16/05/2023
How to React to Loneliness
"We are fundamentally alone, and there is nothing anywhere to hold on to. Moreover, this is not a problem. In fact, it allows us to finally discover a completely unfabricated state of being. Our habitual assumptions — all our ideas about how things are — keep us from seeing anything in a fresh, open way… We don’t ultimately know anything. There’s no certainty about anything. This basic truth hurts, and we want to run away from it. But coming back and relaxing with something as familiar as loneliness is good discipline for realizing the profundity of the unresolved moments of our lives. We are cheating ourselves when we run away from the ambiguity of loneliness."
-Pema Chodron
Pema is reflecting the Buddha's teaching about loneliness. In the Majjhima Nikaya, the Buddha says:
"Loneliness is a painful feeling arising from the mind's craving for companionship. It is a type of suffering that can be overcome through the practice of mindfulness and the cultivation of inner peace."
This teaching emphasizes the root cause of loneliness as craving and attachment, and emphasizes the importance of practicing mindfulness and cultivating inner peace as a means of overcoming this suffering.
Buddha taught that loneliness is a fundamental source of suffering that arises from attachment and craving for companionship. However, through the practice of mindfulness, good conduct, and contemplation, we can overcome this suffering and find true happiness and inner peace.
The Buddha never left anyone without a solution. In the Sutta Nipata, the Buddha says:
"Whoever lives alone, withdrawn in contemplation, calming the mind, mindful and knowing the Dhamma, like a racehorse that leaves behind the mule, so does one leave behind the realm of that which afflicts you."
This verse highlights the benefits of solitude and contemplation in overcoming loneliness and finding inner peace. By calming the mind and practicing mindfulness, we can leave behind the distractions and temptations of the world and find true freedom and happiness. When all is said and done, we are alone with the beliefs of who and what we are. The relationship that we have with ourselves is our primary teacher. All of our idiosyncrasies, and the things we wrestle with on a daily basis, is the best teacher we could ever want.
"Cool loneliness allows us to look honestly and without aggression at our own minds. We can gradually drop our ideals of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be. We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment. Cool loneliness doesn’t provide any resolution or give us ground under our feet. It challenges us to step into a world of no reference point without polarizing or solidifying. This is called the Middle Way."
-Pema Chodron
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