Simple Sympathy

13/04/2024

When someone dies, it triggers all sorts of changes for the people they leave behind. These are called secondary losses.

“Secondary” means that these losses come as a result of the death, not that they are any less impactful or less difficult. They can unfold over time or become apparent in the immediate aftermath of the death. Secondary losses are a normal part of grief, and identifying and acknowledging them can often be the first step in grieving them.

For more, visit: https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/understanding-grief/secondary-losses

25/12/2023

https://simplesympathy.com/5-ways-to-comfort-someone-grieving-during-christmas.html

If you have a loved one who is grieving during Christmas, it can be heart-wrenching to see them in pain while everyone else is celebrating. You may feel

24/12/2023

Sending love to all of you. ❤️

21/12/2023

12/12/2023

Helpful resource for Christmas this year ❤️

The pressures around the holidays can be even more challenging after the death of a family member. Here are some tips for navigating this time of year and a Holiday Plan Worksheet to help you work through these decisions as a family. Download the full tipsheet and worksheet athttps://www.dougy.org/assets/uploads/DC-Holiday-Tips-and-Worksheet_22_2022-11-17-000853.pdf

12/12/2023

It can be helpful to set reminders for you to reach
out to your grieving friend. Add them to your calendar so you remember to touch base. Doing so doesn’t make your support less genuine. You cared enough to set the reminder.

For more: https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/supporting-grief/keep-checking-in

12/12/2023

One of numerous grief and loss wisdoms from the incomparable Darcie Sims.

12/12/2023

02/12/2023

Part of my self-care regime is reading The Onion articles whenever possible.  I don't know what it is, their headlines just speak to my personal sense of neuroticism and social awkwardness. Some may have laughed at the above headline (I certainly did), but for those who've recently experienced the...

02/12/2023

Grief support is s not something that's done within the first two weeks. Let it be something where you're checking in on that family after the initial shock. Check in once a month and coming up on the big holidays and the small holidays. Acknowledge that you haven't forgotten that they are walking the most difficult journey of their lives ... that has no end.”

Cristina M. Chipriano, LCSW-S, director of Spanish Programs and Outreach at Bo’s Place, is featured in Speaking Grief, a public media initiative aimed at creating a more grief-aware society.

For more: https://speakinggrief.org/experts/christina-chipriano

01/12/2023

The words we use are important. While your intentions may be sincere, the choice of your words significantly impacts whether you are supportive of someone in their grief. Throughout this month, we hope you have learned what is helpful and unhelpful when talking to someone who is grieving. We encourage you to continue to by challenging typical grief expressions and sharing these alternative perspectives with others. When in doubt, honor the griever by offering support and truly listening when they share with you.

29/11/2023

Megan Devine, psychotherapist and author of “It’s OK That You’re Not OK,” identified the term “grief hijacking” to describe a common experience:

“Let’s say someone runs into a grieving person at the grocery store. They want to show they care, so they ask the grieving person how they’re doing. When the grieving person responds, ‘Not that great, this is a really rough day,’ the other person jumps in with ‘Oh, I know exactly how you feel! My sister died 15 years ago and...’ and they take the conversation completely into their own experience, detailing what happened 15 years ago.

They just hijacked the story.

Now, as supportive people, we think we’re showing empathy when we share our own loss. Unfortunately, that's not how it feels to the grieving person. To the grieving person, it feels like, ‘Now we're talking about you instead of talking about me.’”

Megan acknowledges that it can be helpful to connect with others who have similar loss experiences, but emphasizes the importance of getting consent first.

“We always want to ask for permission before we jump in with our own story. It's not that your own story is bad or wrong, it’s just whether or not this is the time and place for it.

You can say something like, ‘I’ve had some experience with loss, too. It’s not the same as yours, but I’m happy to share my experience with you or answer questions, if it ever feels like that would be helpful.’

Let your grieving person have the stage, and make sure your story supports theirs, rather than distracts from it.”

For more on grief hijacking: https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/supporting-grief/grief-hijacking

23/11/2023

The Compassionate Friends' Board of Directors, Staff, and TCF Foundation Board is keeping all of our members who are bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents in our thoughts on this day that is set aside for being grateful; especially when it can feel like an impossible task, especially when our grief is raw and fresh. We understand how much you miss your loved one(s) who are gone from your arms...but never from your hearts. Please know that you and your loved ones are being remembered by all of us on this Thanksgiving Day 2023.

23/11/2023

12/10/2023

Including your contact information means that you're not only offering your condolences, but also your support, your time, and your energy. It's a courageous act that demonstrates your willingness to be there for the grieving person in whatever way they may need.
Ultimately, the decision is a vulnerable one, but it's also an act of courage and compassion. It's an opportunity to connect with others in a meaningful way and to offer support during one of life's most difficult experiences. 💟

23/09/2023

It’s hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving. But don’t let fear paralyze you into inaction.

Megan Devine, psychotherapist and author of “It’s Ok That You’re Not OK,” shares the impact that silence can have:

“Because we're so weird and so awkward about grief, one of the things that can happen is, as a support person, you feel like, ‘I don't wanna say the wrong thing.’ So, you say nothing.

Saying nothing is a terrible, terrible thing to do to your grieving person.

For the grieving person what that feels like is abandonment. So, not only have they lost their person but they've lost their people.”

Remember that “speaking” grief can be done with actions in addition to or in place of words. Give a hug. Sit with someone in silence. Mow the lawn. Drop off food. Show up.

For more: https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/supporting-grief/be-authentic

23/09/2023

We talk about them because we love them still and always will.

21/09/2023

When you are supporting someone who is grieving, it’s important to examine your own understanding of grief.

If you think it’s a finite process, you might be tempted to urge your person to “finish” their grief.

But, if you know it’s a lifelong experience, you’ll understand that being supportive means helping them find ways to integrate it into their journey.

SPEAKING GRIEF is more than a documentary: it’s a movement. We’re going to help our society get better at grief. Our website is full of practical information about grief and grief support: speakinggrief.org.

06/09/2023

It’s hard to watch someone in pain. However, we need to be careful we aren’t letting our own discomfort cloud our efforts to support them.

Grieving people are often told, “Don’t cry” or “Be strong.”

Usually, those comments are a reflection of the person who is saying them’s discomfort with witnessing the expression of hard emotions.

So, instead or making comments that may unintentionally cause someone to suppress their grief, try saying something that invites them to express their feelings:

“It’s OK to cry.”

“Let it out.”

“It’s OK to scream.”

Holding space for grief is the ultimate support.

13/06/2023

People think completing a set of stages or tasks will lead to closure in grief. However, we're sorry to say, this isn't how grief works at all.

08/06/2023

This is a difficult, but important truth to accept when trying to support a grieving person:

There is nothing you can do to take away their pain.

Getting your person to “cheer up” is not a realistic goal and trying to make it so can cause a lot of problems:

1. Your grieving person may feel like they need to put on a happy or brave face for you.
2. Your grieving person may receive your attempts to “fix things” as judgement that they aren’t grieving “correctly” in your eyes.
3. Your grieving person may find your attempts to “cheer them up” hurtful because (even though you may not realize it) your words and/or gestures of “comfort” come across as dismissive.

The result of these scenarios is:

1. They feel stress (on top of their grief).
2. They feel shame (on top of their grief).
3. They feel anger (on top of their grief).
They do not feel better. They feel worse.

No matter how good your intentions are and how much you try, if you approach grief support with the goal of cheering your person up, you are setting yourself up for failure.

So, let’s redirect that care and energy towards a different goal:

Assure your grieving person they are not alone.

Be there for them. Be there with them. It may not seem like much, but it’s the most important thing you can do.

For more, visit: https://speakinggrief.org/get-better-at-grief/supporting-grief/be-authentic

30/05/2023

Though people often as, how do I heal from grief, this is the wrong question. You don't need to heal your grief. Grief is the healing.

04/05/2023

03/05/2023

We're sharing this very helpful chart from , taken from her book "Listen: How to find the words for tender conversations"