(s) I like.

20/04/2023

Woah, I'm actually streaming for the first time in forever and the first time after rebranding as Jordan From The Fort? I think it's time, live playing Fortnite around 9pm EST on Twitch, link in the bio.

I'm moving shortly and figured it was time to give the old studio/bedroom (at this point) one final hurrah. I'll be playing Fortnite, I know ew, get over it, I play what I want. Hopefully I can get some quests knocked out and get through some of the bonus pages on the battle pass. Hope to see you there.

01/04/2023

As long as I get my medication come this next week, which is looking extremely probable, my life is going to change for the million times percent better.

I will for the first time since late 2009, when I was charged and convicted of class b burglary, have hope for the future. Hope that I'll be successful. Hope that I will be able to actually provide for my family. Hope for happiness to finally be something I can have.

Figured it was past time to get the stream setup all rearranged and cleaned up. Big things coming....stick around, hoping to have everything up and running by early July.

10/02/2023

Gotta love a new haircut. Now to just redye it, gotta pick up some bleach first though, already have the colors I want. I like the semi-natural look but I'm going back to blue on top and purple on the sides asap. (Basically, as soon as I can get 20 bucks together to buy the bleaching kit)

09/02/2023

Some good ol' testing of the photo modes on my two new phones. The 1st is the S22 Ultra on portrait mode, the 2nd is the Pixel 7 on portrait mode.

After doing a lot of testing with the two phones, I've come to an odd conclusion. Ive decided I will capture any video or pictures on the S22 Ultra and then edit with the Pixel 7. It appears that the S22 Ultra is the balls to the wall, max hardware possible, type of phone. Whereas the Pixel, while not as powerful has a much better feeling UI and is generally a lot more "smart". I think it's best summed up like this,

"The S22 Ultra was designed with the thought, here's the best hardware we can cram into a phone; now what software can we make to utilize it? Whereas the Pixel 7 was designed with the thought, here's everything we want this phone to do and here's the perfect software for it as well; now what hardware can we use to run this software as flawlessly as possible, while maintaining a decent price point."

!

08/02/2023

Smokey seems very content, just rearranged both my bedroom and stream room (basically the whole upstairs of my house) and he appears to love both my bed and cpu setup being in the same room, he can always keep an eye on me AND be comfortable. I did wonder why he was both huge and followed me from room to room like a puppy, turns out he's part Maine C**n, hence the lovey nature.

(Pics taken on both a Pixel 7 and an S22 Ultra)

07/01/2023

My little (well to paraphrase Little John of Men in Tights fame...don't let his name fool you! In real life, he's very big) Smokey is lying exactly where I wanted him to. He's my little gaming buddy in my stream room. If I'm on the computer or VR, there he is, just happy to be in the same room as me. Then again he follows me around everywhere I go in the house like a puppy following around someone with food. I'm still lost as to how anyone could have purposely abandoned my little cuddle buddy, but I always forget there are absolutely horrible people out there. I'm not sure but does anyone know.....I think he's part Maine C**n with the size he is at about 15 or 16 months old...just never had a cat this large before.

06/01/2023

Well, since I told myself I'd post on here once a day...here's a post. Today has been one of my bad days. It's a day where I keep fantasizing about someone hitting me head on while I'm driving or being in a restaurant when it gets robbed so maybe I can get "lucky" and just get shot in the face a few times. I know I need medication but to get medication I need to actually keep my appointments and to be able to keep my appointments, without having a full on breakdown, I need medication.....so I'm kind of stuck just spinning in circles. Probably not the nest idea to air everything out on here but here's how I look at it: If you want a fake ass perfect life to look at, feel free to follow any of the literal millions on here who do exactly that. If you can actually understand that I am real human being with feelings, problems, and pretty severe mental health issues, then welcome. I just refuse to be fake anymore. If that means I'm "unfollowable", so be it, just another thing to add to "unhirable".

05/01/2023

This is Smokey's favorite place to lay while I'm off messing about in VR. He's such an awesome kitty. (Also I'm very very aware I need a new chair but it IS a Serta, so still super comfy, just looks like trash. That said, I've had this chair and used it pretty consistently for around 8 hours a day, for about 7 years. Not bad for a chai4 I only paid around 220 for. ALSO good chairs be expensive, so its not something I can even possibly afford right now.)

04/01/2023

I think it's finally time to try out some VR streaming. It's something I've wanted to do since I first decided to try streaming. I'm still working on setting it all up in the software but hoping to have everything good to go by 8pm EDT tonight. Tonight I want to get into some Resident Evil 4 VR and see exactly what's going on there. So, barring anything going wrong, I'll be live on Twitch at 8, come hang out. Link in the bio.

12/12/2022

Gotta say I'm pretty impressed with the front camera on my new phone. This S22 Ultra is by far the nicest piece of technology I've ever owned and at 11 bucks a month for a few years, I can't be mad.