07/10/2022
WHY LIVING WITH IN-LAWS IS NOT OKAY
DISCLAIMER: No offense meant to those who are living with their in laws.
Case to case basis padin. If your parents are too old at kailangan ng inyong suporta, or kapag single parent siya at iisa kang anak, it's understandable. Alangan iwanan ninyo siya mag isa.
Extended Family is one of Filipino Culture which I am not a fan of and here’s why.
I am a family-oriented person. This is how our parents raised us. We always eat together, we go to church together, and every celebration is spent together. Sa sobrang close namin magkakapatid, open kami sa lahat ng bagay. I know that once I get married, this is something I’m going to miss. But it never came to mind to live with them or even with my in laws once Prince and I got married.
1. RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
We never imagined living in the same roof with our family. Though yes, they are kind and we are all in good terms, the thought is far from our consideration. We fear the day we will have misunderstanding. Advance lang kami mag isip. Haha! Kidding aside, well, no one has ever lived with someone in the same house and never had misunderstanding. Syempre kapag nakatira kayo sa iisang bahay, eventually magiging komportable ka na. Dahil komportable ka na, your true self will begin to unfold. And no matter how okay we are as a person, people around us will always have something to say. People have different judgment on how we behave. People will still misinterpret. So, as a married couple, we never consider living with our families. We chose to live on our own. Since, that should be the goal of marriage. To build your own home, your own family. To leave & cleave. (Gen.2:24) Kaya nga nag asawa para mag sama at magbukod na. Adjusting with each other's attitude is enough. We have enough of us. Aba mag adjust palang sa isat isa mahirap na. Sa buong pamilya pa kaya. Para mapanatiling maayos ang relasyon sa in-laws, magbukod. (Kahit nga yung nakabukod minsan nagkaka problema padin sa relasyon.)
2. PRIVACY ISSUES
When you live with your in laws, you have to hold your emotions every time. Of course, you can't argue with your spouse when his family is around. At the same time, you can’t show affection. You can’t hug or cuddle or kiss your spouse with them watching. So, it is better to live on your own. So that you are free to express your feelings be it positive or negative. So that you can have the privacy you want and need.
Gustong gusto mong masolo yung asawa mo. Gusto mo maglambingan lang kayo, magkwentuhan. Hindi nyo magawa kasi kakausapin ni Nanay, Tatay o ng mga kapatid nya. Hindi mo naman pwedeng sabihin na istorbo sa inyong privacy kasi in the first place, kayo ang nakikitira.
O kaya naman, galit na galit ka na sa asawa mo hindi mo mailabas kasi kapag napalakas yung boses mo maririnig sa kabilang kwarto. Maririnig ng magulang o mga kapatid niya. O kaya naman, galit na galit ka na, hindi ka na nakapagpigil, napatulan mo sa harapan ng pamilya niya. Yung privacy nyo, maapektuhan. Yung problema na dapat sa inyo lang mag asawa, nalalaman pa ng in-laws mo.
3. MONEY ISSUES
Once you decide to live with your in laws, you can’t have free access on everything. Not that you have to pay but of course, you have to share with the expenses. For some, especially breadwinners na nagde decide mag asawa at hindi makaalis sa bahay kasi nga sila ang taga taguyod ng pamilya, they don’t just share but shoulder all the expenses. Sa iba naman, they agree to shoulder certain bills or share certain amount of money. This set up doesn’t always work. Maybe for some this works but the consequences are, you don’t learn to manage your money, or you will not be able to save enough. Either makakatipid ka or mapapagastos ka ‘coz of course, when you buy something or cook something, Hindi pwedeng para sa inyo lang ng asawa mo kase nakikisama kayo. Syempre kapag may gusto kang kainin, dapat lahat ng myembro ng pamilya makakain. Hindi naman sila hihingi pero komportable ka ba na habang kumakain kayo nakatingin lang sila?
4. MATURITY ISSUES
Your maturity as a couple is affected when you are living with your in-laws. First, when you have problems or when you need to decide on something the parents will interfere. They will help you by giving you advices. This is good but, as a couple you need to learn how to get through a problem on your own or make a decision of your own. You cannot always rely on your parents. And even if you don’t want to rely on them, minsan kahit di ka humihingi ng payo o tulong, magpapayo at tutulong padin sila. At kapag hindi ka sumunod o tumanggi ka sa tulong, may tendency pa na magtampo sila sa inyong mag asawa. Dagdag problema pa tuloy. Kaya makikinig ka sa kanila because you are still living with them after all. Again, for the sake of ‘keeping a good relationship’ with them. Dahil dito, hindi napa practice yung decision making skills nyong mag asawa. Hindi kayo nagma mature as you should be.
If you want to keep healthy and good relationship with your spouse’ family, if you want privacy, if you want to save up for your future, and if you want to be matured as a couple, magbukod.