07/04/2024
For years, I've had the Emily Dickinson quote "I'm nobody - who are you?" on my profile here. Today I got an email from Christopher Titmuss's list serv addressed to musicians that captures why.
He recommends 5 practical steps to handling the stress that can come along with performing music, and of special interest to me are #2 - "Develop interest in other formations of the self - house cleaner, shopper, friends, family, pilgrimages to the coffee shop, park, trees" - and #5 "Regard everything you do during the day as important as playing the piano."
He goes on to say that "This is the preparation so the role of the musician shrinks in size ... When the view of the self matters less, and your view of the audience, including musicians with whom you play, shrinks, you can experience the full engagement with the art of playing. The playing matters - not the player, nor the listeners, nor colleagues."
Rather than a moral position, to me this is self protection from the trouble I've seen in myself and other musical peers, which can be weirdly acute at times. (Think Chris Bell frantically erasing the master tapes to the first Big Star record after it tanked at the box office.)
The ego highs and lows that come from others regard or lack of interest or disregard of things we musicians do are inherently unstable and can make you feel unstable if you identify with them. Putting those experiences on the same level of importance as non-musical experiences has been a big help to me when I've been able to do it. That's why I rarely mention what I do as a musician in my daily life as a schoolteacher, and why I appreciate the general lack of interest students have in my musical life.