Date Me (2024)

27/07/2024

*Let's Look at This Scenarios*:

The judge asked the killer of former Egyptian President, Anwar Sadat, "Why did you kill Sadat?"

He said to him, "Because he is secular!"

The judge replied: "What does secular mean?"

The killer said: "I don't know!"

In the case of the attempted assassination of the late Egyptian writer, Naguib Mahfouz, the judge asked the man who stabbed Naguib Mahfouz, "Why did you stab him?"

The terrorist said: "Because of his novel - The children of our neighborhood."

The judge asked him: "Have you read this novel?"

The criminal said: "No!"

Another judge asked the terrorist who killed the Egyptian writer 'F***j Fara': "Why did you murder F***j Fouda?"

The terrorist replied: "Because he is unfaithful!"

The judge asked him: "How did you know he was unfaithful?"

The terrorist replied: "According to the books he wrote."

The judge said: "In which of his books did you know he is unfaithful?"

The Terrorist: "I haven't read his books!"

Judge: "How?"

The terrorist replied: "I can't read or write!"

Hate never spreads through knowledge. It always spreads through ignorance. This is how societies pay the price of ignorance.

Ignorance is the reason we hate others based on what we heard about them (In most cases without evidence) not what we know.

Please don't hate anyone because of what they told you about him or her.

Remember someone's enemy can be your helper.

18/07/2024

Inside life
3 GUYS, 3 DESTINIES, WASTED because of a woman.

As a charming Naija fine boy, with money and swag, attracting ladies will be like a magnet drawing metal filings - effortless and irresistible. Both young and old, single and married, would be captivated by your charisma and charm. And obviously would mind to get a piece of your cake.

Now let's add small six packs to the piece. Oga, even your own cousin will crush on you.

I knew 3 guys back in school. They were best friends with the same first name. Strang right? BabaTunde. People call the T-baj, T-square and T-cube and together they were called 3T.

Oh, these guys were handsome and relatively rich. Winning the most handsome men awards in their respective departments for three good years should tell you how far.

But guess what, these guys are ballers and shakers of anything in a skirt. Most guys in school always pray for them never to come near their babes. The sisters in churches were not $pared.

Once you see your babe with any of them, or visit their house, verily verily I say unto you, just br£ak up. The three of them have sl£pt with her. No exaggeration here. I was once a vict!m too.

This was before I became a friend to them.

I have followed them to a club before, and bouncers didn't allow us to enter because half of the ladies there, these guyz, had slept with them. And they usually cause unnecessary distraction. Like flaunting their packs and exposing their gigantic cucumber.

Here is what I don't like about them. There is no babe these guys would date that they will not pass around. It's like a mantra and a goal to them.

3T were the kings of our campus, with money, influence, and intellect to spare. Our hostel was a revolving door of beautiful women, and we indulged in our desires like ravenous wolves. But, our r£ckless behaviour soon caught up with us. We faced allegations of sleeping with our landlords' wives and daughters, and our hostel-hopping e$capades became the stuff of legend.

They were also good friends to the most sophisticated cul group on campus too. They were untouchable.

But, with great power comes great responsibility, and my friends, BabaTundes, aka T-baj, Tsquare, and T-cube, were about to learn this lesson the hard way.

Fast-forward to a crusade where I stumbled upon T-square, once a ladies' man, now a shadow of his former self, clutching a Bible like a lifeline. I introduced myself and we get talking. His story was a cautionary tale of how our actions can have devastating cons£quences.

T-baj brought a lady home as usual and after some rounds of s*x, the other friends acted as if they caught them and they used that opportunity to sleep with the lady. At first the lady didn't consented to it, but they drugged her.

Few days later, they heard the news that the lady had c0mmitt£d $uicid£. And that was where their problem started from.

T-bag was having s£x with his girlfriend, who was a daughter of a police officer. Unfortunately, the lady started convulsing in the middle of the night. He did everything to get help but was not successful. The lady died. He was arrested and charged with man$laughter.

T-cube was a successful banker. On the day of his wedding, they found him acting like a madman. Rumour has it that the lady he slept with the night before was a gh0st. He has been in a psychiatric hospital for 12 years.

T-square, the badde
£st of them all, became very rich after he inherited his father's wealth. He got married and was doing well for himself. Since most of his businesses were outside the country, he decided to relocate to Canada.

One morning, he found his friends at his door. And they told him they are taking a quick journey to Nigeria and will be back in a few days. They lured me back and I awoke to find myself in a h0rr0r movie - two d£ad b0dies beside me, and no memory of how I got there. The last thing I remembered was seeing them outside my house.

After fasting and intensive prayers in the pris0n, he found himself back to that same incident the day the lady di£d.

The mother cri£d bitt£rly and held the hand of the lady and laid a very powerful curs£ on whoever was responsible for the d£ath of her daughter.

The curs£ did not only alter their destiny, but render them us£less.

In the end, it was not our charm or wealth that defined us, but the consequences of our actions. They learned the hard way that some mistakes can haunt you forever, and that the past can be a merciless taskmaster. Our story serves as a warning: beware the company you keep, and the choices you make, for they can either build or destroy your destiny.

THE END.

Amusan Tolulope Writes

11/07/2024

Inside life
™️
I was just sitting outside my gate when Udege, my neighbor's son, ran to me with money in his hands and said.

"Uncle Praises. Uncle Praises. Papa John said you should help him and buy Garri from Mama Chichi's shop."

I was surprised.

I started wondering why Papa John would send me instead of the small boy. But because he is an elderly man, I collected the money and asked.

"Where is Papa John?"

He pointed to a distance. I saw the man standing at his gate which was quite far from me. We could both see each other but we couldn't hear each other because of the distance.

I immediately waved him.

He waved back.

That was how I stood up and went to buy the mudu of Garri, while Udege sat down and was waiting for me.

When I returned Udege stood up.

"Ehen, Uncle, you don buy am?"

"Yes."

I handed the change and the garri to him.

"Tell him it is now 1300 instead of 1200."

"Okay."

Udege carried the Garri to Papa John. I was watching as he walked to the gate. The moment he arrived, Papa John collected the Garri and knocked Udege's head. He nearly followed him with his walking stick.

I was watching.

He began to shout at him. I began to wonder what the problem was.

Then the old man waved me again and entered inside the house.

Udege cried and started walking towards me.

"Why did he knock you?"

"He knock me because, he send me and I come and send you?"

"He send you to buy Garri?"

"Yes."

"So you came and sent me to go and buy the Garri that he sent you to buy?"

"Yes."

I landed my own knock on his head and held his hands.

"Why did you send me?"

"Uncle, please. I wanted us to share the road. You go half and I will go half."

09/07/2024

Inside life
This morning

Me - (going to work)

Woman selling Eggroll - Heyyy brother Barnabas, good morning.

Me - Ahhh, good morning madam.

Woman - As you just dey pass, I say make I call you, make you no forget to buy buns and egg roll today.

Me - (laughs) Madam, you enh? You dey very business minded.

Woman - Thank you o. So how much own you want oga Barnabas?

Me - Give me egg roll, two. Shey it is 200 naira right?

Woman - Yes sir... (puts two egg rolls in nylon)

Me - How much is buns?

Woman - 50 naira for one.. Make I put buns?

Me - Uhmm, no, the two egg rolls are enough.. That's 400 naira right?

Woman - Yes oga Barnabas (hands me the nylon)

Me - (gives her 500 naira)

Woman - (gives me 100 naira change)

Her son - Good morning bro Barnabas.. Coman buy buns for me.

Woman - My friend will you shut up?!

Me - Ahh, madam, no dey shout for him head nau. Na small pickin.

Woman - I have told him not to he begging customers to buy him something.

Her son - (begins to cry)

Woman - Na wetin go make me beat you this morning you dey find

Me - Haba, madam, he is a baby... Oya fine boy take (hands him the 100 naira)

Her son - (collects it) Thank you bro Barnabas.

Me - Oya clean your eyes.

Her son - (cleans his eyes)

Me - Very good... (picks two buns and begins to eat as I walk away)

Her son -

09/07/2024

Inside life
Since my little cousin came to stay with me, I noticed he hardly ever leaves his room.

He would rather spend hours inside than hang out with the friends he made around the neighborhood.

If I didn’t know him so well, I might have suspected he was up to something shady, but I knew that wasn’t the case.

Anyways, I was relieved. The fact that a teenage boy was always indoors meant the possibility of him getting into trouble outside was very slim.

Until I came home one day and found him and his best friend in a heated argument. It seemed the friend wanted to stay the night, but my cousin refused.

I politely asked the friend to leave because I wasn't comfortable with him sleeping over. That's when things started to escalate.

One day, I was in the living room playing PES5 alone because my cousin preferred to stay in his room rather than join me. Suddenly, I heard a loud knock on the door.

I went and peeped and it was my beautiful neighbor that lives across our flat. Just opposite mine infact

I was surprised. Since she moved in I have been looking for an opportunity to get to know her better but she’s all this high maintenance girls, and the cars that usually picks and drops her off would pay my rent for life

Smiling, I opened the door but she was frowning. Immediately she started screaming that my cousin had been spying on her from his room and one of his friends just snitched on him because he wouldn’t let him peek too

Apparently, her windows were transparent, and she didn’t know all this while. According to her she’s always nak3d indoors, and my cousin had been watching her for free.

She said she would have gone to the landlord but she respected me and that’s why she’s reporting to me.

I shouted for my cousin, and when he came out, I pounced on him, slapp!ng him. She was now the one pleading and holding me back

Eventually I let go and she made me promise not to touch him again. I did and she left.

I turned to him, my eyes red with anger then I stormed inside his room, packed his bags and marched to my room where I dropped them on the ground

After all I’ve done for this boy, how can he betray me like this!

Anyway, I’ve packed my bags and moved to his room. I’m occupying it until further notice.

Yes, It’s my turn now, and I hope she doesn’t change the windows until I’ve seen my fill too.

This stup!d boy has been enjoying this view for months and didn’t tell me. No wonder he never leaves the room or allowed his friend to sleep over.

Greedy bascard!

The End

Ajebo Writer

©️Kingdavid Chinaeke Ofunne

08/07/2024

Inside life
My mom called one day and told me Rebecca came home asking for me. I dated Rebecca when I was in SHS. That kind of dating all your friends and family know about but actually nothing goes on, yeah that was how we dated. She was my girlfriend but we never hugged or held hands. After school, she moved out of town and I also did.

She took my number from my mom so that very night she called. We were on the phone like forever, talking about childhood, life and where the wind blew us. She was living in Kumasi and coincidentally, I was living in Kumasi too. We planned to meet whenever she came back to Kumasi.

Days later, we met in town, had fun, and went our separate ways. On our third date, emotions took over and we started getting touchy. She whispered, "We can go to your place or mine, I don't mind." Her place was closer so we ended up in her bed.

The first knock sounded far away. The second one was loud enough to make me realize someone was knocking. The third knock nearly broke the door. A thunderous voice screamed from the outside; "Herh Becky, I swear today you're dead. Open the door." By this time she was awake. I asked who he was and she chuckled, "My boyfriend. Don't mind him," she answered.

"Ah, your boyfriend and I shouldn't mind him?"

I quickly dressed up while she was still in bed not saying anything. The guy kept screaming, "Who's there with you? Open the door before I break it down."

She was still lying there while I was shivering and confused. She screamed back, "If you don't leave there, I swear you'll regret the day you were born." She looked at me, "Are you scared? Don't worry he's a nobody..."

She opened the door and immediately the guy entered, I rushed out of the room and took to my heels. She lived in a new site, in a house where there were no other tenants. While running, I thought to myself, "What if the guy does something crazy to her? Why didn't I stay and do something?"

I stopped and ran back. When I got to the compound, the whole place was quiet. I got scared. I screamed her name and she answered. She came out with a smile. "I'm good. Why did you come back?" She asked. "Where's he," I asked.

She took me inside, and I saw the guy on the floor snoring loudly. It didn't look like all was well. It was too quick for a guy his size to switch from anger to sleeping. "What did you do to him?" I asked. She answered, "I told you he's a nobody. I took care of him."

He was alive because he was snoring but as to what she did to him, she never told me. Days later she asked if we could hang out again. I answered, "I'm sorry. I'm out of Kumasi. I'll call when I return in weeks later."

I don't know where she is now but once in a while, she comes to mind. And her boyfriend too. I still ask myself, "What did she do to him?"

06/07/2024

Inside life
He proposed to her immediately after their final defence in school, and she declined his proposal.

He was so hurt to the marrow, he wished he got a different answer.

Jane has been his close Paddy right from year one, they had so much in common, including their passion for Chemical Engineering, which happened to be the course they were studying in school.

He had nursed the plan to propose to her since their third year, but he was scàred of being r3jected.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, yet, he couldn't spill the beans. He felt it wasn't the right time to do so, since they were still in school.

That was why he waited till their day of defence, before he popped the big question.

“I'm sorry Ben, but I can't marry you. I know we are good friends and I appreciate you a lot, but the truth is that I can't wait for you.

I am currently 27 years old and you are 29 years. We just graduated from school and I know you have no means of income at the moment.

I believe the best you can do right now is to find a good paying job and build your wealth to some extent, so that you can at least see the money you will use to pay your wife's Bride Price and settle other necessary expenses." She had told her.

Ben was deeply hûrt, but he perfectly understood the point she was trying to make. He wasn't ready financially and he knows it.

It will take him close to 3 years to get settled and ready for marriage, and he wouldn't want to keep her waiting.

He accepted the response in good fate, and then, they both went their separate ways.

A few years later, Ben was still struggling to stand on his feet. It was almost 4 years after graduation, yet he had nothing to show for his years of labóur.

Luck seemed to smile on him the day he saw an advert for an entry position in an oil company. He couldn't contain his joy. His credentials were enough to get him the job.

He immediately put up his resumè, arranged his CV and applied online.

On the day of the interview, he woke up earlier than usual, put everything in order and went to the venue as soon as possible.

When he got there, he was shockèd. There were over 100 persons who applied for the same position. They had all come for the interview.

He became discouraged. “How can I be the chosen one over these multitude?" He questioned himself.

He found a corner by the reception and attached himself there, as he awaited what would become of him.

“Oh Lord, please don't let me down. You assured me of this job, and I know you will perfect your work." He prayed.

Just then, he sighted an elegant lady walking into the CEO's office. The face was so familiar. He searched his brain to figure out where he had met her before.

“Jane!" He shouted. And then, realized himself. It was already late.

The woman looked behind and saw him.

“Benny!" She shouted excitedly. That was the name she called him back then.

It was the same Jane. His Jane. No! His Jane before!

They hugged and then expressed a huge surprise over each other's growth and changes.

“Things haven't been easy after our graduation. I have been seeking a job. I just learnt of this position and I came to apply." He confessed.

And then, he asked, “You, what are you doing here?"

She smiled, and said, “Actually, my husband is the owner of the company. I came around to help him conduct the interview since it has to do with my subject area."

“Don't worry! This job is yours! I have told my husband a lot about you. How you were there for me during our school days, how you never took advantage of me sèxually, even when you had the opportunity to. How you helped me to become the bold woman that I am today.

He has been praying to meet you, and appreciate you for being a great guy. I am sure he will be glad to....

“Honey. You are here. Welcome my love, please come inside." A voice cut in.

It was Jane's husband. She hugged him and gave him a knowing look, and said, “I know you have missed me. I am here jooooor."

“Baibe, who is he? His face looks familiar. I think I have seen his picture on your phone before... Wait ... Ben?" He asked.

“Yes Lovey. The one I have been telling you about." The wife explained.

He was so happy. They exchanged a handshake. And then, he led him to his office.

“Listen man, my wife has told me a lot about you. And from what she said, I am sorry but I won't give you this job. You can't serve in this position." He expressed.

There's a better place for you.

Henceforth, you will work as the new MD of this company. The previous one will be traveling out of the country in a few days time.

There is no better person to give this position than someone like you with a good track record. Congratulations to you!" He pronounced.

The future is pregnant. What it carries is unpredictable. Live in such a way that your future will be proud of your past.

Your marriage will thrive 🌹🌹🌹

06/07/2024

18 COSTLY MISTAKES THAT HUSBANDS MAKE

1. WORKING SO HARD AT YOUR JOB/BUSINESS BUT NOT IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Men, your company, your career, your business is growing and flourishing because you lead it; your marriage will grow and flourish when you lead it and dedicate time to it

2. THINKING THAT FLIRTING WITH OTHER WOMEN IS NOT CHEATING
You may not physically sleep with other women but emotionally cheating is also unfaithfulness. Receiving n**e images and having phone s*x with other women is also cheating. Talking suggestively and attracting temptations is also cheating. If you are a flirt, flirt with your wife. If you claim your wife is too rigid, treat her well and she will respond to your kinky ways. She also wants s*xual pleasure and to feel wanted

3. BEING GENEROUS OUTSIDE AND STINGY AT HOME
Don't be the husband who quickly says yes when other people ask for help, for your time and your money; but stingy to your wife and child/children. Your family comes first. Don't go to harambees contributing large sums, helping out people because you want to have a good public image yet to your family you deprive and deny

4. THINKING THAT SHOWING LOVE IS AN UNMANLY THING
When you were dating and courting you were romantic and thoughtful; but now that you are married you wrongly think showing love is beneath you. If you truly love your wife, tell her, she needs to hear it. Warm her heart. Romance her. Date your wife. Her being a wife doesn't mean she doesn't need to feel loved. Real men show their love. God is a loving God. If God doesn't find showing love as something beneath Him, who are you to shun showing affection yet you are created in the image of God?

5. THROWING MONEY AND GIFTS AT PROBLEMS
When your wife and kids get concerned about you spending much time away from home, when you are told you are not doing what you are supposed to; change, improve. Don't throw money and gifts at them to silence them. They want your time and presence, not lifeless things
6. ADMIRING OTHER WOMEN MORE THAN YOUR WIFE
If you find other women better looking than your wife, work on your wife. Nourish her with compliments, buy her clothes you think she'd look good in, take her shopping, pamper her, love her up till she glows. Go to the gym with her. Jog with her

7. WASTING YOUR FAMILY MONEY ON MEANINGLESS THINGS
Stop wasting your family money on alcohol, drugs, prostitutes, st*****rs, addictions. Invest that money in your family, the future of your child/children. Even if you are a super wealthy man, you can find other ways to have fun that contributes positively to your family life. You can channel your money into more honourable things like supporting your parents, your siblings, the less fortunate, the needs of society. You don't have to be unfaithful and reckless just because you have lots of money

8. JUSTIFYING PO*******HY
Po*******hy is lusting after other women on videos and images. This is actually cheating because you are desiring other women not your wife. This also lays the ground for future acts of unfaithfulness. Because you see no harm desiring strange women on videos and pictures, soon you will see no harm desiring women in the streets, at work, in your neighbourhood; then you might actually sleep with another woman

9. THINKING THAT BEING THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY MEANS BEING A DICTATOR
This is what makes some husbands to beat up their wives, abuse them, sit on them and hinder their progress. Your wife is not your junior but your partner, she is one with you. Hurting her is hurting you. She is not your competitor, celebrate her progress. Being head doesn't mean your word is law or that you treat your wife as a slave. In fact, because you are the head you should serve more, give more and humble yourself to make sure your wife and child/children are doing well

10. IGNORING YOUR WIFE'S ADVICE
Don't hide things from your wife. Engage her in making family decisions, you are stronger when you move as a team. Your wife has sharp instincts and she will help you navigate through life's issues

11. BEING TOO PROUD TO SAY SORRY OR TO LISTEN
You are capable of doing wrong, when you do wrong, admit it. Problems don't get solved when you deny them. You are not perfect. Learn to say sorry to your wife and child/children. By refusing to say sorry, you are showing your wife you are insensitive and that will hurt her and damage the mood at home. Sometimes all a woman needs is for you to say "I am sorry". Be open to learn and to be corrected. Far too many men are ruining their homes because of pride

12. ABDICATING YOUR SPIRITUAL ROLE
You are to lead your family, even spiritually. Don't neglect this role and leave it for your wife alone. Your wife needs your prayers, she needs you to walk with her in God. Your child/children need to see you living for God, praying, teaching them about God. You say you want a Godly household, well, be an actively Godly husband and father

13. TAKING YOUR JOB TITLE HOME
Whether you are a C.E.O, Manager, Director or an award winning professional, once you get home or when with your wife and family, put away your title. Play your role as husband and father. Don't treat your wife and children like subordinates lording over them. The home is a place of love, not a place for orders, restrictions, pressure and intimidation

14. HIDING YOUR FAILURES
Incase things don't go well, you get fired, you get retrenched, you make a bad decision; share it with your wife, don't hide it trying to project a fake image of 'Everything is alright'. Your wife is there for you, she will walk with you. Share with her your weaknesses and failures. Love will always win

15. WORRYING MORE ABOUT WHAT YOUR MALE FRIENDS OR PARENTS THINK THAN PLEASING YOUR FAMILY
Don't let your friends or parents run your marriage. Don't make your friends negatively influence you by mocking you that you are being sat on by your wife or wrongly advice you to be tough on your wife just to prove you are man enough. A true friend is a friend to your marriage. Your parents might mean well but might drive a wedge between you and your wife. You left your father and mother to be one with your wife. Defend your home

16. DON'T BE SEXUALLY SELFISH
Your wife has s*xual needs too. Don't s*x her, get your cm then sleep or leave her hanging. Satisfy her s*xually. Lick her, touch her, kiss her, massage her, suck her ni***es, explore her body, make her sweat, make her tremble, make her feel all the s*xual sensations possible. She is faithful to you, no other man has the chance to do this so do it well. Satisfy her and she will satisfy you. It is your role to make her wet and well fed s*xually. A s*xed-up wife is a happy wife and makes a happy home. Make love to her

17. DON'T LET HER BE THE PARENT ALONE
When she gets pregnant, don't abandon her. Walk with her as she carries your child. After birth, be pro-active in teaching, mentoring and guiding your child/children. Stop the nonsense of when the child does wrong, the child is your wife's; when the child does well, you are a proud father

18. FAILING TO PREPARE YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN FOR YOUR SUCCESSION
When you start a business, involve your child/children. Let your wife know of your properties, assets and ventures. Prepare your children's future. Write a will. Share information, don't keep things in the dark. Too much unnecessary confusion plagues families because of lack of preparation in your marriage.

03/07/2024

🤗😅😅😍
1) Sister if i toast you, your duty is to say YES or NO which one is " what of your gf? U wan poison her?🙄

2)My friend thought hiding his relationship was the best decision Now he can't find it 😂*

3)Are you in a serious relationship or you're the one taking it serious?*🤣

4)2 mins into a relationship and I can confidently say relationships are overrated.😂😂* 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

5)It is cold here in UAR* 🥶

*I miss Nigeria 😩*

6)Pls where can i get Garri here in Canada ?*🤣

7) When we virgins are h***y 😩
We shout "Holy ghost fire" 3 times and then drink 2 cups of water

8)IN *Nigeria*
When a lady enter a guy's room,and 9mins later you hear loud music.
Just know they have started playing Ludo🎲!!!!😂😂😂

9) At times I sit down, keep quiet, talk to myself, think deeply, think again, wonder, imagine, and ask why you are still reading this🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓

10)My dear, I said *I love you* I didn't say *I won't cheat on you~*🥴
😹😹😹
~Poor listening skill~
💔😹😹
11)Yesterday wire shock me* 😫😫
*My parents gave me milk and malt Today I am going to transformer 🤣*
🤣🤣🤣😋😋😋😋

12) What is the perfect example of both Good and Bad Luck?
The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)
But at the same time, dust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

13) Sometimes I just want to be alone 😪

Especially after cooking indomie and egg😌😋

14) My future Wife will enjoy ! My future Wife will enjoy!

But hunger is killing your current girlfriend 🤣🤣🤣

15)Most ladies don't answer video calls after 9pm bcos their FACE have been restored back to FACTORY SETTINGS*. 🤣🤣🤣

16)I think Jesus is vexing for Nigeria. Think about it, when last did Jesus send us WhatsApp message to forward to 15 people* 😂😂😂

17) Imagine u act as dead during an arm robbery attack and you hear this "Shoot everyone again "
😂😂😂 that moment ur urine alone can flood the whole of West

03/07/2024

Inside life
***
I was returning from a function yesterday evening when I was suddenly caught up in traffic. I was the only passenger in this taxi, and I sat behind the driver.

Moments later and a lady joined me behind. Our cab was now barely crawling.

"Brother, can I please make use of your phone?" The lady turned to me "Am trying to reach my boyfriend"

I glanced at her and then turned to my phone.

"No wahala" I said, passing her the mobile "Though I don't have plenty airtime''

She collected the phone amidst words of gratitude and soon began tapping on the screen. I was now looking out the window.

After punching in the number, she dailed the first and second time but the receiver didn't pick. It was her third attempt that actually came out successful.

"Helloooooooo" I heard her speak into the phone "My sweetheart... Odogwu nwoke... Baby boy for life..."

She used two whole minutes to hail whosoever she was speaking to before finally introducing herself. And before I could say 'jack', six minutes were gone.

I was now wondering how she was able to speak that long with so little airtime. I was beginning to think maybe I had some bonus airtime I didn't know about.

While in my thoughts, she was still speaking. Eight minutes had passed already.

"Baby, I will have to leave now so I can return the phone" I heard her say "Can you please end the call?"

"I can't hangup on my baby naw" I heard the receiver voice "I think you should end it"

Right in my presence, these two wereys were just going back and forth, debating on who to end the call. I had to angrily retrieve back my phone from her and end the call myself.

"Brother, please don't be angry o" She began to plead "That my boyfriend can be annoying sometimes...''

"Make motor jam you and that your boyfriend!" I said inaudibly as I proceeded to check my airtime balance.

Just then she alighted and paid for her fare.

I was still trying to check my airtime balance when a message dropped in my phone. It was from my network provider.

"DEAR CUSTOMER, YOUR LOAN REQUEST WAS SUCCESSFUL... YOU WILL BE CHARGED ON YOUR NEXT RECHARGE"

I quickly checked my balance again, only to discover this lady had borrowed 1.5k before making the call. No wonder she had been speaking nonstop.

"Driver! abeg help me pursue that girl" I said, pointing through the windscreen

"Which girl be that?" The driver asked surprised

"That girl wey just drop now now" I replied "Wey keep nyash like baby kangaroo..."

Úncle Nnamdi wrote it ✍️

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