Springfield, MO News

21/07/2024

BREAKING

Biden voluntarily dropped from the presidential race.

While this is a satire page, this is truth we can't ignore.

19/07/2024

In 2025,

"Hail to the Chief" will be replaced by "Bawitaba"
Hulk Hogan will be head of the Secret Service
DJ JT will also be a new musical artist
Trump will outlaw tornadoes
Horses will be issued to all soldiers above E3 in the 1st Calvary
Putin will lose a staring contest with Trump and immediately withdraw from Ukraine; the cost for losing would have been too great
By the third year in office, Nancy Pelosi will have stopped crying and had just mostly allowed Trump to throw paper airplanes at her while she talked
Inauguration night video leak will show Trump in the woods around a bonfire cracking one open with his sons and the Democrats, after a lengthy and expensive investigation into it, will recommend the death penalty
Trump will endorse veganism and will unexpectedly cure "annoying bitch" out of 23% of Americans from those who went back to meat just to defy him
Teenagers will begin to pierce a hole through the top of their right ears because it's "trumpin"
Chuck Norris will have left our planet to find another planet in need after seeing the world left in such good hands as Trump's

24/05/2024

Introducing the "Springfield HODL" (Hold On for Dear Life) or "Springfield Hoddle."

The intentional act of holding your lane in anticipation of having to turn eventually, despite how far away the turn may be.

Example: "I need to turn right on E Sunshine, but I'm on S Glenstone near Best Buy, so I need to stay in the right lane for my entire journey and refuse to help decongest by traveling in the left lane for any foot of my travel. I know the left lane is wide open and no one is in it, but I can't grasp the concept that Springfield's grid roadway system literally connects all streets and possibly missing my turn won't be the end of the world, but I'm going to act like it and congest the s**t out of this lane for several miles."

23/04/2024

BEES

12/04/2024

"Unlocked: A Jail Experiment"

Arkansas: you have the worst jail in the state. What are you going to do to fix it?

Warden: send in cameras, unlock the doors, pull out the guards, and sell it to Netflix

11/04/2024

It's so windy out, the homeless have found a way to traverse the city in an environmentally friendly fashion

10/04/2024

This is the 65/James River interchange before construction.

29/03/2024

SMN MEET THE STAFF

This is Lachellera, our HR director. Born and raised on Sherman Ave near the culvert, Lachellera has spent her entire life north of train tracks here in Springfield, MO.

She got her start in field journalism on many of the intersections in town, specializing in ambush style impromptu interviews in exchange for money while motorists were stopped at red lights. She is famously known for her familiar lines of "what the hell are you doing here?" and "you know the reptiles control kraft cheese, right?"

Sometime in 2018 Lachellera joined SMN's HR department voluntarily as a supplier of "clean" urine for drug testing but with the legalization of ma*****na in Missouri she quickly found herself without work and was sympathetically promoted to director where she spent most of her shift verbally harassing office complainers like those with pronoun preferences and those seeking FMLA.

While she's not legally allowed to possess fi****ms, she's an avid gun-rights enthusiast and amateur chemist. Her working knowledge of criminal law is superb considering her time spent in the FedMed attempting to read legal dictionaries. Die-hard, working classing, vote-blue-or-die type, we're proud to have finally gotten rid of her...still not sure if she quit or whatever...but she hasn't been seen for a while and we don't care.

28/03/2024

It's the off season for football which means it's random field tackling season for trespassers.

28/03/2024

PACKS OF WILD AND AGGRESSIVE DOGS CONTROL THREE TRAILS ON FELLOWS LAKE.

I'm sorry everyone, but these are the end times. BUY BREAD AND MILK

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter (Springfield’s News Talk 104.1) – Three trail segments are closed until April 8 at Fellows Lake. The closures come after multiple reports of aggressive dogs in the area. Fellows Lake is

06/03/2024

You sick? You tired? You sick AND tired of cleaning? "Big C" getting in the way of the "little c?" Say no more! FREE house cleaning services for those who qualify!

"How do I qualify?" you ask? Simple! Just...uhh... I mean... You gotta... Well. You know. The thing.

So, if the thing is there or something, give them a click and let them do their thing.

**Statements made in this post were by a non-journalist intern we're considering firing.

Professional cleaning services

05/03/2024

Bring Branson famous is like being the popular kid in the McDonald's ball pit.

05/12/2023

Soo...because some of you don't get it: this ain't a real news page lol

14/11/2023

Thanksgiving voted out by Springfield City Council as an officially observed holiday. Christmas will now be celebrated every fu***ng day of the year. May God have mercy

15/10/2023

Traffic signals downtown to feature gender neutral colors.

09/10/2023

This just in: new study shows full fu***ng IDIOTS believe there is a similarity between "age prohibited reading material" and "banned books." P**n is technically "banned" in schools according to these morons.