Latter Day Survivors

11/10/2024

Kenny’s broken leg analogy is spot on!

107 likes, 5 comments. “Kenny discusses what they think it means to actually heal from CSA. 🖤 ...

07/10/2024

GENERAL CONFERENCE COMMENTARY:
My grandfather seems to have made a religious career out of anti-LGBTQIA2S+ policies, not prophesies. I’m saddened by that. Although I am not a practicing Mormon, I regret that he does not represent the best parts of Mormonism. What’s up with “don’t be mad at us for hating you”?

Mormonism, like other traditions and philosophers, has immense room for everyone; but Grandpa’s “love, but” rhetoric tells me that I am more welcome with Mormon membership than family.

There was one who “wept and stretched forth his arms, and his heart swelled wide as eternity.” My grandfather does not know what that means, judging from his addresses.

Love can and should include all.

The many LDS members who are friends of mine do not act and speak with anything but love for everyone. They constitute a “true church.” I can’t tell you how many amazing Mormons I know. I come from this tradition and care about the better parts of it.

Speaking of harmful rhetoric within families, as my grandfather did today, I was shocked when, just before meeting with one of my amazing cousins, [Dallin’s wife] Kristen Oaks, warned my cousin that I might be wearing a “wife beater.”

That stung.

For the record, I am unmarried. If that makes me a royal disappointment, I accept the mantle.

-Jared Oaks

01/10/2024

“John” is an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He tells his story anonymously as he has experienced retaliation from church members and leaders when he has attempted to gain justice and promote change. John’s story involves multiple periods of his life and experiences in the church. We are so honored to be trusted to share his story here.
https://open.spotify.com/show/6gzJQ4LocLx1Y6cQPTof7X

25/09/2024

Check out The Millstone’s video.

24/09/2024

23/09/2024

"John" is an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He tells his story anonymously as he has experienced retaliation from church members and leaders when he has attempted to gain justice and promote change. John's story involves multiple periods of his life and experiences in the church. We are so honored to be trusted to share his story here.

16/09/2024

10/09/2024

Shaun Miskelly is a never-mo widower who previously told his late wife Amy's faith journey story and has now returned to tell his own struggles with Amy's family after her death. Moving to the USA to be with Amy meant that he had to sell many of his belongings and he trusted Amy's family to help him set up his bank accounts and purchase a home with Amy. His trust was misplaced resulting in further personal trauma by Amy's family after her death.

Shaun Miskelly is a never-mo widower who previously told his late wife Amy's faith journey story and has now returned to tell his own struggles with Amy's family after her death. Moving to the USA to be with Amy meant that he had to sell many of his belongings and he trusted Amy's family to help him...

05/09/2024

You don't owe anyone an answer. ☮️💙

27/08/2024

❤️🌼❤️Christine…

27/08/2024

For those with childhood trauma, their past is living within them and usually, they want nothing to do with it, but there it is.

Survivors don't spend time dwelling on or living in abuse. Ironically, we put a lot of energy, if not all, into suppressing and forgetting as best we can.

It should be thought of more like the abuse won't let the survivor go, rather than the survivor making a big decision to move on from it.

That phrase or idea doesn't work. And survivors don't long for body memories, flashbacks or breakdowns at work. They're just trying to get through their week.

Until our past is witnessed, shared, processed and healed, which takes time, money and energy, it will manifest in most of our daily lives. It will pop up in everything, from our thoughts about ourselves in the morning, to how we engage with others.

The phrase "You're living in the past." implies choice to which the survivor didn't have in childhood and doesn't have in the present. It also dismisses horrifying things that children go through and then are later blamed for. It's a very shaming phrase, usually said while the survivor is trying to process.

Snapping fingers or clicking our heels and telling ourselves that we dismiss or forgive what our family systems did, and we'll be different from now on and stop being affected by the emotional, physical and sexual abuse is bu****it.

They would have done so if it worked like that.

24/08/2024

Healing generational trauma and breaking the cycle is tricky
because survivors usually do not have healthy frames of reference, given how their families operate. Once we find healthy resources, putting them into play is also tricky because we are fighting our conditioning rooted in the same family issues.

Despite the formidable challenges, individuals are making significant strides in breaking the cycle of generational trauma. They are transforming their lives and reshaping the legacy they leave behind, including how they parent their children.

Breaking the cycle of generational trauma is not confined to parenting. It permeates every aspect of our lives, from our roles as citizens and partners to how we are as employees. It's about disentangling ourselves from the shadows of our family history.

Here is a little more explanation of these.

1. telling the truth about the family
vs. protecting or enabling perpetrators

*Telling the truth in therapy or to ourselves is implied here more than outing a perpetrator in the family, but that can also be a big part of our work. Another piece to this is recognizing that shame belongs to the perpetrators, not us, as we were powerless in the abuse or proximity.

2. valuing healthy expression of emotions
vs. going inward or reacting

*As survivors, we watch our reactions while learning new ways to communicate, as well as not perpetually having our emotions go underground and self-abandon or go to a huge place with intensity when it's unnecessary. No one feels good when they react to things immaturely, just like their mother or grandmother would.

3. protecting children from unhealthy
shame vs. setting them up for a lifetime of it

*As survivors, we are way more savvy than prior generations about what is damaging to a child and what is healthy. We can grow as parents to not parent with damaging shame, as well as not struggle with setting limits or being firm.

Similarly, we also don't aggressively shame a partner or someone close to us if we learn to do so in our family of origin or otherwise.

4. taking risks to become authentic
risks vs. staying buried in family narratives

*Many generations shamed children for being themselves or expressing or wanting natural attention. Abusive families can shoot this down in children due to their shame, religion, or survival mode-based living. Over the generations, our families have had loud, unspoken rules about staying small.

5. reclaiming joy vs believing that being
perfect or miserable is all there is to life

*Many families live in misery and don't ask for more from life. They can also adopt a lifestyle of inauthentic perfectionistic judgment. Joy can be a threat. We are working towards living to the fullest, versus having rigid moralistic or downright miserable outlooks.

What do you think?

21/08/2024