Space Squid

01/09/2024

Also, if you want to make SURE you get one of our limited run of our annual best-of-the-year full color print issue, aka ISSUE TWENTY, go to https://ko-fi.com/thespacesquid/commissions and preorder your copy. We're only printing 50 this year, and some of those have to go to our editors and writers.

Ko-fi Commissions Open! Click to see Space Squid's commission menu.

01/09/2024

Did you say you want ISSUE 20 T-SHIRTS?!?

As requested by NYT bestselling author Jack Conner... we've got new t-shirts to celebrate Space Squid issue 20 and ArmadilloCon Convention! Only $15 plus shipping at https://www.ebay.com/itm/335556300477 (note that we won't have any of these in stock at Armadillocon, but we'll have other shirts).

26/08/2024

Are you guys ready for a little bit of an ArmadilloCon Convention in Austin, Texas?
We might be getting there. This will be issue 20 of the Squid. Cover preview right here.

26/08/2024

There's an amazing new story from Squid favorite Kelly Luce (Pull Me Under, Three Scenarios in Which Hana Sasaki Grows a Tail) at our website! https://www.spacesquid.com/funny-stories/ugliest-girl-story/ Read it before it goes away!

Need funny stories 4 brainhole? Free scifi weird tales? Maybe some w**d scifi-horror? Read "The Ugliest Girl at Marcy’s Wedding Pavilion!"

31/05/2024

Anybody wanna be a movie extra at Willie Nelson's Spicewood ranch next week? Or at Austin city council? It's a movie about Austinites fighting back against greedy developers. Email [email protected] for details.

16/05/2024

New stories are live! https://www.spacesquid.com/funny-stories/nascent-magic/

Including a great tentacle-themed cartoon from 3x Bram Stoker-award winner Christina Sng.

And the stories? Funny stories 4 brainhole u need? Got 2 stories yes. One, bad summoning means weird growth. Two, bad egg means weird growth. Wootz!

Funny stories 4 brainhole u need? Got 2 stories yes. One, bad summoning means weird growth. Two, bad egg means weird growth. Wootz!

26/03/2024

I asked my Google dumb speaker to "play the most danceable songs you've got" and this was the very first song it queued up

Pink Floyd - Comfortably numbIt's obviously not my song , so i am not going to take any creds for it ..I know the song isn't from the dark side of the moon.I...

11/03/2024

I wrote this book with Nicky Drayden, it's about Austin and the upcoming eclipse. I would like you to buy it, which you need to do now, because maybe the sun won't come back after the eclipse (you can't prove that it won't), and this will help you to cope with that.

You too can own a copy of the first novella in the Deep Austin series (The Case of the Weird Carnivorous Sky). Now available as an ebook! You can get it for the special eclipse-themed price of $4.08 (get it?). How low is that price? It’s less than half the price of the cover charge […]

03/03/2024

New story is live! Read and enjoy free at https://www.spacesquid.com!

Fresh from the UK, we're pleased to present Mattia Ravasi's THE TROUBLE WITH SEMIANS. Here's a sample:

"I was on the bleeding edge of AI development for a while. I was part of the original team behind the Semians. We were just a bunch of literature students with good career prospects ahead of us, none of them intelligibly connected with what we’d been studying in our BAs and Masters – those soppy realist novels, tacky revenge tragedies, all the damned modernists. We were enamored with the idea, reeking of megalomania because it was born of insecurity, that we were the most highly skilled professionals in the world."

10/01/2024

A shoutout to our neighbor and friend, Meticulous Mae, who does Professional Home Organizing in Austin. If you're decluttering for the new year, check out on Insta...!

27/12/2023

New stories new stories new website!
So... we've done a facelift of the Space Squid website. We think the new site does a better job of introducing the mag to newbies.
New stories are up! We're calling this set OUR HIDDEN FANGS and it features two doozies. In Judith Field’s tale, monstrous roles lead to confusion, and in Ed Dearnley’s, a monstrous frenzy leads to blood-letting! Visit www.spacesquid.com !
And I forgot to share this story set from last month: https://www.spacesquid.com/featured-stories/root-command-and-much-more/
Please like and share if you love slimy scifi!

Are funny stories what your brain is craving? Meet Space Squid: your puny planet's best weird funny stories in the speculative space.

04/12/2023

Come to our puppet show Fri and Sat 8p! My short piece is called "Uprooted" and it details a titanic life-and-death struggle between... two opinionated office plants. See http://planted.wordpress.com :)
Tickets and details: https://events.humanitix.com/the-2023-austin-puppet-incident

The 2023 Austin Puppet Incident

21/07/2023

Our ride with a Cruise self driving car, accelerated. Summary: amusing, intriguing, confused. 45 mins to go 1.6 ATX miles. https://youtu.be/NCKSX6IUtjU some adult language 🙃

So Cruise is piloting its SDC services in our town, and we gave it a spin... high marks for overall road negotiation... much lower marks for efficiency and r...

14/07/2023

Relax by the poolside with our new flash fiction treats! We bring you Pamela Love's "The Case of the Stolen Slime," Tim McDaniel's "Teacher Evaluation Results," and Mark S Bailen's "The Uplift Candidate"... each delightful in its own way and so elegant and petite, sized perfectly for your next coffee break!

We also are featuring Jacki Moffa's "Playing Grubs," a winner from Armadillocon's first-ever writing contest that was held earlier this year! Whew!

Excerpt:

Three agonizing hours in the Paradise Lucky, the largest casino along the gold-plated boardwalk in the city of Tzkilth. It was decorated in dark greens and teals, and the air was warm with harnessed magic.

Three bloody hours. And still nothing.

“Come on.” Ageetha eyed the giant grub in the center of the table. It was bright purple, with spikes on its thorax. Odd. They didn’t grow like that naturally. She wondered how the casino stuck them on? Made a good gambler deterrent, though.

-----------

Read 'em free for a limited time at www.spacesquid.com !

Funny stories and award-winning weird tales! Need original scifi stories to daze your brain hole? No paywall or spam. Because funny fiction wants to be free.

15/05/2023

Have you read the new Squid story? "On Exactitude in Art" is the funniest censorship tale you'll see all year. We [BLEEP] swear it. https://www.spacesquid.com ‐ read it before it goes away!

Funny stories and award-winning weird tales! Need original scifi stories to daze your brain hole? No paywall or spam. Because funny fiction wants to be free.

13/04/2023

Just wanted to alert Austin-area writers to AFF's upcoming one-day "Texas Writers' Day Retreat" at Spiderwood Studios. Would love to do this but I'll be out of town.

In addition to an 8 day film festival and 4 day Conference, we offer Year Round Events, a Young Filmmakers Program, a TV show, Radio show, Podcast and more!

19/03/2023

X marks the spot.

Do you live near the paths of the 2023 or 2024 solar eclipses? Check NASA's new detailed maps of the best viewing areas in the U.S. to find out.

09/03/2023

FYI there's a new story up! "Sally's Immolation" at www.spacesquid.com !

Also we're sponsoring the first writing contest that ArmadilloCon (Austin's unique speculative fiction con for writers, readers, and publishers) has ever offered. The top three stories in this flash fiction contest (1000 words) will win:
- a lot of attention,
- probably recognition at the con in August,
- prizes from Space Squid (yay),
- and special consideration for publication in our raggedy e-pages.
The deadline is coming up fast, March 15.
https://armadillocon.org/d45/contest-submission-form/

The contest is only open to workshop student members of ArmadilloCon from 2017 through 2022. You may also join the contest by registering for this year's Writers' Workshop, which is a well-regarded experience for aspiring writers. We know a lot of our readers are Austin-area and/or ArmadilloCon alumni. For more info on this delightful con, check out this article: https://www.statesman.com/story/entertainment/books/2019/07/30/armadillocon-41-reminds-austin-sci-fi-fans-field-is-in-great-shape/4562636007/

In addition, there's this fun Austin gathering at which all are welcome. Please note that at this point we're not sure if any Squid editors will be able to attend (I can't) but the contest organizer and others will be there. "Contestants are invited to join ArmadilloCon fans and volunteers at a social on Thursday, March 16 at 7pm to celebrate the close of the contest. We will be meeting at Cosmic Coffee + Beer."

14/09/2022

Summer's dimming to a close, and it's time to toast the warmth with three mindbending, flashy shorts. Because summer is the season of flashy shorts.

These shorts are guaranteed to light up your day while complicating the coexistence of life. Please enjoy "I, Vermin," "Would You Like DNA With That?", and "Harem." https://www.spacesquid.com

Here's an excerpt from HAREM:

I had warned him: If he followed me, I would be his only wife.
Arkkh! he said.
Anguished.
But he followed me.
And, when he followed me, he left all of his wives, his vast harem of elephant seal females, behind on the rocks.
On his body there was a proud network of marks: a record of his entanglements with rival (but lesser) males; a bloody price paid--and paid again--for the acquisition of so many consorts.
Scars.
But he left them.
Because I was worth it.

Also, fyi, go here on Thurs to buy movie tickets for $3.55. Apparently good nationwide via NBC and Fandango.
https://www.nbc.com/quantum-leap/exclusives/quantum-leap-day

25/08/2022

Wake your brainhole -- there are some new wacky treats up for its enjoyment at Space Squid! No strings, no paywall! We're featuring two pieces:

1) Jen Mierisch's story "To the Highest Height," which documents an angle of human space exploration we hadn't thought of, involving a criminal pursuit of a sweet thing that you consider pretty commonplace.

2) Mikal Trimm's poem "Last Flight," in which we fly off into the wild blue yonder, and beyonder.

No paywall, no registration. We love u.

Please give them a spin at https://www.spacesquid.com/ ... and let us know what you think!

And the image? Any guesses?

Here's an excerpt of "Highest Height":
I squeezed into the circle to peer at the open box in Neb’s hand. It contained white tissue paper and a flat brown square. Its sweet smell was unfamiliar to me.

I gasped as I realized what the square must be. “Is that—”

“Chocolate!” Neb squealed. “Saros got it from some guy at school!”

Chocolate was contraband, of course. It had been illegal on Calyptra ever since scientists learned of its toxic effect on the local flora. Medicinal plants were Calyptra’s principal exports, and our government wasn’t about to jeopardize that cash cow. Its effects on the native fauna were not well studied, but apparently there had been some disturbing results there, too.

12/07/2022

Two new Squid stories are live! Free for your enjoyment. Please LIKE this post if you enjoy Space Squid stories!

Imagine this: 1) you're the famous Dunk witch and you're stalking the Man in the Hood before he wreaks havoc at the town's chicken-catch. Or this: 2) You're Garret, a recently deceased fellow who's got a special favor to ask of Jophiel (angel? demon?), the dude handling recalls in the afterlife.

Please give them a spin at https://www.spacesquid.com/ ... and let us know what you think!

Here's an excerpt:

The Man in the Hood tilted his head backwards as if waking from a deep trance. He might have been an attractive man, if it weren’t for his yellow eyes that burned with hatred, and the scar where his nose used to be. He drew a needle from the candle fire and jabbed it towards the doll’s heart.

“No!” shouted Rose. She hurled a bag towards him. It bounced off his nasal cavity and fell into the naked flame. She had just enough time to brace herself before the gold dust exploded.

A myriad of enchanted shellfish spiralled from the blast. They smashed against the walls, and shot fluorescent lights from their antennae. A pink beam ricocheted off a vanity mirror, blinding the Man in the Hood. He dropped the Mayor Doll into a pool of molluscs. Rose leapt forward to retrieve it, but tripped on an overweight rat, and smacked into an eerie pendulum clock.

The Man in the Hood drew a curved blade from his cloak. “Your entrails shall decorate my bread basket,” he hissed.

Do you want to be published by the Squid and join luminaries like Nicky Drayden (The Prey of Gods, Temper), Kelly Luce (Three Scenarios in Which Hana Sasaki Grows a Tail), Bruce Sterling (Holy Fire, Islands in the Net), Chris Roberson (Clockwork Storybook, Superman, iZombie), Jay Lake (John W. Campbell Award winner), Jennifer Pelland (Nebula nominee), Tony Millionaire (Maakies), Caroline M. Yoachim, and William Shakespeare? Well, wait until our next posting because we are currently CLOSED to submissions...!

Funny space and experimental fiction for all adults. Science fiction stories to astound your brain hole. Are you ready for your puny planet's finest?

16/06/2022

FYI... Groupon has a $25 deal on Austin Comic Con tickets for July. Let us know if you're going! https://www.groupon.com/deals/gl-greater-austin-comic-con-2022-1

28/05/2022

New story, free for your hungry bored eyeballs! In the grand tradition of Space Squid shaggy dog stories, here's a sprawling, cross-reality journey that will save humanity, from Oakland's jack-of-trades and former hobo Steve Brady. https://www.spacesquid.com/

YOUR PUNY PLANET'S FINEST SCIENCE FICTION SHORT STORIES

07/05/2022

Common squid leaving giant blobs of snot and young ones floating around... typical. https://www.livescience.com/gelatinous-blob-squid-egg-mystery-solved.html

Each blob could contain hundreds of thousands of squid eggs, a DNA analysis revealed.

06/05/2022

We're calling our new double-shot of funny sci-fi flash fiction HARD EDITS, and you'll soon see why. Okay, we'll tell you why.

In "Track Changes," a word processor documents some odd tonal changes to a news story with humanity-wide implications. And the macabre "Got legs?" takes us down a dark road of body modification.

Buckle up! You've got some hard edits ahead at https://www.spacesquid.com ...!

YOUR PUNY PLANET'S FINEST SCIENCE FICTION SHORT STORIES

23/04/2022

Are you familiar with the caganer tradition in Spain? The pooping figure in nativity scenes? Well, today, Space Squid brings you some great nerd caganers.

Princess Leia pooping: https://www.ebay.com/itm/255361022543?hash=item3b74b3fa4f:g:xogAAOSwAyhh7MMq
Spock: https://www.ebay.com/itm/255360971746?hash=item3b74b333e2:g:am4AAOSwbvJh7NCR
Yoda (with green poo): https://www.ebay.com/itm/255361020509?hash=item3b74b3f25d:g:yDQAAOSw9qRh7Mrx
And Sad Batman: https://www.ebay.com/itm/255361013195?hash=item3b74b3d5cb:g:hskAAOSwQ51h7NYJ

You're welcome!

CAGANER P**PING FIGURE FROM SPAIN.. THESE P**PING FIGURINES ARE CLAY HAND MADE AND HAND PAINTED SO THEREFORE EACH ONE HAS DIFFERENT P**P AND EACH HAS LITTLE FLAWS IN PAINT JOB … IF YOU ARE A SERIOUS COLLECTOR THIS IS A MUST ..BATMAN

25/03/2022

New stories are up! This time we're bringing you four delightful bite-sized treats for your fantastical brain. These trippy pieces should bend your consciousness in new and tasty ways. Free free free!

https://www.spacesquid.com/what-crisis/

An excerpt:

This thing came from Russia, like Tetris, vodka and cynical humour. One day nothing – the next, it’s all over chatrooms, the streets, the clubs. They say you hit the singularity when you’re on it: full interface between man and machine.

It’s a drug, right? And what a drug, what a drug. Once you drop, you got five minutes 'til you come up. While you’re waiting, hit the DarkNet. OnionWare is what you want. Then search for “Goznym: Leyla” and download.

By the time you’ve installed, you should be coming up. Feel every atom in your mind splitting.

Need internet scifi stories? Or maybe some whacked-out email from a tech exec who's lost it? Here's your tonic. Free scifi stories, baby.

25/03/2022

How to build an 8-foot squid pillow: https://build-a-diy.tumblr.com/post/60084351985/8-foot-giant-squid-pillow-youll-need-2-yards

Also, the new Team Feline cat t-shirts are out! https://www.spacesquid.com/downloads/cat-tshirt/

26/02/2022

ONCE UPON A TIME.....there was a hero, Ironfist the Eternal, son of a radioactive soldier, who was never defeated in any battle.
His brother, Dr. Steelhammer, was a professor and gold-medalist boxer who traveled across the ocean and fell in love with a movie star.
The brothers were world champions. But they never fought each other because they promised their mother they wouldn't.
And... Ironfist is the mayor of Kyiv, Ukraine, dead center in Putin's sights. Also known as Vitali Klitschko, boxing name "Dr. Ironfist"; named The Eternal by the WBC in 2016.
https://gamewriter.videogamewriter.com/game-writer/once-upon-a-time-in-kyiv/

Once upon a time, there was a giant hero, Ironfist the Eternal, the son of a radioactive soldier. A fighter by nature, he became a boxing champion and | game writer central

03/02/2022

Happy Valentine's, everyone! It may be frozen outside, but our hearts are warm with love for you, which we are expressing freely with this new story, Diana Rohlman's "Missed Connections."

No, it's not weird at all. What would make you ask that?!?

www.spacesquid.com

This story brought to you by the comic novel A PHILOSOPHER, A PSYCHOLOGIST, AND AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL WALK INTO A CHOCOLATE BAR. An independent activist and an office-temp-with-a-doctorate embark on a quest for a chocolate bar (a bar that serves chocolate, in all its deliciously decadent forms) and pick up a hitch-hiking extraterrestrial … A (way) off-the-beaten-path first-contact story. Available through Amazon https://www.amazon.com/philosopher-psychologist-extraterrestrial-walk-chocolate-ebook/dp/B07MF8PCL4/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=jass+richards+philosopher&qid=1633963076&sr=8-1 (and other online bookstores) and directly from Lacuna.

Special (gutbusting) in-story art by new associate editor Rowan McMullin.

YOUR PUNY PLANET'S FINEST SCIFI STORIES & HIJINKS