Shay Rowbottom

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Shay Rowbottom

I design, direct, and edit videos to promote interesting brands & businesses!

16/07/2024

Yesterday morning I went to grab coffee - met a group of young men,

and ended up here. 👇🏻

MY FIRST SCUBA DIVING EXPERIENCE! 🤩

It was so fun.

It all started when I saw the boys in line in front of me at the cafe picking on their friend for ordering not one, but 𝘵𝘸𝘰 breakfast sandwiches. (my kinda guy!)

"𝘏𝘦𝘺! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶." I told him. "𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴, 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴!"

"𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵!?" he replied, and soon we all struck up a conversation.

Before I knew it, they were inviting me out on their boat.

Needless to say, I cancelled all my calls!

Not only was this the most hilarious adventure I've had so far during all my time in the Keys... but it's a good lesson to not overplan / attempt to control the events of each day. Sometimes the most exciting moment in life is presented unexpectedly, right in front of us, and as the famous Ferris Bueller once said...

"𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭!"

What a treat. ☺️

Big hugs and thanks to Ryan, Colton, and Peyton - my new friends for granting me this amazing experience.

The next time I run into these boys, the Lobster is on me!

12/07/2024

Am I a narcissist?

I have been insanely self-obsessed, and that's embarrassing to admit.

People shame people for being narcissistic, but shame is what got them that way in the first place.

I couldn't just be myself.

I had to develop this hyper attunement to the world around me, filter everything I was gonna do/say through the lens of how people would perceive it. It stuck with me all of these years but lately I've become so conscious of the voice it's agonizing. God is telling me it's time to let this armor go. Then again - I run a blog and that's challenging.

Blogging is filtration, no matter how you dice it.

Walking in Faith is listening to God and being able to distinguish His voice vs. your own wants and needs.

Do I want to come on here and admit some of the self-obsessive behaviors I've had that are frankly just, weird?

No.

His will, and I have to trust.

It helps me to process, and it will help to dissipate this stigma we have around narcissism in our culture. It's become quite a buzzword, but the actual disorder of NPD? Pretty rare.

But I am narcissistic. Histrionic, or whatever item on the Cluster-B menu comes out in my ways of being like a soup of the day.

The deeper issue we have to look at is why people are SO insanely SELF-CONSCIOUS they live through this lens of imaging themselves through the lens of others. Rather than just being in the moment, and living.

It's exhausting, but it's how I developed.

I am remembering more and coming to terms with how much the bullying really did destroy me. I find myself apologizing to my little girl over and over that she went through that, for years, with no one to defend her.

It's frustrating to say the least to digest this scripted voice & filtration system in my brain because it ROBBED ME of being the true me all of these years. Whose potential I'm now seeing is way greater.

I have to rely on God as I embark on this journey, because these neuropathways of controlling my image in the eyes of others are so, so deeply rooted and will not go down without a fight.

But they aren't serving me anymore, either.

It's just me and you God, and I trust where you're taking me.

Let's go.

07/07/2024

After a night of no sleep, I ended up here.

I cried, I jumped, I laughed. I swam by myself and practiced my handstands.

I surrendered to my insomnia and took the journey to go give myself another baptism, and practice presence with the ocean.

You know, LET GO of the orchestra always live in my mind. The planning, the worrying & future-casting. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥?

Narcissistic behavior is rooted in a lack of safety. The level of shame I received as a young child when I in fact ALREADY WAS 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝗲 & 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰, broke me.

I had to adapt. Lately I’ve had memories come back of being a child, listening to my mom & big sisters, how they talked, what they said, and I made a plan to come out in the room sounding the same.

Hence, my “planning what I’m gonna say” voice was born.

Hence, my splitting and the process of me forgetting what’s truly 100% authentically me, began.

It’s ironic you know,

they shame you so bad you have to split into narcissism, then later they shame you for being narcissistic.

Ha.

My perspectives are evolving at lightning speed, and the downloads about what I went through are flooding like water.

The level of presence I reached on this beach today allowed me to recall another memory of a time we were all kids, swimming at a beach similar to this. I remember the rope & the buoys looking the same. I remember my sisters and I doing handstands in the water while my parents sat nearby outside our RV.

It felt familiar. Only this time -

the family is 𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗲.

& on this beach this morning...

there was just 𝗺𝗲.

Suddenly I burst into tears.

I am sad about the way things turned out with my family. We may never all be together again and what’s worse, how badly I blamed myself for the divorce and fragmentation. & this has been a great place to re-parent that part of myself.

Thank you, Bahia Honda, for what can only be described as a walk through another doorway this morning that leads one step closer back to my true self.

Feels good to be in touch with her enough to cry.

Feels good to be 𝘴𝘢𝘥 and still 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘧𝘶𝘭. Knowing Jesus has got me...

and I’m gonna be fine.

05/07/2024

Happy 4th of July from the FL keys! 🇺🇸

6 weeks ago I thought I was about to close on my 2nd property in Miami, and finally settle down for awhile.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

Somehow I lost it all, ended up in Key West. I’m living here for the summer in this temporary townhome with my cat. It’s far from glamorous, and not the standard I usually uphold for myself.. but-

it’s just what my spirit needed.

What a humbling and transformational experience this island has become. Sometimes God has to uproot us in order for us to get thrown into a deeper layer of healing. The dose of shadow work I received down here was far from expected, yet I see now how I needed it so badly.

It’s taken years of slowly coming to terms with my egocentricity, and finally finding the silver lining that perhaps my self-obsession and constant need for validation actually makes for a damn good blogger.

Whatever.

I find myself more “myself” here. Shamelessly setting up my tripod. Unafraid of people’s snood remarks about “influencers” and vanity.

Yeah- and? So?

It’s how I make money. Oh and it’s also what I teach… I’m a badass marketer, copywriter, creative… and all around businesswoman, narcissistically inclined and all!

So, go f*ck yourself right off trying to tell me to be anything different.

I grappled with myself for a long enough and I just recently decided, you know what?

I’m fine with it.

This is me.

Key West- great place for that. (𝘏𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥.)

You know what else is a great place for that?

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗮 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆! 🇺🇸

Proud of my country. Grateful for my freedom. I wouldn’t have it any other way…

and neither should you.

28/06/2024

Nothing triggers me more right now than people telling me “”I should be happy”” or that I should NOT be feeling the 𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜.

Sadness, anger.

Rage.

Coming to terms with how badly this dogma scarred me and created a “trauma-stuckness” and freeze in my body that lasted years, and prevented me from actually processing anything...

has created even more anger & grief now to process.

This “don’t feel what you’re feeling / don’t be where you’re at in your process” originated as a kid, where I first began to shove all this down.

To not express anger for the lack of respect, or the blaming I endured as the scapegoat.

Anger was not allowed in my house.

My “”bubbly positive”” mother seldom expressed negative emotion. I only ever witnessed her rage come through in later years, when randomly out of the blue she would explode which I remember was bizarre and surprising to witness.

Now, also a situation I now look back on that makes perfect sense.

The repressed negative emotions, not allowed to actually move through… don’t go away.

They bubble.

You can muffle them down through addictions, shopping, p**n... alcohol.

Does it work?

It does til it doesn’t.

Energy is the ruling force in our lives, whether we see it or not, and in the end it will always come out on top.

Good or bad, energy is 𝗞𝗶𝗻𝗴.

Don’t f*ck with it.

Those well-intended messages that I should “just be happy/let it go” have turned into triggers for all the times I was inappropriately pressured to do this when first entering my healing journey.

I find it best to now listen to my own inner compass, as she and only she knows which time is best to tap into that “positive thinking” that gets so grossly abused in spiritual bypassing communities.

To actually leverage it in moments it’s warranted, and I recognize my little girl is needing a reminder to hear it.

𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵- and I don’t need to hear it from you.

Thanks.

If anything, at least right now per what I’m processing… your well intended advice only leads to more rage.

Ask yourself, is it really my anger you’re so afraid of...

or is it yours?

25/06/2024

Quitting w**d - it’s taken years to see the benefits.

Something I intuitively knew I needed to do. Little did I know it would take many years to finally get to the root of a lot of my traumas.

Unfortunately a lot of “healing” communities only re-traumatize vulnerable people as they’re in a very susceptible state, and that was 100% me. It has actually taken so long to come to terms with and even admit this, due to the very dogma instilled in me.

For fear of being shamed for my process.

It kept me frozen from actual, authentic healing.

In yesterday’s article, I break down what happened. (post in my story)

In today’s video, I share another lesson for addicts and anyone stuck:

𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.

Radical patience is the key. I’ve thankfully only had to realize and learn this as I go, because had I knew from the start it would all take this long...

I honestly may have stayed in my comfort zone.

But I knew energetically something was “off” with the way I was making money. I first started to take action in changing / shutting down my business 3 years ago, slowly. Then accelerated it over the past 18 months.

Boy am I finally getting some answers.

If you’re an addict and you quit, know I’m 2.5 years in and really just now experiencing the benefits. Both of quitting smoking, but also of tearing apart my business from the inside out, when it was actually 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺! lol

I know, call me crazy. And a lot of my fellow digital marketing friends did, but I just knew something was off in my business. Thankfully due to my sobriety, celibacy, isolation and deep internal work, I have had enough cleansing and clarity to figure it out.

The grief I feel for myself for what happened during my time in the spiritual community, sucks. But it’s also showed me that no healer was ever gonna get to the root of these very unique and personal complexities...

it had to be me. And all of this led me to be my own healer and finally f*cking figure it out.

I am grateful.

21/06/2024

Look who I ran into in Key West - Mary Vivian ! 🤩

Mary worked for me as VP of sales for 2 years from late 2020 to early 2022. We always had a special bond and connected on several core values outside of just our love for creativity & marketing.

To my surprise - after a few weeks being here, lonely and isolated... I got a text from one of my all time fav ex-employees!

"𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘺 - 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘒𝘦𝘺 𝘞𝘦𝘴𝘵!?"

I told her 𝘺𝘦𝘴, I'm down here (for now) and not sure when I'll be back.

She informs me she saw my post on LinkedIn with my "Key West" T-Shirt and had to stop the scroll.

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯!"

No way. 😂

Life is so funny sometimes. Especially since being here and realizing a big part of the spiritual work God's guided me to go through here has been 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 my relationship to 𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

Transmuting a lot of the past negative beliefs I still had tied to and associated with marketing/social media. I've realized I don't hate marketing, I avoided the work because it was constantly re-triggering my unresolved entrepreneurial PTSD from my first company.

Things that have kept me binded/stuck for years from fully going all in again.

I have had so much to unpack and I'm grateful for finally getting to a place as a businesswoman where I'm feeling confident, empowered, and like the money I'm making is 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦!

Believe me for so so long, I didn't feel that way.

I've been doing EMDR 2x / week, journaling like crazy, and hitting up my new fav massage parlor here on the island as much as I can. Fully committed to finally breaking through all these blockages I've had in my company so I may show up as a better teacher to my clients, and a better leader to my staff.

How funny that of all people to run into down here... it's 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘺 who was a part of my company!

I can't thank this woman enough for all she did to help me grow on LinkedIn in those years. My clients never had anything but lovely things to say about her, and she no doubt had to put up with a lot of craziness & instability from manic Shay during those times... but she did it with patience and a smile.

I'm grateful we can remain good friends now, and what a special surprise when her new husband treated me to Steak & Lobster here at Conch Republic on my new little island! 😌

If you don't already, go follow this amazing woman and see what she's up to now at Crain Communications. I speak from 100% real experience when I say... Mary,

they are lucky to have you.

Congratulations to the happy new couple, and thank you God for this amazing surprise while down here in Key West.

Keep the faith everyone, life is good. ✨

☀️

20/06/2024

I'd sooner find myself a forever-cat-lady before ever again being with a man like 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎! ↓🤮 👎

Before I understood the dynamics of polarity and masc/fem energy, I was in relationships where I took on the masculine role and Gosh... no wonder I was miserable.

Lots of women will subconsciously choose feminine men as partners because:

𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗬'𝗥𝗘 𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗢 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗟.

I know I did.

I had to get honest with myself why I was attracting guys less successful than me, and who looked up to me as the provider/protector.

It was really a deep insecurity I HAD about being with a masculine guy!

Masculine men are less predictable. They have a mission that will often times get put before the relationship... but as long as you share the same core values and it's a mission you too believe in & can get behind, that's okay!

Women blossom in the healthy containment of a man and can better care for themselves, their children, and their own business/personal endeavors when they have this support.

It pained me listening to this video.

So much pain from my past.

I don't miss it, not one bit.

I am feminine, and free.

I'm gonna find a man who keeps it that way, and actually? Who helps me feel safe to step into that even more actually.

The deeper issue here is not that her partner is ""insecure"" - even the most masculine of men will have insecurities, that's not the problem. The problem is that HE is the 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦 and SHE is the 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦.

This is simply out of alignment with the natural order of things, and will eventually make any woman crazy.

Period.

18/06/2024

Whoever says “𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙨” is full of sh*t.

TIME does not heal wounds -

GRIEF heals wounds!

You can go months, years, decades, a whole lifetime even hoping that “time” will fix your situation. But all current blockages come from the unprocessed trauma and hardships of the past. The problem is, in this culture -

so few are taught to how to grieve.

The feeling of sadness is oh-so-feared, an emotion we’re taught to run from.

“𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘥!? 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘺!”
“𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘵’𝘴 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬.”

All roads will eventually return to the pain of your unprocessed grief.

You can in fact, feel sad, and learn to do nothing about it.

Just be with it.

Feel it fully in your body. Something might surprise you...

you actually might start to cry.

Many need to release, but never give the sadness enough presence, patience, and space to let it flow through them.

Since coming to Key West, I’ve had insomnia like never before in my life.

The other day I lay awake in bed, once again, in utter frustration and agony over my inability to rest... though I was oh so tired.

As I laid and surrendered to my pain, I started to come to terms with a miserable side of myself I’ve avoided so much.

Suddenly I burst into tears.

It was the most magical moment. I notice it has been easier for me to process grief in front of others. Talking with someone about my situation, for some reason, something about the presence of another triggers my ability to cry about it. (Like the other day on my massage table when I cried to my masseuse... lol.)

But this time was different.

Brand new.

I can’t remember the last time I actually cried 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 in bed, all by myself. And I thanked my body for feeling safe enough now to move through these emotions.

Give it time, sure... but more importantly,

give it 𝙂𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙁!

The sadness just wants to be felt.

& then this too... shall pass.

15/06/2024

Putting yourself out there online has consequences unseen in the world of 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧.

People are regularly sending you energy, just from watching your stuff, whether they engage or not.

Thick skin is for what you see and feel impacted by, that’s obvious.

It’s what you don’t see that can easily distort you.

𝙏𝙞𝙥𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 ↓

▪️ Take off your shoes, ground in nature.
▪️ Go to the beach, swim in the ocean.
▪️ Go to church, pray.
▪️ Burn sage.
▪️ Meditate.

Do whatever you need to do regularly to get yourself back to a place of “𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘔𝘌 𝘐’𝘮 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸! 𝙈𝙮 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺. 𝘔𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴, 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴. 𝘔𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴, 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥.”

You will be able to maintain growing a following, and regularly cleanse the energy that your blog brings you, much easier with a practice such as this.

These are things my younger naive self didn’t know when I was first growing a personal brand on social media. There were a lot of growing pains in getting my blog off of the ground and I’ve learned a lot!

If you ever want help with yours,

don’t hesitate to reach out. ✨

10/06/2024

photo dump 📸

08/06/2024

Well, it's official.

I got denied.

I spent 3+ months and went through 3 different lenders, so f*cking sure this house was mine.

How confusing. I'm normally SO GOOD at manifesting what I want. It's normally SO CLEAR when something is for me. A few months ago when I saw the house... I just knew it was mine.

The realtor even said my offer was too low, I'd never get it. There were others over asking and I just thought he was bluffing. I had no fear of my under-asking offer, because 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦.

Sure enough, they picked me. Though I did find out from the neighbor, they did have offers over mine!

Why me?

He said they cared more about having a good girl move into the neighborhood.

Amazing!

I prayed with my friends for this house.

I beat out investors, retired couples, and people offering more for this house.

I pictured myself in that house and was already mapping out my new life inside those 4 walls.

It was a done deal, then-

I f*cked up with my taxes.

Long story short, I blew up the deal.

I sat in confusion... 𝘯𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦?

𝘉𝘶𝘵... 𝘣𝘶𝘵...

𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚! 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵.

Realtor calls, another lender. He can get it.

Next - 😒

now a third one, this one is SURE he can get it in time because I HAD to be out of my lease!

Nope, denied a third time. Just days before having to leave.

Seriously what a meltdown, and you can see it on my face in this video.

All that work, all that collaboration, 3 months of effort, only to get denied a 3rd time. And now, with no place to live.

I came to the Keys still hoping I could close while down here, I officially got the news that nothing can be done last Wednesday.

It's okay - I'm already over the hump and my only prayer now is, "𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦."

Timelines shift and plans change. Perhaps for a moment - I was on a timeline to have it. Sure felt like it! But now?

I'm growing much accustomed to Nomad life and absolutely LOVING the keys!

Glad it's over, who needs a home address anyways?

It feels good to have nowhere to go back to...

This is turning out to be way more fun. :)

06/06/2024

Today marks 7 years since I’ve used an inhaler.

Asthma used to rule my life to the point of me wanting to end it due to the agonizing feeling that is...

not being able to take a full breath.

It was torture having to rely on inhalers, to routinely be put on steroids, to have every western doctor tell me it can just “never be cured” - only managed.

F*CK THAT!

At age 24 something flipped in me. I was overran by a wave of anger throughout my body as I got into my car after another disappointing doctors visit. Same meds, same asthma, same bad cough. (I’d also get bronchitis regularly).

It was like a lightbulb went off in my car that day and I jumped into a new timeline - a new belief system that wasn’t available to me before.

My mother and her mother have asthma. It’s generational and it wasn’t just doctors telling me, “it can never be cured.”

I broke the pattern in my car that day, and I remember the state of anger being so overwhelming it pushed me into a new timeline as I said to myself,

“𝘐’𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴!”

I was determined not to live my life on inhalers.

A week later, I manifested an Ayurvedic doctor from India. Actually, she was an MD but left AMA because um... well.

This woman was super badass, and I still recommend her clinic in Wisconsin today.

She was the first doctor I ever met who told me asthma can be healed.

I told her I’d do whatever it takes.

I went on her protocol, and within 2 WEEKS my asthma was gone!

That was 7 years ago today, the last time I’d have to use an inhaler. This experience I had healing asthma is one with compounding blessings, because still today I get stuck in these ruts of helplessness where I think nothing can be done about an issue, and I’m just doomed forever.

If you get stuck in these hopelessness ruts, I suggest you make a list of things you overcame too, like me with asthma. Revisit them often when you feel stuck.

Patience, trust, belief.

Today’s a day I celebrate, and every year I give away my protocol. Like this post & comment “BREATHE” below to opt in!

If you think something will never be fixed just because you’ve only ever known it to be broken…

Think again.

27/04/2024

It’s crazy to think it’s been almost a year since I went to Greece.

The time I spent in Europe last June was the start of me jumping my comfort zone to try something different in business.

That trip I already felt so transformed, and like I’d “done it” in terms of breaking through to some other paradigm.

But Greece was the start, not the transformation.

Still, I remember how different I felt then. The new me was coming online, and because of how radically changed she was, I anticipated I was already nearing to blossom.

Boy was I wrong.

Coming back from Europe I transformed again. Quitting alcohol in July of 2023, deepening my practice of solitude, self-isolation, and studying the story of Jesus.

Then shutting down more revenue streams I thought I’d always hang onto. To the summer of testing new offers - product promo, travel influencing, even life coaching.

To the fall when I turned 31, and reflected on how much has changed since I first blew up on LinkedIn in my late 20’s, and got swept away by the glory & validation of social media fame.

Late fall I decided I’d spent enough of 2023 alone, and trusted I could know & hear my own voice finally.

Firm in my boundaries, I re-immersed myself into the world.

Late 2023 I finally went out in public again, socialized, made friends.

2024 I started to date.

Then my latest & greatest self-discovery,

fitness.

This is my passion.

I’m an athlete. I’m an entrepreneur. & most of all -

I am a woman of faith.

I deserve to be s*xy & healthy. I deserve to make money doing what I love.

I have never in my life felt so safe... it’s bizarre. And believe me,

I don’t think I would have gotten here if I didn’t take that first brave step, to get on a plane and go to Europe - then willingly isolate myself for many months after.

This was not depression,

it was an act of self-love to finally shed the generations of codependent programming running through me and my family line.

I can do it myself, I can also enjoy and lean on the company of others... without the mind games.

You take care of you for me, I’ll take care of me for you.

My, yes...

what a paradigm shift it has been.

24/04/2024

Your s*xuality is your superpower.

Sexual energy literally is: life force energy.

Its punch is so powerful, it brings life into this planet. And I’m not just talking about children!

I’m talking about creation of all kinds. Often times you’ll find the times in your life where you were manifesting the most, and attracting very easily, were in fact,

times when your s*xual energy was ignited.

To be clear, this doesn’t necessarily correlate with HAVING in*******se!

We can be inspired through imagination. We can self-stimulate and self pleasure to get ourselves into a state of s*xual ecstasy and bliss, without ever even touching another human.

(Although, that can certainly help 😉)

I’ve had times in my life where I’m having s*x regularly but also NOT ignited. Despite in*******se, I was not turned on by the partner I was with and therefor became completely, completely uninspired.

These periods were stressful and it felt like dragging boulders uphill to try and accomplish anything.

& then I’ve had periods of extreme s*xual inspiration, both celibate and with a partner, where suddenly my business took off, clients flocked to me, people stopped me on the street… and suddenly life got a lot more simple.

Talk about working smart, not hard! (Okay, maybe a little hard too… 😅)

If you know what it feels like to be turned on, you know the step #1 to growing a business -

and it’s so sad most coaches and self help healers miss the mark on this.

Find your s*xual inspiration. Claim it, own it, use it. It’s yours. It’s your God-given birth right to feel s*xy, alive, and free.

From this place, with this energy coursing through your body… I promise:

you’ll suddenly get a lot more s%*t done.

**ra

17/04/2024

How much are you willing to bet on yourself?

When all else fails. When the dream doesn’t happen. When the job doesn’t land. When the guy doesn’t call…

how prepared are you to not feel okay?

How 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 are you…

with not being okay?

I used to be a dopamine ju**ie. No capacity to sit with my negative emotions and feel the pain. No tolerance for things not going the way I desired.

Strong, strong attachments to outer circumstances to dictate my mood.

“If I don’t do X today, today will be bad.”
“If Y occurs later, I won’t be okay.”

Hence the controlling persona and high pressured nature of a displaced inner child was born. I wouldn’t dare allow the circumstances of the day to go the way of triggering my inner pain body, that is if I had any control over it.

And believe me-

I thought for so long I did.

I exhausted upwards of all my daily energy just to set myself up, as much as I possibly could, to avoid feeling pain in any given moment.

I was addicted to s*x, w**d, men.

Social media.

I had lots of tools in my tool belt to initiate a necessary dopamine fix anytime I began to sense the circumstances around me bringing me down.

Ha- so funny looking back on it all now. As if I, really, in my small human self…

actually ever had any control over it.

My greatest achievement in the recent past has not been my ability to control, manipulate, or anticipate situations…

rather my newfound ability to let go of it all.

My newfound ability to accept 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣, as a necessary part of my life.

To bet on myself I can get through it all.

I trust myself enough to be present. That should pain arise, I am strong enough to feel it. To let it be, just as it is… and you know what’s funny?

I always feel better.

Pain flows through you, anyhow.

Let it.

Some of the most precious moments I’ve had in my life recently, I have come to understand… require this degree of stillness.

The reward for total acceptance of what is, is the full and complete experience of any given emotion, good or bad.

In my past, I was so busy attempting to avoid feeling any pain…

did I miss out on so much of life’s bliss.

15/04/2024

Fitness journey continues ✨

I’m excited to be on the other side of my feelings of worthlessness. Finally remembering things about my childhood that caused me to be so inauthentic, hide myself, and more.

I feel like I’m living in a dream. Like in a body that I never knew was here.

The level of peace, presence, and contentment is something I never knew possible for me. And it was all because I couldn’t fully feel or remember WHY I felt so unworthy! why I felt the need to be fake, hide my true self, and people please/put on a show for others, in the first place.

Now I get it. And wow-

What a mindf*ck what I’ve been through has been.

I wish to open up and share in more detail again one day, but out of respect for other survivors I grew up with, I have changed my perspective on how open I get to be with my story.

I have learned to heal a lot more in silence, as oppose to many years projecting everything onto my blog. It was the best way I knew how to process at the time, but I hurt others who weren’t ready in the process.

For now,

I’ll do my best to drop little updates on my journey. But, be aware I am very much still in the cocoon..! just finally seeing the light and breaking through to the other side.

I have no doubt they’ll be lots more branding, fun projects, and viral videos again in my future.

I am grateful for this time in my life of rest, health, silence, and strengthening my faith like never before.

Grateful to myself for getting me here.

Thank you Jesus. ✝️

Have a blessed week everyone 🫶🏻

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Videos

Ormand Boys Day

Yesterday morning I went to grab coffee - met a group of young men, and ended up here. 👇🏻 MY FIRST SCUBA DIVING EXPERIENCE! 🤩 It was so fun. It all started when I saw the boys in line in front of me at the cafe picking on their friend for ordering not one, but 𝘵𝘸𝘰 breakfast sandwiches. (my kinda guy!) "𝘏𝘦𝘺! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶." I told him. "𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴, 𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴!" "𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵!?" he replied, and soon we all struck up a conversation. Before I knew it, they were inviting me out on their boat. Needless to say, I cancelled all my calls! Not only was this the most hilarious adventure I've had so far during all my time in the Keys... but it's a good lesson to not overplan / attempt to control the events of each day. Sometimes the most exciting moment in life is presented unexpectedly, right in front of us, and as the famous Ferris Bueller once said... "𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭!" What a treat. ☺️ Big hugs and thanks to Ryan, Colton, and Peyton - my new friends for granting me this amazing experience. The next time I run into these boys, the Lobster is on me! #KeyWest #Scubadiving #ormondbeach

I been careful my whole life to not get physically addicted to anything. Until 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎 substance entered my life ↓😬 𝐊𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐌 🤯 My oh my what a drug, and do I have lots to say about it in this week's YouTube video. Tune in if you'd like to learn more about: ▪️ What is Kratom? ▪️ The Kava Bar Community ▪️ My personal journey with this tea ▪️ How I kicked it, and if I'd ever do it again Controversial medicine, and ultimately the choice is yours. To some it's a lifesaver, to others the detox was likened to that of 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘪𝘯. Which is insane... Go watch my new video, and decide for yourself. Now live on my YouTube: https://rb.gy/3ogif #Kratom #Kava #Addiction

Am I a narcissist?

Am I a narcissist? I have been insanely self-obsessed, and that's embarrassing to admit. People shame people for being narcissistic, but shame is what got them that way in the first place. I couldn't just be myself. I had to develop this hyper attunement to the world around me, filter everything I was gonna do/say through the lens of how people would perceive it. It stuck with me all of these years but lately I've become so conscious of the voice it's agonizing. God is telling me it's time to let this armor go. Then again - I run a blog and that's challenging. Blogging is filtration, no matter how you dice it. Walking in Faith is listening to God and being able to distinguish His voice vs. your own wants and needs. Do I want to come on here and admit some of the self-obsessive behaviors I've had that are frankly just, weird? No. His will, and I have to trust. It helps me to process, and it will help to dissipate this stigma we have around narcissism in our culture. It's become quite a buzzword, but the actual disorder of NPD? Pretty rare. But I am narcissistic. Histrionic, or whatever item on the Cluster-B menu comes out in my ways of being like a soup of the day. The deeper issue we have to look at is why people are SO insanely SELF-CONSCIOUS they live through this lens of imaging themselves through the lens of others. Rather than just being in the moment, and living. It's exhausting, but it's how I developed. I am remembering more and coming to terms with how much the bullying really did destroy me. I find myself apologizing to my little girl over and over that she went through that, for years, with no one to defend her. It's frustrating to say the least to digest this scripted voice & filtration system in my brain because it ROBBED ME of being the true me all of these years. Whose potential I'm now seeing is way greater. I have to rely on God as I embark on this journey, because these neuropathways of controlling my image in the eyes of others a

July 21st will be one year without alcohol! -𝙃𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧- I did accidentally get addicted to Kratom... whoops. 😬 Tune into this week's YouTube video to learn about this sneaky, albeit FUN and popular new medicine that has everyone from ex-heroin addicts, to recovered alcoholics, to police & professionals stopping into the KAVA BAR scene to pick up this tea. Is it really so bad? 🤔 In the video today I cover: ▪️ What is Kratom vs. Kava and the difference ▪️ Why I quit drinking / how I got into Kratom ▪️ How it unexpectedly affected me greatly ▪️The link between Kratom and Heroin 💉 I'm almost 6 weeks no Kratom now down in Key West... very interesting experience and most hilarious story if I do say so myself. No regrets. Catch the full story, now live on my YouTube: https://rb.gy/3ogif #Kratom #Kava #Addiction

Quitting weed - it’s taken years to see the benefits. Something I intuitively knew I needed to do. Little did I know it would take many years to finally get to the root of a lot of my traumas. Unfortunately a lot of “healing” communities only re-traumatize vulnerable people as they’re in a very susceptible state, and that was 100% me. It has actually taken so long to come to terms with and even admit this, due to the very dogma instilled in me. For fear of being shamed for my process. It kept me frozen from actual, authentic healing. In yesterday’s article, I break down what happened. (post in my story) In today’s video, I share another lesson for addicts and anyone stuck: 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚. Radical patience is the key. I’ve thankfully only had to realize and learn this as I go, because had I knew from the start it would all take this long... I honestly may have stayed in my comfort zone. But I knew energetically something was “off” with the way I was making money. I first started to take action in changing / shutting down my business 3 years ago, slowly. Then accelerated it over the past 18 months. Boy am I finally getting some answers. If you’re an addict and you quit, know I’m 2.5 years in and really just now experiencing the benefits. Both of quitting smoking, but also of tearing apart my business from the inside out, when it was actually 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺! lol I know, call me crazy. And a lot of my fellow digital marketing friends did, but I just knew something was off in my business. Thankfully due to my sobriety, celibacy, isolation and deep internal work, I have had enough cleansing and clarity to figure it out. The grief I feel for myself for what happened during my time in the spiritual community, sucks. But it’s also showed me that no healer was ever gonna get to the root of these very unique and personal complexities... it had to be me. And all of thi

I'd sooner find myself a forever-cat-lady before ever again being with a man like 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎! ↓🤮 👎 Before I understood the dynamics of polarity and masc/fem energy, I was in relationships where I took on the masculine role and Gosh... no wonder I was miserable. Lots of women will subconsciously choose feminine men as partners because: 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗬'𝗥𝗘 𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗢 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗟. I know I did. I had to get honest with myself why I was attracting guys less successful than me, and who looked up to me as the provider/protector. It was really a deep insecurity I HAD about being with a masculine guy! Masculine men are less predictable. They have a mission that will often times get put before the relationship... but as long as you share the same core values and it's a mission you too believe in & can get behind, that's okay! Women blossom in the healthy containment of a man and can better care for themselves, their children, and their own business/personal endeavors when they have this support. It pained me listening to this video. So much pain from my past. I don't miss it, not one bit. I am feminine, and free. I'm gonna find a man who keeps it that way, and actually? Who helps me feel safe to step into that even more actually. The deeper issue here is not that her partner is ""insecure"" - even the most masculine of men will have insecurities, that's not the problem. The problem is that HE is the 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦 and SHE is the 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦. This is simply out of alignment with the natural order of things, and will eventually make any woman crazy. Period. #consciousrelationships #masculineenergy #feminineenergy #polarity

Moving to Key West

Well, it's official. I got denied. I spent 3+ months and went through 3 different lenders, so f*cking sure this house was mine. How confusing. I'm normally SO GOOD at manifesting what I want. It's normally SO CLEAR when something is for me. A few months ago when I saw the house... I just knew it was mine. The realtor even said my offer was too low, I'd never get it. There were others over asking and I just thought he was bluffing. I had no fear of my under-asking offer, because 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦. Sure enough, they picked me. Though I did find out from the neighbor, they did have offers over mine! Why me? He said they cared more about having a good girl move into the neighborhood. Amazing! I prayed with my friends for this house. I beat out investors, retired couples, and people offering more for this house. I pictured myself in that house and was already mapping out my new life inside those 4 walls. It was a done deal, then- I f*cked up with my taxes. Long story short, I blew up the deal. I sat in confusion... 𝘯𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦? 𝘉𝘶𝘵... 𝘣𝘶𝘵... 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚! 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵. Realtor calls, another lender. He can get it. Next - 😒 now a third one, this one is SURE he can get it in time because I HAD to be out of my lease! Nope, denied a third time. Just days before having to leave. Seriously what a meltdown, and you can see it on my face in this video. All that work, all that collaboration, 3 months of effort, only to get denied a 3rd time. And now, with no place to live. I came to the Keys still hoping I could close while down here, I officially got the news that nothing can be done last Wednesday. It's okay - I'm already over the hump and my only prayer now is, "𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨

𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙜𝙖𝙮 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 - clearly unsuccessful. But here's a story about how 2 men DID turn straight ↓ Tantra is a practice of getting in touch with your body, practicing presence to such a profound degree, you can feel and release traumas and blockages that have been stuck for years. I heard this story once about a gay couple that attended a 10 day immersive retreat, and when they came out of it they both realized they were actually straight. The first thing I thought of was the dreaded "conversion therapy" that so many religions have unsuccessfully attempted, ha. But in this case, it worked? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. #Tantra #Spirituality #Healing #conversiontherapy

Fitness Journey Continues

Fitness journey continues ✨ I’m excited to be on the other side of my feelings of worthlessness. Finally remembering things about my childhood that caused me to be so inauthentic, hide myself, and more. I feel like I’m living in a dream. Like in a body that I never knew was here. The level of peace, presence, and contentment is something I never knew possible for me. And it was all because I couldn’t fully feel or remember WHY I felt so unworthy! why I felt the need to be fake, hide my true self, and people please/put on a show for others, in the first place. Now I get it. And wow- What a mindf*ck what I’ve been through has been. I wish to open up and share in more detail again one day, but out of respect for other survivors I grew up with, I have changed my perspective on how open I get to be with my story. I have learned to heal a lot more in silence, as oppose to many years projecting everything onto my blog. It was the best way I knew how to process at the time, but I hurt others who weren’t ready in the process. For now, I’ll do my best to drop little updates on my journey. But, be aware I am very much still in the cocoon..! just finally seeing the light and breaking through to the other side. I have no doubt they’ll be lots more branding, fun projects, and viral videos again in my future. I am grateful for this time in my life of rest, health, silence, and strengthening my faith like never before. Grateful to myself for getting me here. Thank you Jesus. ✝️ Have a blessed week everyone 🫶🏻 #fitness #selfhealers #healing #fitnessinfluencer #miami #miamiinfluencer #faith

Why Women Are Masculine

The most tragic relationships I've ever had- are the ones where I had to be the man. Of course, being young and ignorant, inexperienced in understanding my own feminine needs, and the topic of these beautiful, divine, God-given roles of Masc/Fem... I had no idea WHY the relationship I was in had so many problems! 😩 So much tension. Often a power struggle. This was not sexy, this was not polarity, which opposite sexes need to thrive. This was more like, a brother-sister type dynamic... at best. I spent too much time in my 20's dating men who were not able to set healthy boundaries, who lacked integrity, and in the end, made me as a woman feel very unsafe. This snapped me out of my feminine, into a more controlling role. Not only unfulfilling for me... but very hard to be attracted to my partner, or have a satisfying sex life. Ladies, as much as it can be hard to be with a man who's truly in his masculine, because with that also comes the acceptance that he won't be able to bend to your every need, always be there, or puppy-dog around you like a more submissive guy... remember, that's 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿! He's busy. He's on a mission, and that's sexy. This doesn't mean he doesn't love and respect you... it means he's safe to provide & protect. #Relationships #Polarity #Feminity

40 Days of HBOT

I spent 2 months every morning in a hyperbaric chamber. It transformed me from the inside out - beginning solely as a journey to get back on my cycle after missing my period for almost 6 months. By the end of the two months treatment, I had a level of mental clarity and peace I was never expecting. I became far more conscious. I became aware of the voices in my head I was a slave to, always rehearsing and preparing what I'm gonna say. I became a lot more present. More quiet. It's simply harder to move me now... and because of the intensive long-term protocol I did, these changes are actually permanent. In a few weeks, I head back to Hyperbaric Medical Solutions in Ft. Lauderdale for a few maintenance sessions. & boy, have I never had so much love for one company. Go follow this incredible team, and check to see for a location in your area. I linked their information in the comments. ↓ And to check out my YouTube vlog where I documented my progress along the 40 day journey of HBOT, subscribe to my new channel here. 👉 https://rb.gy/yl3kq #HBOT #Health #biohacking

My 40-Day Transformation

How much can you change in 40 days? Here's what happened for me👇🏻 ▪️Better sleep ▪️Stronger workouts ▪️Hormonal rebalancing not to mention... the overall level of peace, happiness, and presence I received through this treatment. This is my story of how 40 sessions of intense Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy fixed my hormones and cured my C-PTSD. Now live on my YouTube: https://rb.gy/yl3kq

How HBOT Fixed My Period

I didn't get my period for almost 6 months. After reading about the benefits of Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy, it seemed like there was nothing but improvement that could be done to my body by doing an extensive protocol of this treatment. After all - oxygen is... life. I decided to do 40 sessions over an 8 week period, an extensive way to stack and get the most results possible. Little did I know, I'd be embarking on a journey into my subconscious, gaining a front row seat to the voices in my head, and end up a spiritually transformed woman. 𝗦𝗣𝗢𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗟𝗘𝗥𝗧❗️: & yes... I am back on my cycle. 😊🩸 Thank you Hyperbaric Medical Solutions for the incredible work you do. The staff, facility, and level of excellence within this company is unmatched. To learn more about HBOT, the science behind it, and to follow my journey of transformation, watch the full documentary now live on my YouTube! Link here 👉 https://rb.gy/yl3kq #HyperbaricOxygenTherapy #Biohacking #Health #Wellness

What started as a goal to get my hormones back on track ended up a spiritual transformation I am forever grateful for. Thank you to Hyperbaric Medical Solutions for the service you provided. This treatment really deeply changed me, and healed more than I was asking for. If you have complex trauma (or, anything really) that is in need of healing within your body I highly recommend you check out my full YouTube vlog on this experiment - "40 Days Straight of HBOT" Now live on my YouTube: https://rb.gy/yl3kq

We don’t always know what we want. We know what we don’t want. It’s true what they say that labeling literally anything as “good” or “bad” is in the end foolish. For who knows what is good or bad? For years I was ballin out living the high life in Miami. As a 20-something college dropout with a following, connections, clout? I would have most definitely defined that era as “good”. and trust me, despite the reckless behavior that also went on during my manic years of LinkedIn fame… I recall many times feeling nothing but immense gratitude and joy for the “good” position I rapidly found myself in. Only now, years later… am I seeing how this did me 𝘣𝘢𝘥. I got stuck. I had a $50k+/month burn rate. Employees who depended on me. Clients who expected a lot from me… and a following to keep up with, while maintaining my image just enough to always be considered a “LinkedIn/marketing” expert. (Which let’s be real… I never felt 100% aligned in, and most people were drawn to me for my vulnerability, and my raw thoughts about narcissism and healing.) I can see now why that “good” and privileged phase of my 20s actually had quite the downside. Many, many negative snowball effects have come to surface to the point where I now, years later, am continuing to pick up the pieces and make up for it. 2023, and now 2024, have not been easy… and so, here I am again, ready to label this challenging era of my life as a “bad” thing. Ha! Who knows- I’m guessing another couple years from now, I’ll see why me being in the position I am now will actually, once again... prove to be 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. #healing #personaldevelopment #linkedin #growth #selfhealers

My biggest fail growing my company over the years- is that I didn’t know why I was doing it. It’s not always about the strategies or the ‘how’ of making money. It’s WHY are you doing this in the first place!? In my latest YouTube video, I dive into the lies we’ve been told about making money in business and unravel the true essence of entrepreneurial success. It’s time to shift focus from just making money to understanding the profound reasons we do it in the first place. Losing my original “why” which was empty: to feel good about myself. To be seen as powerful, capable, worthy… and all the things I deep down didn’t feel I was… that ran out. It’s a strange phase I find myself in to be very unaffected by others viewpoint of me. How they see me. Or how much money I actually make. I am burning everything down so I can make space to figure out what I really want, because the need to fill my void and ego is no longer there. I’m happier, I’m more content with less. I’m clearer than ever and I’m excited for what this next wave of business looks like for me. I’m exciting to find my real… 𝙬𝙝𝙮? (𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘛𝘶𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴) ↓ #entrepreneurship #money #careertransition #healing #ego

I started logging all of my daily calls based on 𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗴𝘆. There is much unlearning that I needed to do in business, and everyday is still a process. I started with this simple hack you may find useful. 1️⃣ Open a google sheet 2️⃣ Log all calls on your calendar 3️⃣ Go through and highlight either: Red 🔴 Yellow 🟡 or Green 🟢 Red = this sucks. Total drain of my energy... I dread this! Yellow = didn't suck.. wasn't great either. Pretty neutral. Green = wow, this gives me energy! I'm excited by this. At the end of your week go through it, look for the 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘴. Re-organize your business as much as you can to prioritize those. Start to ween out the reds, and be honest with yourself about why you feel you have to keep them around... needing the money? Feeling obligated? There's work to do and it's a process. Trust me, I have not burnt it all down in one day. It's actually taken many years in hindsight to really get to this point of feeling safe enough to even be 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦 of my greens... and to go for them. ✅ #businesstips #spiritualgrowth #spiritualbusinesscoach #spiritualbusinessowner #womeninbusiness

I spent almost 5 years in a shadow career. What is a shadow career? A career in which you get to safely play out some aspects of your dream, but ultimately still hide behind your chosen profession... so to not fully reveal the real you. Or, so to not feel the full weight of rejection when going all in doesn't work out for you. Better to ""not 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 try"", and instead find comfort in a shadow career. Being a Video Marketing Coach w/ a big brand on LinkedIn, I still got to express my passion for creativity, entertainment, being the center of attention... but I didn't actually go for it as an entertainer, or dare brand myself solely as such. It was too scary. Reminding myself and everyone else, ""𝘰𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘯𝘰... 𝘐'𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘰𝘴, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘣! 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸... 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘣. 𝘈𝘴 𝘢 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙧."" A lot safer. If you're denying going all in on your passion, maybe you relate to this. A lot of artistic types do it. It is scary to really dive all in on what we want. It takes immense courage, bravery, vulnerability... it is like pouring salt onto old wounds and being reminded day in and day out why we decided it was not safe to pursue this route in the first place. I get it. I have been laughed at, chewed up, and spit out for my raw expression as an artist back in the day, and it damaged me greatly. Eventually, the pain of staying safe outweighs the pain of daring to go for it... again. I hope you find what you're looking for. ✨ 𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘦: 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘺 30-𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘮, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯

If I have to go back to waitressing. If I have to go back to living in a studio apartment. I don't care. I want to have such a deep level of trust and faith in the universe that I genuinely believe, genuinely, in my core believe... no matter what happens, I will be okay. I want to fully surrender to the need to be in control on my life now. Not as a means to control ("𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺? 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯?") type of work-around. No, no. Like 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 let go, of all of it. Actually have no attachment, to anything. Not: "𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯." There we are with control again, only coming in through a back-door. let's try this again... Shay, 𝗯𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁. Be present. I know, it's scary. As if letting go to this degree will be the end for me. I will cease to exist. Well, true. At least that part of you will... but trust that you're ready. You've been sick and tired of your own BS for long enough now anyway, haven't you? Ask yourself do you really want to hang onto this? You've tried it long enough and you know where you stand. Jump. Be trusting of Jesus and His path for you. Clear all of your own desires and BS out of the way so all you can hear is 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚... and his voice becomes undeniably clear when it enters the room. #Jesus #Faith #Surrender #Trust #Selfhealers (𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘱𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘊𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬, 𝘮𝘺 𝘯

I have waited years to post this video. Many of you don't know this, but behind my brand all this time, I’ve had a secret weapon on my side… a brilliant young woman working with me, for 7+ years now. This is not just some typical employee, not anything comparable to your average admin. Not only was she the FIRST employee I ever hired when I became an entrepreneur… she was the first person I even ever INTERVIEWED for a job! To talk about fate is an understatement. She has stuck with me through the good and the bad. 3 different businesses. 3 different relationships. 8 different apartments. 2 different states. Not to mention the many, many layers of peeling back my own baggage & trauma all that time, and admittedly… not always being the easiest person to work for. I remember everything about those early days starting out. How I paid you by the hour to scour Facebook and curate content for my publisher clients. I remember us learning, together, how to edit a clip to make it go viral. I remember when my partner and I accidentally deleted thousands of files of video licenses… practically the entire database of what made our business legal, gone. I remember crying in my office when you messaged me: “It’s okay- I made a backup!” Something I never even asked you to do. I remember all the times you saved my ass. I remember your attention to detail. Your patience. Your unyielding support. I remember everything you did for me, Andreea. I’m sorry it took me so long to come visit you. If someone had told me, 7 years ago, that that first employee I found on Upwork that day, would go on to have such a significant role in my journey, become the most trusted person in my life… more than my own family… I would never have guessed what God was up to. I pray often, and I always begin with what I am grateful for first. There is not a night that goes by that I don’t think of you, and thank God for sending you into my life. Thank you.

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