16/08/2024
“Monetize” is out now everywhere!
This one was quite a blast to make. Lots of different sections and interludes. The hope is that it showcases the spirit I had while making it. Picture a kid in his room jamming and layering instrument after instrument to make some weird amalgamation of sound in hopes to express my ever growing anxiety regarding “growing up” and beginning to see the depressing grip money tends to have on folks. Fun times! Experiencing the feelings of trying to keep up with the latest trends and spending more than necessary. Doom scrolling and feeling “behind”. Chasing algorithms. Chasing perfection, or perhaps perceived perfection. It’s never enough.
To be honest, I spiraled real bad this year. I’ve always had a strong work ethic and drive, but it manifested into something that I could no longer control. I became manic. When you get into this sort of perfectionist state, its just never enough. Not only did I want people to mess with what I was doing and be perceived as talented, I wanted to be the “best”. I wanted to be a “genius”. A creative machine that has no limits and can work non stop. It was to the point where I convinced myself “when I'm awake I am making music.” I was chained to upholding a narrative that is just so ridiculous.
It’s exhausting and it’s not what life’s about. I got off track there, and everyday I'm fighting to make sure I stay honest. With that said, you won’t see me chasing anymore. I've always been reluctant to it anyways, but not immune. Still aren't, but I'm trying. I've come to realize I have everything I could ever want. I don't care how many streams I get or followers or views. God has blessed me with some incredible gifts, I recognize that, and I'm not going to stress out about if I'll “make it” or not. He's in control, and whatever He has planned for me I'm down for. I don't want fame or money. I want to live my life, love my family, and love my beautiful Jess.
If anyone read this, yikes bro. But thanks. I'm just trying to be honest and share some of my thoughts. I probably won't come back on here for awhile but know I'm still working on something or other. It may come out, it may not!
Love,
Carter
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