16/06/2023
Thoughts on a Friday evening 💭
I have insecurities. A lot of them actually. Probably like everyone else. My insecurities have always been about my appearance and looks. As a person I’m quite confident and strong (and loud).
When I was 16 years old I got an eating disorder called ortorexia, that was caused from lack of knowledge, a heartbreak and a soccer coach that indicated that I had to lose weight to play on a certain position. From that day, fitness & nutrition has ‘controlled my life’ more or less. The consequences of that has been lack of social life & events because of the fear of losing control, beating myself down mentally and honestly… being scared to make others disappointed of my appearance. Especially guys (since that’s what I’m attracted to). And HEY, I know it might sound crazy and those thoughts doesn’t make sense for some of you (my rational self included) but that’s how insane your brain gets. You get obsessed. In a raw, sad and lonely way. Even if I’m 27 today, I occasionally get thrown back to my 16 year old self and feel what I felt back then.
In this very moment I’m struggling with my looks. Almost every year before summer it appears. I’m not going to point out exactly what that is, because it’s not worth mentioning.
🩷BUT!!! Now you should pay attention🩷
I might be struggling with these superficial insecurities, but I have never been happier than what I am right now! For the first time in years, I am thriving. I am back in my home town, building up my friendships, drinking wine, eating without anxiety after every meal, training when I feel like it, value my social life and are looking forward to the future. That, my friends, are worth so much more.
We are all worth so much more than what you see in the mirror (cliche) and I think we all know that, deep down. This is a safe space, open arms and a reminder that you are valued & loved for WHO you are and not HOW you look 🫶🏼