The University of Pennsylvania's only funny satirical publication. Est. 1899
“the goal is to ensure (his) students are totally insufferable along multiple dimensions. Not only because they are Wharton students but also because they parade around their ‘outside’ interests in a belief it makes them niche”
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With Valentine’s Day coming up, we know some of you could use this. Find your other half at datamatch.me! 😘💌♥️🌹
Happy thanksgiving!! To all of our alumni, we’re so thankful to have this club to bring us together and make people laugh 🍗🐔🧡 With love and laughter, your Editors!
💍✋‼️ 69 PENN-SPECIFIC ROMANCE TROPES FOR A BELATED VALENTINES DAY ‼️🥵💦
Tag your friends!
DATAMATCH CLOSES AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT!!!! fill it out if you’re cool, sexy, hot, and/or hilarious. link in bio.
Ben Franklin can have someone to sit with on the bench!
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"Just look at our skin," said Dr. Progresso Greene, Lauder's Faculty Director. "We're freaking immortal!"
Lauder College House is finally choosing a mascot of their own: a giant anthropomorphic bottle of Estée Lauder anti-wrinkle serum.
"The Homecoming protest was a welcome wake-up call," Magill said. "These students know that avoiding an apocalypse and providing a healthy future for their children is all about what we do today to protect our sports."
"These students know that providing a healthy future for their children is all about what we do today to protect our sports."
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️Happy ! Gutmann wants to remind you that 🌈
Philadelphia announced it is reinstating its mask mandate. Philadelphians can choose between surgical masks, KN95s, or full Gritty heads.
Our Resident Kentucky Correspondent breaks down your biggest misconceptions about the Bluegrass State.
https://pennpunchbowl.com/2022/02/23/kentucky-common-questions/
As one of a handful of Penn students from Kentucky, I get lots of questions. I've answered the most interesting ones.
💋 Jing Jing Piriyalertsak reports: "Taylor Swift’s 'Red' is about struggling at Penn" ❤️
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/11/12/taylor-swifts-red-album-as-penn-struggles/
Taylor calls the re-recorded Red her “only true breakup album,” and I completely agree— it's about how we all have a toxic relationship with Penn.
midterm season really has us considering number 35.
https://t.co/6cETdSlWEO?amp=1
Good Tuesday
Figure out how to use PennInTouch in 15 minutes? Actually, there's probably not enough time for that mission.
: it's Sunday night, and you left your paper to the last minute, so you're pulling an . 🧑🏻💻
(Article by Jing Jing Piriyalertsak)
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/28/all-nighter-playlist/
It's Sunday night, and you left your paper to the last minute, so you're pulling an all-nighter. You might as well do so with superior music taste.
"Her hair isn’t, 'sapphic short,' but, 'list-of-regions-Gary-Johnson-remembers short.'"
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/27/le***an-crush-libertarian/
And that's when it hits you. Her hair isn't, "le***an short," but, "list-of-regions-Gary-Johnson-remembers short." It's Atlas's turn to talk.
📚 From the Loud-Ass Gossip Girl to the Not-So Nerdy Introvert, Brittany Anderson reveals the six types of people you meet at Van Pelt Library 📚
https://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/26/6-people-van-pelt-library/
You've probably seen every corner of the Van Pelt building, but it's time to discuss a more sinister element: the people who are in the library.
🦑 Love ? Our very own Chardonnay Needler reports on Penn's new Snake Games: 🐍🐍🐍
https://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/25/penn-squid-game-snake/
There's always some horrifying plot twist about your crush that you can't prepare yourself for...we'll take it from here.
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/19/crush-hot-smart-catch/
Your crush has a jawline carved by God and the career plans of someone who might actually make money one day. But there’s just one catch 50 major problems… He uses too 🤪😉 many 🥵🥴 emojis. 🍆🤡 She writes “p*nn” in her Twitter bio. They still drink milk every morning. 🥛 His ...
"I'm very disappointed to see Penn lose to a school represented by a beer keg," President Gutmann said.
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/08/gutmann-disbands-penn-football-team/
"I'm very disappointed to see Penn lose a football game to Dartmouth: a school represented by a beer keg," President Amy Gutmann said.
👀 Somehow it didn't take us ~132 years~ to figure it out *cough cough*
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/07/punch-bowl-already-inclusive-all-genders%EF%BF%BC/
Storied satire magazine has already allowed participation and membership to all genders for most of the years in its 122-year history.
There's a lot more than meets the eye to New College House West, a.k.a. Elon-Musk's-Vacation-Home-style dorm with a boring-ass coffee bar. http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/10/05/not-know-new-college-house-west/
There's a lot more than meets the eye to New College House West, a.k.a. Elon-Musk's-Vacation-Home-style dorm with a boring-ass coffee bar.
Erika Ravitch has great news: Penn Student Agencies is launching a program to go to in-person classes without ever leaving your couch!
http://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/09/30/penn-student-agencies-couch-class-program/
The PSA CEO sat down (on the couch) with us to discuss their newest product: a revival of the comfort and minor laziness of classes in quarantine.
Let's just say we have beef.
pennpunchbowl.com/2021/09/29/kings-hell-philadelphia-parking-authority/
Who are you again, Philadelphia Parking Authority? I’ve only had you creep from the shadows and slowly start to chip away at my life.
We’re down to a pathetic NINTH ranking? To make ourselves feel better as we cry into our reusable dining hall containers, we have 30 reasons for this catastrophe:
https://pennpunchbowl.com/2021/09/24/penn-ninth-ranking-forbes/
To make ourselves feel better as we cry into our reusable dining hall containers, our staff has drafted a list of reasons for our ranking.
We have a big announcement...
😱 We're now mailing hard copies of our magazines. 😱
ORDER FORM HERE: https://forms.gle/JLgooL253NuNqF9CA
Yes. That's right. Hard copies. On your doorstep (or in your P.O. Box). No longer will you have to sob in front of your computer as you lament, "Gah, if only I could have a print copy of this comedic gold!"
$10: a copy of our latest issue 📫
$25: one-year subscription for 2021-2022 🗓
$50: one-year subscription, plus 3 limited-batch issues 📚
> $50: we'll add in a surprise of our choosing 🤫
Thanks to your generous support, we will have the resources to promote our content, sponsor campus events, and squeeze into one of President Gutmann's oversized suitcases on her flight to Berlin.
Feel free to email us with any questions, comments, winning lottery numbers, etc. We look forward to hearing from you!
The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl is very grateful for your subscription! Thanks to your generous support, we will have the resources to promote our content, sponsor campus events, and squeeze into one of President Gutmann's oversized suitcases on her flight to Berlin. If you are a current Penn student, y...
🐠 what a catch 🐠
model: Jing Jing Piriyalertsak
😂 😂
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