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Colonel Failure Conversation with Colonel Failure, erratic builder of videogame YouTube videos.

Here's a swifty update on the shipping process.Can't be bothered clicking? Two/thirds done by tomorrow. Remainder on Mon...
14/12/2023

Here's a swifty update on the shipping process.

Can't be bothered clicking? Two/thirds done by tomorrow. Remainder on Monday. High levels of optimism for delivery before end of next week.

Morning, all!A brief update as, clearly, the original schedule was laughably inaccurate. Next time I do this (who am I kidding, of course there'll be a next time) I'll make it laughabily inaccurate going the other way.At the time of writing (midday local) 80 copies have been shipped. By the end of t...

08/12/2023

Attention: VuvuBook orderers.

CHECK YOUR EMAIL.

(If you already replied in the past day, or are in the UK, you're golden.)

Please read this update if you've ordered a VuvuBook. It's a good news, bad news kinda thing. Happy to answer any questi...
29/11/2023

Please read this update if you've ordered a VuvuBook. It's a good news, bad news kinda thing. Happy to answer any questions:

Hello, VuvuBook fanciers. Progress report:- Book production is underway. Expecting delivery next week, along with all the packaging and gubbins required to make the magic happen.- I'll update when the time comes to give an ETA, but my aim is to have everything shipped by Friday 8th. Monday 11th Dece...

Taking a flight soon? You need only hope I'll be the one "servicing" your plane.
21/11/2023

Taking a flight soon? You need only hope I'll be the one "servicing" your plane.

It's a game where you play all the ground crew roles at the airport. I'm great at all of them. ALL OF THEM. And I didn't need a single tutorial t...

Well hello there, what's this streaming on a Thursday business then? That's right, space friends, I'm taking to the inte...
16/11/2023

Well hello there, what's this streaming on a Thursday business then? That's right, space friends, I'm taking to the internet to give you an introduction to Star Trek Fleet Command. I say you, I mean me as well. It's going to be exciting, I've no idea what to expect! Usual start time, if you're at a loose end, maybe you'll activate your transporter beam and end up on my bridge.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7P9OUaeA1ZE

Look, that's the best I can offer.

Join the crew of the brand new (slightly used) battle station, "Crampons" as we do battle against nefarious B-grade alien species while playing nice with our...

Hello there, book pre-orderers or pre-order-considerers. There's a status update over on what could laughably be called ...
16/11/2023

Hello there, book pre-orderers or pre-order-considerers. There's a status update over on what could laughably be called The Blog, and it includes a new sneak peek, albeit of one of the less wordsy pages.

Anyway, if you're not fussed about that and just want the news, I'm aiming to go to print in the next couple of days which will work out just great providing there isn't a late surge in orders. If there is a late surge in orders, it'll still work out great but I won't be ahead of schedule, I'll be on schedule.

Blog here for blog enjoyers.

Hello there, future VuvuBook reader. I now have a solid estimate of the number of books that will be needed and I'm around 16 work hours from being ready to go to print. What does this mean? It means the print order will be submitted ahead of schedule, meaning that I'll get the books in ahead of sch...

09/11/2023

I wasn't sure when I'd get around to editing this month's gripping Farming Simulator update, but I've done it, and I reckon it's better than it has any right to be.

That's your Thursday evening entertainment burst awaiting your attention later today.

That feeling you have while putting a book together. That "are you sure the font is large enough to read?" thought you'v...
31/10/2023

That feeling you have while putting a book together. That "are you sure the font is large enough to read?" thought you've been ignoring. You get to final editing and layout, and decide to print off a few test pages just to silence that thought.

You discover the thought was on the money all along.

This is not going to be a quick fix.

Won't be a video today. I opened the storeroom door and got buried under a mountain of these...Normal service returns to...
24/10/2023

Won't be a video today. I opened the storeroom door and got buried under a mountain of these...

Normal service returns tomorrow.

How's the book coming along?
20/10/2023

How's the book coming along?

02/10/2023

Been a while, but that'll be the sound of the woodchipper firing up.

Space! Danger! Strangely behaving software! It's Jumplight Odyssey.
18/08/2023

Space! Danger! Strangely behaving software! It's Jumplight Odyssey.

Take FTL, give it a lot more depth and cover it in the kind of stylings found in anime classics like Battle of the Planets and you get Jumplight Odyssey. The...

Hey you! I wrote a Battle Plan. It's in the usual places.CF
08/08/2023

Hey you!

I wrote a Battle Plan. It's in the usual places.

CF

Step 1: remember that 30 years ago I used to skateStep 2 : get better than I was thenStep 3 ...Step 4 : Rollerball
06/07/2023

Step 1: remember that 30 years ago I used to skate
Step 2 : get better than I was then
Step 3 ...
Step 4 : Rollerball



Questions?
02/07/2023

Questions?

29/06/2023

This is entirely the wrong day for a Battle Plan, so I give you three choices:

1 - Read the Battle Plan now, but write a quick note to yourself before doing so to ensure that you don't forget what day of the week it is.
2 - Wait until next Tuesday and read it then having written a note to yourself to remind you that it's now a few days out of date.
3 - Stuff the note, just chance it.

Good, that's that out of the way.

It's been a little while since I've addressed you directly, as there have been a few odds and ends to deal with that have disrupted the normal flow of things. Obviously, kicking it on a beach for my 50th is part of that (thanks for the birthday greetings, much appreciated) but before then was the great Farming Sim experiment. Now, I go into considerable detail on that topic in June's Colonel Reduced (the Fail Brigade vlog, it's really interesting if you find such things interesting) but let me give you the TL;DR version.

The hypotheses being tested were:
- Is it possible to crack into the sizable Farming Simulator viewership by offering something that isn't offered elsewhere?
- How much impact does the release of a new video have on the preceding one? Does it cannibalise the previous video's traction?
- Will shorter-form, more heavily edited videos have a postive impact on our old pal, the algorithm?

In order to test these notions I'd committed myself to a full series without losing my nerve if it didn't seem to be working. So... results?

Grabbing some Farm Sim people? Pretty small uptake. It'd take 6-12 months of being dedicated to the cause to become properly established and frankly, I've too many other interests to dive into one thing. And then, even if I did, I'd move on and lose what interest had been built up. Seemds a little daft.

Does one video take a dive if you release another one soon after? Maybe very very slightly. Not so much that that it's worth taking that approach unless...
..heavily editing videos makes all the difference? Well, I'll be honest. Part of the reason for the editing was so that I had a series I felt came closer to "getting it right". I wouldn't say that every episode nailed it, and the time/results ratio really didn't make any sense, but it was great to be able to take just a little longer over each episode to find the funny. I think it went too far into post-production (from a commentary perspective) but there are at least half a dozen moments I really like as a result. Did the editing have the alchemical reaction of being a view generating goliath? No sir, no it did not. Retention percentage was up by 10-15% due to the shortform nature but it didn't bring all the boys to my yard.

Ultimately, an entirely worthwhile test. Does it represent The Way Forward? It could do. Better, more consistent writing would help, choosing a "permanent genre" would help too as would tapping into the core interests of the existing Persons Of Boredom we have here... long story short, nah. While condensing the story has its merits, the off-the-cuff freeform approach can yield unexpected gems. If anything, the next test should be editing down from stream-of-consciousness while inserting the kinds of one-shot gags I like making. More succinct, but not brutally so and making post-recording commentary the exception more than the rule.

So when's this happening? Not yet. I've something else cooking first.

Right then. Let's talk Vuvu Boys. I'm pleased with the way the series is going and it's going to get better still, just have to figure out some timing challenges. Either way, this is going to be a long ole series. It won't be in isolation either. The way I see it, I've a potential 4 more days I can jam some videos into, by which I mean creative further masterworks on different topics for your enjoyment. These should begin to manifest soonish.

I also need to find a new gig. Maybe. I've a few irons in the fire so we'll see how it goes.

That's the ticket! Leave em with something vague!

Let's go!

-CF

What's better than one row to yourself? TWO. ROWS.They've stuffed them in 3 to a row up the front, whereas the dude sat ...
25/06/2023

What's better than one row to yourself? TWO. ROWS.

They've stuffed them in 3 to a row up the front, whereas the dude sat behind me and I just exchanged a high-5.

Could be because I weigh the same as 6 people so balance the plane nicely. Not offended, I'll take it.

Here's a picture of the view. It's nice. When I've finished this coronary event I might be able to appreciate it.
20/06/2023

Here's a picture of the view. It's nice. When I've finished this coronary event I might be able to appreciate it.

The Skipper: breakfast is fruit, yoghurt. Cycles 10km a day. Plays keyboards.The Bro: breakfast is fruit, coffee. Cycles...
20/06/2023

The Skipper: breakfast is fruit, yoghurt. Cycles 10km a day. Plays keyboards.
The Bro: breakfast is fruit, coffee. Cycles off-road. Plays guitar.
The Colonel: breakfast is a red bull and a couple of Marlboro. Cycles only in GTA. Plays video games.

The Colonel's birthday treat? Let's cycle up a fu***ng mountain.

Obvs I'm an Instagram influencer now, so here's a picture of my lunch, ya weirdos.
19/06/2023

Obvs I'm an Instagram influencer now, so here's a picture of my lunch, ya weirdos.

Not much of a view. Guess I'll get back to writing.
19/06/2023

Not much of a view. Guess I'll get back to writing.

Wrong side of the country however this is Peninsula landscape. The lack of bridges and tunnels, cheeky or otherwise, lea...
18/06/2023

Wrong side of the country however this is Peninsula landscape. The lack of bridges and tunnels, cheeky or otherwise, leaves one wanting.

This is my "boarding is complete and you've a bank of 3 seats to yourself" face. Obvs, would be far superior if herself ...
18/06/2023

This is my "boarding is complete and you've a bank of 3 seats to yourself" face. Obvs, would be far superior if herself were sharing them, but I'll take the small wins.

Business, casual.
18/06/2023

Business, casual.

14/06/2023
This is Giant Risk. Sounds cool. Looks cool. Is a ballache to play.
02/06/2023

This is Giant Risk. Sounds cool. Looks cool. Is a ballache to play.

Another day, another opportunity. You know, this gig is almost worth it for the range of low quality tat I'm offered on ...
24/05/2023

Another day, another opportunity. You know, this gig is almost worth it for the range of low quality tat I'm offered on a constant basis.

Professionals in "Influencer Marketing" number 37.
23/05/2023

Professionals in "Influencer Marketing" number 37.

Tell me you have no clue how to do PR without telling me you have no clue.
18/05/2023

Tell me you have no clue how to do PR without telling me you have no clue.

Mmmmm zesty
12/05/2023

Mmmmm zesty

If one is to infringe a spot of copyright, one will do it in a big way.
01/05/2023

If one is to infringe a spot of copyright, one will do it in a big way.

Yes, obviously we have more logs going on here but let's put that to one side as it's ably covered in this Farming Simulator survival video should you opt to...

Capital P progress. Not aiming for full paint in the first instance. Undercoat and light preshade will suffice, then it'...
26/04/2023

Capital P progress. Not aiming for full paint in the first instance. Undercoat and light preshade will suffice, then it's test recording galore

"I'll just do this little bit..." turns into "this is what I'm doing for the rest of the day"
26/04/2023

"I'll just do this little bit..." turns into "this is what I'm doing for the rest of the day"

Caveat emptor.
17/04/2023

Caveat emptor.

You may find yourself watching this cavalcade of facepalm-inducing nonsense one part chuckling, one part asking yourself how on earth anyone could make these...

I beat my head against some editing software and this is the result.
03/04/2023

I beat my head against some editing software and this is the result.

Welcome to a brand new series of Farming Simulator 22 where I start out with every loan maxxed out, nothing in the bank, a bicycle and a rented chainsaw. Wit...

Opting for a dab of TV after eating. My companion is not transparent rather rendering the exercise futile.
27/03/2023

Opting for a dab of TV after eating. My companion is not transparent rather rendering the exercise futile.

04/02/2023

Hey gang, just to let you know I have been offered top dollar to promote Raid: Shadow Legends.

As much as the offer was tempting, I've knocked it back because I didn't think the fans of trains, baseball and pithy commentary who make up my usual viewing demographic would be all that into it.

This post has two functions. First, it makes me look all pious, second it affords the opportunity to reiterate that I am always prepared to sell out providing it is either A: cool, B: appropriate C: hilarious or D: made by Ben. Ben has a lifetime pass for being The First. Obviously, said pass will likely be revoked if Ben turns out to be bent on global domination or similar but there's no evidence of that to date.

I'll keep you apprised of any changes.

-CF

19/01/2023

Apparently, this page is a "creator on the rise" for Facebook. Despite posting sporadically at best, I've made the grade. Who knew there was no correlation between "success" and "effort"?

In all seriousness, once season 2 is underway expect HIGH QUALITY SPAM from this corner of your internet. Still, got to be better than never "86 things you never knew about Tron"... hmm, I'd probably click on that.

06/12/2022

It's been two days without a video, Commodore!
Yes, and?
Shall I sound the alarm?
Do you think it'll help?
Well, it might help the crew to see that we're aware of the problem.
So, it's a problem?
You're saying it isn't?
Do you really think that compelling dialogue can be formed of nothing but questions?

And... scene.

Videos will once again spew forth from the hot-water geiser that is the Colonel Failure Videotronic Library. I'm taking a couple of days to get some administrational type stuff done and actually focusing on that, which is a good thing.

Anyway, still to come in 2022 - the last hurrah of Transport Fever 2 Metropolis, which will be trotting along with a clutch of videos each week as I add some nautical and air travel along with the remainder of the rail network. It's a fun map, I recommend giving it a spin if you haven't already.

I have five Get Back To Works still in the hopper, and they'll be strewn here and there along the way.

Special festive horse-racing will be back for its third year! Why? Why not? I'm not doing the bingo again. It was a lot of fun, and righteously daft, but was a logistical nightmare because *SOMEONE* didn't figure out how many prizes would be sensible to send out. 150 was the wrong number.

This will then lead the way toward 2023 and a renewed sense of porpoise.

I'll be kicking of a Satisfactory series for the Saturday night social club. Let's call it Satisfactory Fever! Lots of trains. That's the target. Sure. It'll be fun.

There will then be 2-3 series running that come back each week, my aim will be for Better Videos™ which while not necessarily covering your favourite game will be strong in narrative and flim-flam. Trust me. I think you'll dig it.

Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow with The Fever, right now I've got a spreadsheet calling to me. It's using rude words and macros in equal measure. I shall best it, because I shall.

Uncore une fois!

-CF

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